Studying AS gives perspective, not necessarily victory

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The strange thing about reading books on Aspergers and autism is that you can confirm a lot of things that you read from personal experience, and maybe get a wider perspective on things that happen to you in your life that you weren't previously able to explain - because of looking at it all from the inside.

But what reading for greater context has not helped with, at least in my case, is learning ways to circumvent or replace those behaviors that keep me from succeeding in the more difficult areas of life - example, understanding others, understanding social contexts, or in attracting a partner. It seems that even with greater cognitive awareness and context, some of these things are hard wired and not immediately defeatable, assuming of course that one would want to defeat them (example, to learn to network, or to finally find that life partner).

I enjoy reading books on Aspergers because I usually get a greater outside context, which helps me place myself and my interpretations of life more precisely. It helps me to understand that things are as they are in my life not simply because most people in the world are bad, although some are. It has also helped me to not be so angry at myself for the things that have not worked out despite my years of effort constantly leading to nothing.

Still wish I could find a way as an Aspie to learn those things for which I have no natural instincts.

I agree – learning about autism has caused me to withdraw socially, and adopt a new tactic of avoiding inevitable social blunders, rather than constantly committing them.

But it's also helped me to redefine my goals in a helpful way. So instead of trying to achieve 'normalcy', I'm trying to achieve happiness within my own unique parameters.

Also, I'm beginning to feel like I might have better success in functioning at a job, since I realize now that I'm autistic, and I'm much more aware of my specific challenges and needs. I still don't think I'm quite functional enough to handle a job, but the diagnosis has given me a little bit of hope, whereas before I had none at all, since I just failed constantly at every aspect of my life, without understanding why.

But socially... Yes, since my diagnosis I've chosen to just give up on socializing completely, and accept that it's not my strong point, and that I honestly have no interest or desire to seek out other people's company.

Reading a book is never going to alter your neurology. Be the best you that you can be. Each autistic brain learns social functionality in it's own way, through trial and error. That's how coping mechanisms are developed. There's no magic wand, no book of techniques, no app for that.

Just a DISability, not an INability.

You can't fix it, but you can plan better ways to approach problems, situations and people to make the most of your strengths and minimize the impact of your weaknesses.

One thing you can do is be better to yourself. Cut yourself some slack, give your senses a rest. Don't pile more onto yourself than you can handle. Shield yourself from situations that would cause a meltdown or other negative outcomes.

Another thing you can do is consider the way your communication difficulties may impact the people around you:

Your colleagues may need more communication than you feel inclined to naturally engage in. Perhaps you can create a system for dealing with this--a set kind of email report or quick phone call. Something where the routine is strong enough to overcome anxiety about the communication.

Your friends and intimates may need more affection and approval than naturally comes to you. You may want to make a practice of making certain kinds of affectionate gesture and spending a certain amount of time just listening and paying attention to them.

If you can take measures to make yourself feel a bit better and the people around you feel a bit better, then you have used your knowledge of ASD in a positive way, I think.

You have to accept that there is no fix or cure, but maybe just little steps toward a slightly better world for you and the people in your life.

Good observations StuckWithin, I agree.

For myself I find that the basic issue is that in order to succeed in those areas you mention, I have to not be myself. But I cannot find joy in those aspects of life when pretending to be someone I am not.

You may find that you can take some pleasure in successfully playing a part and in knowing that doing some things that don't come naturally has improved the feelings others have about their interactions with you.

It may be that you can both put more effort into briefly adopting personas for the benefit of others and in just being your natural, wonderful self in appropriate situations.

i think at the same time the general population also need to start being made to be more aware of us and to also accept us and not just try to mold and change us to fit in to their view of society in the same way as women gays and people of different colours have been in the past

I agree we should all be trying to make the world better for all. But they are also going against their neurology and natural instincts to extend that civil respect to the neurodiverse. That natural prejudice is almost at its worst for aspies because of the "invisible disability" factor. It's a survival instinct.

NT people are always going to wonder: are you not responding in the expected way because you don't care what they think or are deliberately attacking them, or maybe you have different neurology and just can't join the social signalling chorus in the way they expect.

Just because of that, they will always treat you a little bit differently, at least until they know you and expect your ways. They are wired that way and can't help it.