How do you let on that you're overwhelmed?

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Like many of us, I can go from 'relatively ok' to 'overstimulated/overwhelmed/almost melting down' very quickly. It's almost always brought on by some combination of fatigue, needing to focus on a task, and some kind of noise I can't control, although sometimes it can be brought on by things not going according to my plans or expectations. I'm in a long-term relationship (18 years) and we have a 4-year-old daughter. My partner is willing to step in and help, or just be understanding, when I am at the brink of being overwhelmed, but he has asked me to indicate somehow that I'm at that point, and I can't figure out how I would do that since I don't usually realize that's how I'm feeling until much later -- and he has a hard time telling, too. I'm wondering if any of you have developed the self-awareness to notice when you're reaching the point of being overwhelmed, and whether you've been able to somehow communicate it to others (a word, a gesture, anything). Would love to hear them, if so.

When I have a lot going on I try to tune in to how I am feeling for a moment or two (e.g. how am I feeling right now? stressed? tired? hungry?). I notice that when I start to become overwhelmed I may start to feel agitated/restless/anxious, and I usually have a desire to retreat somewhere quiet. My tone of voice becomes quite sharp and I become quite impatient - I may start thinking things like 'why can't they hurry the f*** up', so my tolerance for other people goes down. I generally just ask people to give me some space or I excuse myself. Those that know me know what to look out for, for instance, a close friend of mine can usually pick up on my hunger cues.

Last edited by Sare on 02 Jan 2014, 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

I remember so many arguments with one of my brothers that turned into fights. So many times I'd feel myself losing my cool and I'd tell him to shut up and leave me a lone because I don't want to argue with you or get into a fight.. and he'd persist, and I'd snap, then he'd complain that I started a fight etc. Eventually I learned to tell him off and physically remove myself from the situation vs. allowing him to piss me off to the point of a physical fight starting.

Obviously the trick is getting to know yourself well enough to be able to recognize you're getting overwhelmed, and then removing yourself from the situation to cool down. with practice you may be able to do this better and better. You might also come up with a phrase, or a hand signal, or something that you can signal your partner with when this happens. It could be something as simple as "I just need a quiet moment," and then leaving the room. He should get it if you use the same signal all the time.

On the flip side, I've read advice that AS people have a friend/family member trained to give them a signal of some kind when they observe them doing something unacceptable or getting frustrated/melting down. It may be easier for your boyfriend/husband to see you getting flustered than for you to catch it yourself, and then he can maybe suggest you take a moment to yourself, or give you a hand signal or something.

Or maybe each of you having a similar signal/phrase would be even better. whoever catches you getting overwhelmed first can signal the other.

The link below outlines a Buddhist and mindfulness
approach to such challenges.

http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/RAIN- ... lties.html

The difficulties I have is when I feel overwhelmed and
over stimulated I go into being driven by unconsciously
driven survival strategies, such as OCD.

However, im getting better at seeing this, but it still
represents a challenge for me.

Wishing you all well.

Q

^ This. Maybe it is because I am still a kid, but it is very obvious when I get overwhelmed, overloaded w/e.
I will start rubbing my hands together and do awkward clapping and run my hands all over my face and head. And of course lots of rocking. Hyperventilating. Growling. Stuff liked that.

I zip my mouth closed and throw away da key!