Worst new year's eve ever

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Last night I was sitting at home, mostly crying and feeling sorry for myself while being on FB and Instagram watching photos of all the people I know partying and having fun with friends. It made me realize how miserable my life is. Nobody wished me a happy new year, it was so depressing. Everybody were so happy, apart from me.

I considered texting the only half-friend I have, but he was at a cabin partying with friends so I thought it would just be stupid to contact him at that time.

Everything just seems so totally hopeless for me. I am a lot more conscious about how lonely I am now, and the worst part is that it doesn't seem to get any better. I am so scared that I will be alone for the rest of my life, that I will never enjoy what others enjoy, such as the company of friends, partying, having sex, marrying and having kids.

What have I done to deserve such a miserable life?

Do you really want to be in some crowded room full of noisy people?
Or do you maybe just want it because they have it and you don't?

I understand that must be difficult.

But remember everything on FB looks so much more glamorous than it really is. Noone tells about the arguments, conflicts, cheating, mocking, and all the other stuff that might also happen at New Year's Eve - all that behind the curtains. If you were more social you would probably be hit hard by all those things, because AS people tend to intensely dislike that stuff.

With that said, you are right it likely would be better for you to be with someone at New Year's Eve. AS people need company too.

You have not done anything wrong. You are an individual born with a neurological difference. You have and had no influence on that.


The truth is, there is noone to help you get company of friends, partying, having sex, marrying and having kids, but yourself. You will only get it if you fight for it, day after day.

Last edited by qawer on 01 Jan 2014, 9:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Qawer,
Amen!! !

Dear 1814,

I see that you are a 21 year old male. I remember being a 21 year old male. I was depressed and miserable. I had no friends. I hated bars because of sensory overload. I didn't understand dating. I was plagued with social phobia. No one understood me. I felt that I was ugly looking and I didn't know how to get friends. I felt so lost. I couldn't see my future. I started taking anti-depressants. I spent most of my time alone. (At least I had a dog who was my best friend.)

Today, I am 44 years old, and after many years of struggle, I made it. I was able to 1) decide what I wanted to do with my life, 2) get my degree and get a job, and 3) learn NT skills along the way. A lot of learning was from help from my sisters and also therapists. Was it easy? Actually, you'd be surprised. It's not that hard. (All that NTs want are what I call "scripts.": Hello, isn't it a beautiful day, how are you, how was your weekend. NTs are easy to placate.)

All I want to say to you is that while AS is one of the worst syndromes around because we are so lonely and sad, and no one understands us, and people just think we are weird -- we can grow. It's scary, but by some mysterious process it happens. Your 20s will still probably suck, but by your 30s you'll begin to get it together.

Do you have a life plan? What do you want out of life? Can you talk with your parents or a sibling? Is there anyone in your life who can be a mentor to you? We here at WP will always be there for you.

Sincerely,
JSBachlover

Well said quawer and JBACH. They also made me feel better.

Photos present a false picture anyway as people have to smile in them and pretend they're having a good time whether they are or not.

To add to that when I've been to parties there is a lot of falseness. People pretend to like some people and talk about them behind their backs afterward even with best friends. Its not nice. As quawer said its something AS folk don't like.

I went to bed early and was asleep at midnight. I never do anything for new year's eve any more.

I went to a friend's house with friends. They got drunk. I tried to have some alcohol but disliked the burning feeling in my throat. One of them started pulling my hair because he thought it was funny. We left to go to a nightclub. They started playing knock-knock-ginger and got threatened with a gun. One of them was nearly sick on the bus and I had to carry him the last 500m to the club. He was turned away at the door. I went in without him, spent 20 minutes queueing up to pay £2 to have my coat looked after, and then couldn't find my other friends. Nobody would respect my personal space. I struggled to find a quiet-ish spot. Many lights shone in my face. After dancing for a bit to get some endorphins going, I started to mope around because it wasn't as good as the only other time I'd been clubbing. I walked home on my own in the cold and rain at 1am.

So whilst it wasn't a disaster, I didn't have a particularly pleasant time, and I don't think I'll go clubbing again without good cause.

Happy New Year 1814!

Also a Happy New Year from me, 1814 (-:

A year or two ago I spent new years alone in my room in the mood you were in last night while there was a new years party going on 2 floors below me in the basement. I just wasn't in the mood to see anyone or party at all. No one even realized I was home, they figured I must have gone out to a friends or something lol. That new years sucked because of the frame of mind that I was in at the time.

This year I spent my new years at home, alone, online a lot - by choice - and had a great, relaxing, time. It's all a matter of perspective and what you make of it. Here's the post I made in the happy new year thread about it last night:

Then I had a nice hot bowl of soup, had a 1/4 ounce or so night cap of Maker's Mark, emailed a happy new year message to one friend & texted the same to 2 others, lit up the sage again in my room for a nice calming smokey scent for a few minutes and then called it a night and went to bed.

Solo, but I enjoyed my solitude. Big difference compared to the new years I spent miserable. I know it's not necessarily within your control whether you're down & depressed or not, so I'm not going to say you should have just been happy instead, I'm sharing my experience to point out the possibility of having a happy new years by yourself in the future if you choose. I could have gone to my sisters, or a bar, or wandered downtown - or almost anything within time/financial reason, I was in a good mood & I chose to spend my nye alone and just reflecting on the past year, and next year's goals. Someday you might do the same and have a wonderful time of it, OR you might be in a good social mood and opt to go party with others. Just because your new year wasn't so awesome this year doesn't mean it'll always be so and you'll always be single. It just seems like that at the moment because of the depressed state of mind you're in right now, but things change, and it gets better.

Happy new year, 1814.

I stayed at home.

I'm really not sure how I solved this problem, but when I was younger I used to get depressed about being alone on New Years. Now I just look forward to it.

I honestly can't tell if when I was younger I just thought I wanted to be "that partying person" because that's what society was always pressuring me to be, or if I really wanted it. I don't know if I don't want it now because I realize I'll never have the skills to get it and I gave up trying, or if it's because I realized I've always been happier without it.

But I can say, I went to a few parties over the holiday season and I was just not really ever comfortable. I was with people I like, I didn't have to do anything extraordinary (just make sure I didn't do anything stupid). I'm glad I went just for the sake of it, and it didn't kill me. BUt given the choice, I just wouldn't choose that for a night where I wanted to enjoy myself.

So I guess what I'm saying is, try to figure out what YOU want with your life. If what you really want is to be going to parties that's a good thing to know, you can start practicing all your social skills, use Meetup to meet people and work on your confidence, etc.

If you really don't like parties though, relax and let go of this idea that you have to go to them. You can waste a lot of your life feeling bad because you are not what everybody else thinks you should be.

It's OK to be at home by yourself on New Years eve. I can understand feeling you are missing out on something because people are generally expected to be out partying. But if you are not a partying type of person you are not missing out on anything.
I had a wonderful New Years eve listening to beautiful classical music and reading interesting things.

I cried myself to sleep last night due to gender dysphoria. Like the last two years, my Resolution for 2014 is to not live to see the next year.

I live a very unhappy life stuck as male like this. I've been distraught all Christmas break, and somehow I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow. I don't know how I'll be able to get anything done at work when all I can do right now is cry and wish myself dead. I see my therapist before work tomorrow, but that's not going to help enough to matter.

I went to my only friends house for new years after kind of inviting myself... and got drunk with a few of his friends. I ended up drinking too much, puked and passed out by 10pm.

The entire time I was there I felt alone, awkward and over-stimulated. I was the only one to pass out, everyone partied until 4am. To be honest 1814, I would have much rather been at home alone enjoying my own company and doing my thing. But I wanted what everyone else wanted for News Years and it sucked...

I hate to sound flippant, but surely the solution is to try and get a sex change?