Can you pretend to like people?

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Specifically, can you pretend to like people you actually dislike?

If I dislike someone, I find it hard to force myself to chat and smile with them as if I like them. I can be civil of course, but I rather not be anywhere near them. I think because I'm already uninterested in people to begin with, once I see traits such as bigotry or superficiality, I immediately and irreversibly dislike the person. I may not voice this dislike aloud, but they'll pick up on it once I start avoiding them...

I have a hard time faking it too.

I was taught to be polite when I was very young by French people.

French culture has an advantage over American culture in this area because the French are keenly aware of politeness as a formal system or game with set rules and roles. This means that it has nothing whatever to do with sincerity.

In that system, you are polite to strangers, enemies and friends, but then can drop the facade for close friends.

You smile and say good morning as they come in at work, even if they hate you and you hate them. You hold the door for them, and pick up things they accidentally drop (or at least warn them of their mistake) and all without the faintest trace of any pleasant feeling for them.

That way, you can all get along with our resorting to fisticuffs or gunplay.

Codes and rituals of polite conduct are good practice for other situations.

No, but I can be polite. Using as few words as possible, avoiding communication as much as I can, but still behaving in an acceptable manner. Of course, just because I can be polite it does necessarily mean that I choose to be polite, but I tend to be more rude towards people I like than I am towards strangers and people I dislike.

Me being nice to them is me pretending to like them because I don't have it in me to be mean to them and be all nasty and doing silent treatments and ignoring them when they speak to me. I just try and avoid them instead and talk less as possible to them and not look at them.

I'm struggling with this issue right now, I wish I could be this person you described.

They have to be a fairly horrible person for me to dislike them, so if they're that bad, they usually deserve me being rude to them.

I don't work with anyone that bad (thankfully) or see anyone I hate that much regularly. I have family members I dislike because they are that bad, but I never see them, either.

There is one person I see very, very occasionally who used to be a horrible person and I still sort of hold it against them because they haven't apologised, but I can be polite to them now because they've changed their ways. They're actually a nice person now.

There are some people I sometimes see in non-family and non-work social situations who are scumbags that I have no qualms about being a bit rude to. I don't actively start fights with them, but I definitely give them the cold shoulder and I won't take any crap off them.

I treat everyone the same unless I have strongly positive or negative feelings about them.

I might find some people at work annoying for various reasons, but being annoyed by someone doesn't cause me to dislike them, so I just give them the same neutral treatment as everyone else.

I used to try to be polite to all people that were not absolutely horrible. However, I often got very hostile responses from some of them. I have no idea what about me was so hostility-inducing. I believe it's my weirdness. Even if I am friendly, my weirdness seems to cause hostility in mean-spirited people. So it's useless. I gave up sometime last year. I've been a hateful and disliking person since then to those who don't appreciate my good intentions. I don't pretend.

Oh gosh! i'm so bad at this, even a plant would notice if i didn't like him!
I'm pretty much an open book. I'm just a really bad liar. Even if it is for the greater good.
It's not like i can't pretend or something, or not trying to pretend anyway. I think i can act a little bit. But eventually people will always notice when i'm not sincere.
I don't know what it is exactly, but when i'm not fully sincere, it shows in my appearance somehow. I even don't have to speak or say anything.
I think it's a kind of energy that i just sent out easily. Maybe it's because i truly have issues when it comes to no sincerity.
It is so showy, even i can feel it in every cell of my body. Therefore, i just can't be not honest. It's impossible.
So the way this works out for me, depends on how good people can pick up this energy of me. And that's my luck sometimes.
Because some people are worst than others when it comes to picking up. Even NT's.
So most of the time i'm uncomfortable in this kind of situations, because i know how showy i am, and hope the other person won't notice.
Because most of the times, i don't want to be disliking someone. It just happens sometimes. Doesn't mean i like to dislike.
And that is the main reason i start to avoid. Because i think it's ok when you dislike someone. It's not like the end of the world or something.
But some people can't see it that way. Especially not very secure people. And then you've got a vicious circle round again, because i really dislike insecure people,
because i find them very unclear and unpredictable, and that starts to get on my nerves.
So when something like that happens, i'm always afraid i will make the insecurity in people worse, because i'm just very sincere.
And some people can't handle that! Sooo, i'm just a bad actor i guess. Can't have everything, right

screw em all! bunch od f****ing sheep!! !

Hello,

NT here.
It's exactly like Adamantium said.

I got taught the ritual of manners and we teach them to our kids as well (Asian cultures have an even more elaborate system of ritual politeness, I have been told).
These patterns of behaviour are not related to the persons involved but to the situation they are in and have nothing to do with personal relationships or my opinion of the people involved.
Not to be polite in the sense explained by Adamantium actually is an effort and stressfull in the end.
There even is a saying to the sense that the best way to keep people away from you is to be polite.

Best wishes

Ennik

PS:
If I (NT) were to liken a person to a mental sheep (they are interesting animals per se, nothing agsinst them) JUST BECAUSE (<-- emphasis) they do something I can't do, don't like to do and/or don't understand, would mark me as a prejudiced, shallow, narrowminded person.

To say so openly to them would be a breach of manners.

I can't. When people make me uncomfortable I tend to keep a "poker face" and monotone at first, then if they bother me I was told that at first I start acting passive-aggressive and then oppositional and defiant.
My father is similar. My mother says that when he was younger if he didn't like someone he neither greeted them when he met them and he also acted passive-aggressive towards them.
My mother can pretend to like people.

I dislike most ppl. Not hate, but not like either. So it is just a matter of being polite.

My experience, being raised in the southern U.S., was rather like this. There were definite protocols of polite behavior that anyone of good stock was expected to follow. Because both of my parents were in sales and did much of their business in social settings, these were particularly emphasized in my home. The almost scripted banalities of polite behavior, even toward those of whom one might not be particularly fond, are something that I can automatically fall back upon.

However, there are a few pitfalls:

1. It works best when the other person(s) are following a similar script of polite behavior. Otherwise one can come across as a silly pushover, and may prompt those less honorable to seek to take advantage.

2. The other person might mistake politeness with liking, and seek to further the acquaintance.

3. I find I must remain conscious of when I am choosing to follow a politeness script. Otherwise I can experience emotional confusion and cognitive dissonance about my core feeling toward and relationship with the other person. I find that, for me, the lines between being polite and being inauthentic and phony are more like a broad gray zone that is greatly influenced by whatever the prevailing social customs and norms may be in a given situation.

haha, let me put it like this: if i dont like someone, theyll know within a few minutes.

i cannot pretend to like someone. maybe for a little bit but i intentionally glare at them, not talk to them and dont laugh at their jokes, even when theyre funny

its not often i dislike someone, usually if they invade my personal space too much or they pick on me.

after a while of 'subtly' acting like i dislike someone, i explode and either hurt them or yell at them

i have a terrible time trying to control my energy and emotions

I am polite and civil to everyone that comes up and talks to me. If I get bad vibes from that person I just remain very private and closed off and just see why they're talking to me. I wouldn't come up and talk to someone I don't like though. I don't know why I'd want to associate with someone that doesn't seem nice?