Self injurious behaviour: why does it hurt so good?

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i have been self injuring for my entire life. i used to:

Fall
pull my hair
bang my head on walls, floors and tables
throw myself down hills
punch myself
kick things that will hurt me
bite myself
choke myself
stab myself with things
hit myself with items

i was completely aware of the consequences, but it felt too good to stop. of course sometimes i would really hurt myself. when i was 7 i hit my head purposely on a windowsill and i bled, a LOT. theres still a scar too.

i feel energy drained when im hurt and i feel better, kinda like being hugged tightly or feeling like i cried for a while.

why does this happen?

I used to cut my wrists when I was really stressed out. It was only a temporary period (for around 6 months about 20 years ago) and started because I had a rash on my wrist from a watch that started blistering. I would fantasize about cutting the blisters just to get rid of them. Then I started cutting, not suicidal, just enough to hurt and barely even bled - but you are right, that hurt felt sooooo good! When I was really sad or anxious it would make all those feelings go away. For a while I was all obsessed with what kind of knife I used - I experimented with artists knifes, etc, and different shapes and textures so that I would it would feel pleasurable to both the hand that was cutting and the wrist that being cut. I was mess!

I don't know why it felt so good, but I'm glad I was able to stop. I can't imagine doing that now, it would hurt in a not good way, I think.

I never told anybody about it, I was always afraid they'd lock me up if I did so I just put big bandaids on my wrist and said that the rash kept coming back, but then summer came and I knew I had to stop or somebody would ask more questions.