Do I have aspergers or just want to have it?

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I have been at my parents a lot over the holidays and I've been feeling down over the Christmas period and have been stressing over silly things and getting upset and out of nowhere my whole family it felt like started attacking me and saying I'm being ridiculous with the whole aspergers thing, they said its like I want to have it! That I'm perfectly normal and there is nothing wrong with me! Just wanted to ask if anyone else has not went to be diagnosed if they maybe think they are trying to fit the symptoms?? I've just been so convinced as it seemed to me like the penny had dropped now that I found out about aspergers but yo hear my closest family saying this has made me doubt myself, as I thought they would think that it made perfect sense that I had apergers.

Things to think about...

--People stereotype "mental illness" as being obvious and severe in all cases; they don't understand that it can be subtle and nearly invisible.

--They are saying "it's like you want to have AS"; maybe this is because this goes contrary to what they expect? Do they expect you to be in denial, reject the idea that you might have AS, even if it is obvious? Do they believe that "crazy people don't know they're crazy"?

--When you're stressed out, like during the holidays, you might not cope as well as you usually do.

--It's possible to have sub-clinical autistic traits--to have autistic traits, but not have autism itself. In fact, it is more common than autism, because most people who inherit autistic traits from their parents don't have enough of them to have full-blown autism. They might be introverts, loners, eccentrics, nerds, etc. but they don't need a diagnosis.

--Anxiety can be very distressing by itself, whether or not you have AS.

As always when someone asks this question, the only answer I can give to the matter of whether you are Aspie or not is that, without a professional diagnosis, I don't know.

The reason it was first suspected that I'm an Aspie is because I fit a lot of the criteria. If you fit the criteria the diagnosis can help to explain a lot of what you go through, in which case "wanting to have it" might well be explained by being an Aspie.

Families, friends and Aspies themselves often go into denial on the subject because of the stigma attached. The fact that they think you are just normal may well be a reflection of such denial.

All these things are possibilities, not certainties, but I assume you have looked at the diagnostic criteria, and the questions of differential diagnosis with, for example, Schizoid Personality Disorder, which AS superficially resembles.

I can't know, but it is possible that you're exaggerating your symptoms semi-unintentionally. I did that for a while... I guess it also could be that your family members have some autisticish traits themselves since it's genetic and thus you seem normal to them while you might not to somebody else. Or you're family could be completely correct, or you're exaggerating but still are aspie.

I kind of went through a period of thinking that. Even my dad he was 100% sure of me having Aspergers. And afterwards I got professionally diagnosed. My dad denied me having AS until he got a book about it, and furthermore researched it. After the research, he said it described me perfectly.


Of course when you throw around the word "autistic", the majority that are uneducated about autism won't even think of HFA/Aspergers..

You should know if you're "normal" or not, after all, you know you best. But obviously I don't know you're whole story. My parents knew I was a bit odd throughout my whole life, especially when I entered the teen years, and everyone was worried about there social status, where they were gonna hang out with friends, etc. And I was just in my room staring at a weather radar and researching about planes (My special interests).

The only advice I can think of is teach them or make them read a book about it, it might make them think you're even more crazy, or a light bulb will pop up after they finish reading.

i have to say, i feel more comfterble with my Autism diagnoses, even my ADHD and OCD diagnoses too. i find Autism explains all my problems. i almost got a Nonverbal Learning Disability diagnoses but i didnt like it because it didnt fit.

Family members in general are going to have a biased view towards you. If you have any positive traits, they will see that in themselves. Negative traits are attributed to character flaws or environment.

In other words, your family is not going to have the most objective view of you, in part because many people view their family members as reflections of themselves. I think however, that a lot of "normal" people who are socially not the most adept can read too much into a book on AS and see a little of themselves in it, and start believing they have it. This seems especially true for people who have some underlying anxiety. In short, many NTs can relate in someway to AS, since I bet the majority of people at some point in time may have felt like an outsider, an actor. I'm not saying you are doing this, but I am saying you are better off seeing a professional.

EDIT: If you want my personal nonprofessional opinion, that based on your writing alone I would say no. There is definitely a certain way many with AS post on forums, many times overly abstract yet somehow paradoxically literal, less focus on emotions, more geek references, etc.. Your text doesn't fit the bill, but instead sounds like a person searching for answers.

My father is in denial about anything being wrong with my siblings or I, including allergies. I took me pucking in and on and out the window of his car as he drove it to accept I had a gluten intolerance even. So he also won't believe we have allergies, of course he didn't/doesn't actually raise us so he has the ability to not notice the clear fact that my brother is ADHD, had SPD, EFI, and my sister is allergic to basically everything (wheat, milk, eggs, tomatoes, apples, soy, red dye 40 -goes crazy- and maybe some other things -not nuts though- not enough to kill her, but enough that her life is not pleasant when she eats those things). So you just have to try and look past their blatant and plain annoying denial.
You should consider getting an official diagnosis from a professional though, to confirm your own suspicion -which helped me have some peace in knowing I am not just a half-wit weirdo, I am ND -AS specifically). Also some of those family members may become more encouraging is you have a professional diagnosis, well they may believe you at the very least. Now that is NOT a certainty, and not everyone will believe you or accept you.
However getting a professional opinion could be an important step for you.

Also I personally understand that finding out you may be on the Autism Spectrum (or whatever) can be a freeing moment because so much of your life can begin to make sense.

A lot of different things can be mistaken for Aspergers.

Are you introverted? Do have you emotional sensitivity? Are you easily frustrated? Do you work well in group settings, or are you better off working independently? Do you socialize well with others? None of these questions will indicate Aspergers diagnosis... just your personality.

My advice right now is to not mistake your personality for a label. Let a shrink figure out a diagnosis if you really feel the need to know.

I ask myself the same questions, part of the reason why I am trying to convince my family that being tested is necessary is because of that kind of self doubt, asking yourself maybe I just want to have it is kind of self loathing I have found and its not healthy.

My family knows two types of mental illness, "autism" and "downs" and they don't seem to be able to distinguish between the two. I sort-of regret learning all of those secret methods to charm people, and I over-used it on my messed up family to get them to like me. The problem with that is that they are always argumentative and harass everyone whether they like them or not. Since one of my major obsessions is seeming normal, I compulsively use the stereotypical NT mannerisms.

Whenever autism comes up in conversation with my family, an argument is guaranteed to arise. It can be very painful to go through it. They eventually start saying absurd things, like "everyone is going to die anyways, so don't try to live," and "you shouldn't worry about whether you have it or not, you're doing just fine," even though I'm in my room and have been hospitalized several times. I'm finally ready to move out, but my journey to become prepared to be independent cost me my last bit of health, and I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of doing everything on my own anymore.

Ultimately, although I was diagnosed, they can't diagnose me anymore because of all of my years of social self-training obsession to be normal, but I know what I am because I am the same person on the inside as I've always been.

I feel like I'm using this forum as therapy, when I typed that last night it was 3am in the morning and I had to get up at 7 for my kids first day back at school my mind as ever had been going over and over the same anxieties but as soon as I typed my post a fell asleep instantly, it was if it was out me head now I could go to sleep.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply, I definitely agree that I should get an official diagnosis but the reason I even came across Asperger's was looking into my sons behavioural problems and I am waiting for an appointment to come through for a child psychologist to asses him, so even though I can be so self absorbed at times he definitely comes first.

I have also looked at the possibility that it is social anxiety, depression etc but that would mean I've been depressed since a child and also doesn't explain a lot of my other traits l have that seem to fall under the Asperger's category it just seems to fit, but the big surprise to me is that the people closest to me don't seem to be aware that these are Asperger's traits when they are the ones that go on about the way I act sometimes.

I have to say finding this forum has helped me so much in the last few months and the fact that I can relate to a lot of the topics on here has been a god send after feeling like I was from another planet all these years!

Why would you want to have it?

Labels are not good to collect in this world unless you want to be seen as a walking stereotype by the world. Answers are always beneficial though, even if they are not the answers you had hoped for (it all tells you something).

I don't know if I have Aspergers or not myself. I may ask for an assessment.

I can sort of understand the "wanting to have it" bit. I want the label because it will give me the explanation I'm looking for as to why I'm so different. Not getting an AS label wouldn't mean there's nothing wrong with me and I'm NT, it would just mean I haven't found what's odd about me yet, so in that sense, "wanting" to have AS kind of makes sense. With regard to the potential exaggeration of your symptoms that others have suggested, I went through a period like that too for a few months after beginning my extensive research of AS; I unconsciously picked up new stims that I hadn't had before, found myself withdrawing even farther from people, and was less capable than ever of having conversations with others, strangers in particular. Those behaviours wound down though once I settled into a clear understanding of what AS was, how I manifested the symptoms myself, and how I didn't, and now things are back to normal. If you're worried you might be exaggerating or "faking" your symptoms, just wait a while, once you get used to the idea that you're aspie, or come to the conclusion that you're not, you'll start behaving like yourself again.

As for your family, I would find the time to sit down with them and explain the reasons you think you have AS, point out examples of symptoms you display now, and the ones you recall having prominently throughout your childhood. You might find it helpful to make a list. I'm waiting to see someone about a diagnosis now and made a detailed list of all my traits as displayed between infancy and the present, separating them into: social reciprocity; nonverbal behaviour; special interests; rigidity (behaviour and thought patterns); self-stimulatory behaviour; sensory sensitivities; motor skills; miscellaneous traits of potential importance -- basically any other oddity I thought might be relevant; and evidence of my symptoms' impact on my ability to function normally. It'll take a little time to put together, and you may need help remembering what your life between ages 0-3 and 4-6 was like, but it'll give both you and your family a clearer picture of you and how your autistic traits manifest themselves.