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SquidSocks
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19 Jan 2014, 4:49 pm

Thank You c: I have an answer.



Last edited by SquidSocks on 19 Jan 2014, 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kicker
Velociraptor
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19 Jan 2014, 4:52 pm

SquidSocks wrote:
When I do something that reflects one of my symptoms, my dad comments on how "it's an Aspie thing to do".
This makes me uncomfortable and hurts my feelings.
I feel like I am doing something wrong, but I can't change it.

How do I talk to him about it?
I am afraid to make him mad.


I would say it exactly how you said it above, but like this: I feel like I am doing something wrong when it is pointed out to me that I am doing something that is an "Aspie" thing. It makes me uncomfortable and hurts my feelings. Could you please stop saying that and instead say something to help me change the behavior by telling me a better way to do it.

That is the socially acceptable way to do it. It describes how you feel without being accusatory, and offers up suggestions to help you not feel that way. It's asking for help and giving the other person a way to help you without blaming them for how it makes you feel. Anyone who is reasonable will understand that. I think your dad will.



Ilovemyaspiegirl
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19 Jan 2014, 5:06 pm

Hi I have a 7 yr old daughter a/Aspergers. If she were feeling this way (and I'm sure she will one day), I'd want her to RESPECTFULLY pull me aside and just be honest and tell me how what I am saying is making her feel. I understand your scared to say something. I don't know your dad so I can't say if this would still upset him but, just pull him aside in private and tell him he's hurting your feelings. Hopefully, he's a good enough dad to understand and try not doing it any more. I'm sure he just doesn't realize that he's making you feel this way. If anything, it sounds like he's reasoning whatever behavior you are presenting by putting it off on your Aspergers. I make this mistake with my daily gutter frequently.

Being the parent of a child carries so many responsibilities even when they aren't gifted with Autism. When you have that added responsibility to guide a child with special needs, it's sometimes overwhelming for us NT parents. We don't always know what to say or do and we fear that we're going to screw our kids up more. So, try to understand (the best you can) that your dad likely just doesn't get that he's making you feel this way. If you don't say something, you might grow to resent him which will only make matters worse.

Good luck with your situation and be proud of yourself for asking for advice.



Ilovemyaspiegirl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
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19 Jan 2014, 5:07 pm

Hi I have a 7 yr old daughter a/Aspergers. If she were feeling this way (and I'm sure she will one day), I'd want her to RESPECTFULLY pull me aside and just be honest and tell me how what I am saying is making her feel. I understand your scared to say something. I don't know your dad so I can't say if this would still upset him but, just pull him aside in private and tell him he's hurting your feelings. Hopefully, he's a good enough dad to understand and try not doing it any more. I'm sure he just doesn't realize that he's making you feel this way. If anything, it sounds like he's reasoning whatever behavior you are presenting by putting it off on your Aspergers. I make this mistake with my daily gutter frequently.

Being the parent of a child carries so many responsibilities even when they aren't gifted with Autism. When you have that added responsibility to guide a child with special needs, it's sometimes overwhelming for us NT parents. We don't always know what to say or do and we fear that we're going to screw our kids up more. So, try to understand (the best you can) that your dad likely just doesn't get that he's making you feel this way. If you don't say something, you might grow to resent him which will only make matters worse.

Good luck with your situation and be proud of yourself for asking for advice.