The other day I had a torrid time navigtating the streets. I'd just shaved and the hairs were bristling against my skin. It felt like I was smuggling a porcupine under my epidermis. Lights too bright, car engine to abrasive. Headphones wont drown out the sound of the music in tesco. Kid screaming -aaah make it stop... dont come any closer dont. come. any ohhh im getting out of here. Is that person looking at me? Ahh my shoes are biting at my feet. This is a sample of the inner monologue. By the time I was on my way back I was crossing the road to avoid having to encounter people - even their stares were sensory inputs.
Get home and collapse in front of the computer. I feel my body slowly winding down, senses are dulled its like the Keats poem
My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk,
(Keats taught me how to translate emotion into words - not that im somehow claiming to be his acolyte or anything silly... just most of the time I dont even know what im feeling,but poetry gives me a good framework I can use to "Blag" with)
within 10 mins im "comfortably numb". Only my eye sockets and wrist move so I can browse the net. Its narcotic I guess. I realised that this is what happens to me consistently whenever I encounter sensory turmoil as above. How do you guys deal with that kind of thing?
Oh what hell has been unleashed now - my room overlooks a construction site which until now was deserted >.<
07 Jan 2014, 5:43 am
