feeling defective

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I have felt defective all my life because there are certain things that I cannot do and I thought it was my fault. After I got my diagnosis, I didn't feel so defective anymore because I could assign all these things to being an Aspie. However, when other things come up that may or may not be on the spectrum, I still feel defective. I am wondering where the feeling of defectiveness might come from. I know a lot of people may feel that way because they may have been mistreated by their peers in the past. However, I somehow doubt that that's the reason for my feeling this way.

Often times it's a perceived notion of what you think you should be, instead of what you are. I will leave you with a bit of wisdom I haven't been able to disprove.

The most extraordinary things are rarely perfect, new, or well accepted.

Is it possible that you have felt defective for so long that it's become your default way of feeling when things go wrong?

Perfectionism is often anxiety-based and reached as a compensation for perceived defectiveness.

You're not defective, just human and humans make mistakes. And that's okay :0)

I don't know that I necessarily feel defective when things go wrong. I also feel defective when the rest of the world can do something that I can't.

After being treated like s**t by most people I've known throughout my life, I know the feeling of defectiveness too well.

A person with a disability isn't defective. They're just disabled.

If you have trouble doing something, whether or not it's due to autism, big deal. Do your best, and move on. If you want, go back and rethink some, even ask others questions if appropriate, to see if improvement is possible. NEVER, however, view yourself as "defective". That's nonsense.

You're lowering your own value and messing with your ability to show what things you ARE good at. Don't slow yourself down. Be confident. Do your best at things you do, and be open to learning how to do better. You WILL.

I find people communicate that I'm not meeting their expectations which can make me feel I am defective, without their necessarily being overtly abusive. So I guess it depends if you consider that mistreatment, and it's more negative opinions really than overt mistreatment. But if I'm trying to make things work that still makes me feel defective, when I pay attention to the ones who are being negative that way. There are also people who are more accepting, sometimes, and being around that makes a difference. But I think that's probably true for any human being.

I'm currently reading "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnagie. In chapter 2 he discusses about how everyone wants to have a feeling of importance. It falls under a type of hierarchy of needs. Like a need to impress or feel acceptance. It is summed up as "a feeling of importance"

Aspies are different from everyone else, this is common knowledge/thought. So that feeling of importance is taken away every single day in an aspie's life. Eventually because aspie's don't feel important enough it becomes a common thought "must be doing something wrong". If aspie's are doing something wrong then there must be some way to correct that. This gives a feeling defectiveness.



Just a theory/thought I have.

I feel defective because I actually am. It's not because I have a low self-esteem.

No. 1 reason why AS people tend to be depressed, imo.

Being a human being automatically makes us defective.
No one is perfect. Everyone has an Achilles heel and a thorn in the side.
Flaws, quirks and malfunctions - everyone has them.