After 2 years I still CANT accept aspergers and be happy

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Others seem to be fine with having aspergers. I hate myself for having it andt he damage it has done to my family and life. I hate other aspies for their weakness, and I have no where to turn, therapists and medications are a waste of time and money, ive tried it. I am rejected by most. I look back at my past life and I see how aspie I was and it makes me sick.

I know there are different levels of asperger functionality, but i can see how my learning was affected by aspergers and how my behavior is weird to all learning about aspergers and it just blows.

There is nothing good about this. I can see why NTs bully and hate aspies.

There is no excuse for bullying.

As to the general question: when you are handed a lemon, learn to make lemonade.

ruveyn

Thats kinda hand when you dont have hands (aspergers) ruvy

wow - I might have said that, word for word, had you asked me about it five years ago. It's ok not to like it, you don't have to love it to live life but you do have to accept it and learn to work around it.

making mistakes and causing damage doesn't make you a bad person, yeah? It's learning from your mistakes and acknowledging them that helps you grow. Try not to dwell on the past, because that's not helpful for anyone. Just take one day at a time, do what you have to do and you may find you have more 'lemons' at your disposal than you first thought.

_________________
http://defeatingthedoginthedaytime.blogspot.com/

the trials and tribulations of a girl pretending to be normal

I'm still not happy or accepting after many years, either. I just pretend I am. How we're going to get out of this mess I don't know.

I think what you've got is a problem with internalized prejudice.

Basically, it's like being a black person who's lived in the US and been told that black people are inferior for his whole life, and eventually coming to believe that this is true. So he reacts by trying to act as white as possible, hating his own skin color, staying away from other black people. We don't see that kind of thing near as often as we used to; but back before the Civil Rights movement it happened all the time. Black people would try to imitate white people, would even look down on other black people whose skin was darker than theirs.

Of course now we know how sad that was and how stupid we were to think that skin color and culture made anybody inferior or superior. But it happened. And it's still happening to people with disabilities.

I'm not blaming you here. When you've lived your whole life in a world that says autistic people are inferior and it's wrong to be autistic, you're going to eventually soak up that idea whether you like it or not. It's like you've got this recording playing in your head that says disabled is bad, autism is bad, don't look autistic, don't associate with autistic people--it ties the idea of disability to shame and inferiority in your head.

It can be really hard to get rid of that self-directed prejudice, but it's worth it. Being willing to accept yourself and other autistic people is worth it.

It's been 14 years since I was diagnosed and I STILL really hate it when a vengance and can't be happy.

Callista, I completely disagree with your comparison. Autism is internal; skin colour is external. Additionally, difficulties with living with Asperger's are not due to any kind of "prejudice" towards oneself, but rather, the day-to-day reality of having to live in a world where nobody understands you.

Seems like liking or hating Asperger's is the wrong focus. It leads to self loathing and a downward spiral of negativity.

Wouldn't it be better to be more objective and simply look at your positives and negatives for what they are and then live your life within that context?

It definitely sounds as if you have had an upbringing full of things that have sabotaged your self esteem. Asperger's or not, if you do not feel good about yourself, that negativity seems to attract more of the same. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

The only way to build self esteem and learn to love yourself for who you are is to have experiences in which you can succeed. Maybe those sucesses are small things like attending a group meeting and having your opinion be heard without judgement. Or completing a project others have thought was too challenging for you. Self esteem is built on your accomplishments - so, go accomplish something! Anything.

Everyone has worth. It takes extremely small minds to build their own worth at the expense of others.

I wouldn't make the same comparison Callista did, but the bolded part seems to me to be a pretty good definition of prejudice right there.

Last edited by Verdandi on 22 Jun 2011, 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not saying that you have to do this, but I've accepted Aspergers, it's who I am. I can't change it, so I just embrace it.
That's pretty much the only reason why I'm fine with it.

I think it's kind of nasty that you say no wonder people with ASD get bullied or teased, as if we deserve it or something. NO ONE deserves to be bullied!

I'm not sure where you're getting that idea from (i.e. the idea that prejudice = people not understanding you).

Prejudice means having a pre-conceived opinion or idea of someone just because they are in a particular group, without actually knowing the facts about the group they belong to. That has nothing to do with NTs not being able to understand us.

NTs misunderstand me and get angry with me all the time. It's been happening all my life, and it was nothing to do with prejudice. Until recently, I didn't even know I had AS, and neither did they, so it's got nothing to do with prejudice, and everything to do with the fact that our brains work in a different way.

Last edited by all_white on 22 Jun 2011, 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was diagnosed when I was in high school. I flip-flopped between not caring that I was different and wanting to be like everyone else my age.


Now for the most part, I've accepted my Asperger's. It's a big part of who I am and it definitely has a lot of positives. Sure, it makes life a bit more challenging.


Doesn't everyone go thru challenges in life, AS or not?

There is no positives what Asperger's brings me. Everything about my Aspergers seems negative. I have small talents, which aren't linked to me having Aspergers because I probably would have still had those talents whether I was born Aspie or not, being that a lot of NTs have the same talents I do.

Being me is difficult, because I have a lot of NT traits which clash with the Aspie traits, making simple tasks and routines extremely difficult for me, and causes NTs to criticise. For example, I don't like to draw negative attention to myself in public (which is an NT trait), and I try my best to conform (which is also an NT trait). But the Aspie traits clash with these - for example I sometimes do do stupid things what draw attention to me in public, then regret it immediately afterwards. I seem clueless at the time, then about 3 seconds after doing it I somehow realise that it was rude or abrupt, and that I ''shouldn't of done it''. Like I was going through a phase of really hating people sitting next to me on the bus, and when people did come and sit next to me when it was crowded, I used to scowl at them then fold my arms crossly and shuffle right to the edge of my seat and look out of the window to avoid me looking at them, and that isn't really what I see other people doing.
I'm confused - they say NTs show emotion and Aspies don't, but I seem to show more emotion than NTs do. Like when I said about people sitting next to me - I shown that I hated them sitting there, but if an NT didn't like people sitting next to them, they wouldn't show it. Asperger's is confusing and stupid - wish I never had it.