I'm a walking contradiction

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I don't do well in social situations with large numbers of people, yet I find I get really lonely and depressed if I don't interact with friends or family on at least a semi-regular basis.

I have trouble holding "normal" conversations with people about everyday things, yet I can yap on and on about things like music and computers (two of my "pet" interests).

I'm extremely lazy and often times unmotivated, yet I'll work like a dog when something either interests me, or there's a large enough reward dangling right in front of me.

I have germaphobic tendencies and tend to wash my hands obsessively, yet I place a great amount of faith in my immune system, and I have even done things like eating things that have fallen on the floor.

I try my best to be a tolerant, logical, non-judgemental person, yet at the same time I find that I can actually be quite biased, judgemental, and even hateful in certain situations. (I'm not proud of this btw, this is just how I feel)

I get bored really easily, yet I find that I often don't want to do anything when I am bored.

I can't stand most loud noises, and I find that a lot of different sounds (especially high-pitched ones) tend to bother me, yet I often enjoy listening to really intense music like death metal or noise or industrial. As well, most "pop" music tends to irritate me, especially if it's played loudly.

I find I have a really hard time learning about things that I don't have any interest in, yet if it's about something I do have an interest in, I will listen or read intently for hours on end.

I can alternate between almost not giving a crap about anything, to being extremely concerned with almost everything.

I hate following rules and doing what other people tell me to do, yet I often feel lost without any form of structure or planning.

I often have trouble empathizing with other people's problems if I've never experienced them for myself, yet if it's something I've experienced before myself, then I tend to get really emotional.


Can anyone else here relate to this? I just feel it's really odd that I contradict myself in so many different ways.

Most of those are essentially exactly the same as me, with the exceptions being the 7th (I get annoyed by some sounds but don't have major auditory sensitivity) and to extent the 10th. For the 10th I don't mind following rules but I like you, don't like doing what others tell me to do.

Everybody needs social interaction, it doesn't have to be in large groups. A group of 2 or 3 doing something fun or going out to eat is plenty to satisfy one's social needs.


We tend to get lost in our interests, and that's perfectly okay, everyday stuff is usually not that interesting anyways, small talk is also boring. I don't care how one's day goes, typically.


Most of us are that way.


I find if I get sick it's probably from biting my fingernails or breathing something in, I just wash my hands now so I don't get really sick or something.


It takes practice, man. I never realize I'm being judgemental until after the fact.


Hence why I'm on the computer, checking the same sites over and over again.


Wanted loud noises are great, I blast my music in the car, unwanted loud noises are completely different.


Most of these are pretty normal for being aspie - it's not contradicting yourself, it's just how we are.

That sounds like just about everyone to me tbh give or take this or that.

I have this problem, but I don't think it's contradictory. I want people, but I haven't fine-tuned the skills needed to manage large groups, numerous obligations, and lingering anxiety without frequent breaks. I'm sometimes worn out in one area before I've had my fill in another.

Definitely, to all of them, especially the pop music.

I would like a regulator valve or something that would just make it so I do okay most of the time instead of real well sometimes and really badly other times. Middle ground, please.

Yeah, I think one reason most people don't "get" me is that my very essence is contradictory. I have always been both overly mature and overly immature for my age, depending on the situation. People don't understand how I'm reading Baby-sitters Club books one day and medical textbooks the next.

I'm glad to see that my "contradictory" traits aren't all that unusual. What got me thinking about these things was when I took a personality test yesterday, and I noticed that I had to answer all of the questions as either "yes" or "no", with no middle ground. For a lot of the questions, the way they were written strongly implied that people would either respond "yes" or "no" to them 99% of the time, without taking into account all of the people out there (myself included) that would be more like "yes in some situations, no in others".

...And this is why I dislike taking personality tests.

Will add another voice saying this basically sounds exactly like me (with the exception of heavy metal... not a fan, but do like industrial, rave, trance, etc).

Yep, this is why I always have issues with the Myers-Briggs test. I actually test fairly consistently as an ISFP, but there are a couple things about it that I don't agree with, namely the artistic tendencies (although replace the "r" with a "u" and then it fits, haha). I think of myself as more of a hodgepodge, an ISFP with a smattering of ISFJ and ISTP traits. I also hate how a lot of the questions are phrased in an "always" or "never" format (the justice vs. mercy question is the one that always gets me- why can't you have a delicate balance of both?). Like you said, they don't factor in the middle ground.

I did find a Myers-Briggs test that allows you to measure your traits on a continuum, though:

http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Everyone has an instinctive need to be social, even if you're socially awkward or anxious. Human beings are herd animals, it's part of our nature.

Hard as it is, acclimate yourself to the pain of being around large groups of others - hang out with a small group, then a slightly larger group, then larger and larger and so forth until you're comfortable anywhere. It takes effort and a good deal of arranging, but it is absolutely literally the only way to get better at this.



Everyone finds it easier to talk about things they're passionate about. The trick is to share what you're passionate about with other people in a way that corresponds with their own passions. If a person likes rap and you like dubstep, explore the musical similarities and differences of the two genres with them, and compare your favorite elements with theirs. If you like computers and they like dogs, have a conversation about microchipping pets and its ethics.

The most important thing in conversation is to create a scenario in which everyone gets to talk about what they want to talk about, at the same time. Or at least one after the other.



That's many people, really. You likely have had others help you all your life, thus making mundane tasks seem trivial and unworthy of your time. Much of the millennial generation has this mindset because of the popular parenting philosophies that existed during the 90's, encouraging coddling and celebrating openly every insignificant achievement. It's hard to feel motivated when you know every outcome will be celebrated as a victory.



Yeah, okay. This one I can't help you with.



Nietzsche referred to this tendency of people as being stuck between Superman and Beast - on one hand, you have your Superman, telling you to be a great person, not to be judgmental, and to care about everyone, while on the other you have the Beast, telling you that, yes, you should absolutely be a dick to everyone if it makes you feel better. All people are like this - you can see it expressed in popular culture by the angel and devil on peoples' shoulders.

Nietzsche went on to say that what was beautiful about man is that we constantly struggled to be better than we are, that we fought to be our Superman, no matter how easy it was to be the Beast. Feel happy that you're trying, that you're fighting, because as a human being that's literally the best thing you can do for yourself.



That's known as Apathetic Boredom, the most recently-discovered of the five types of boredom (and yes, there are five distinct types), which carries with it an emotional deadness that has been likened to depression. It's pretty common in what's known as "achievement settings," like work and school, where you're expected to produce things sporadically and have no real personal motivation for what you are doing.

Apathetic Boredom is bad news, and I'd recommend actively keeping yourself occupied as much as possible to stave it off. Even daydreaming can be an escape - try it, if you're not able to do anything else.



We use music to modulate what emotions we want to feel. If you feel powerless or frustrated, music like death metal helps you feel out the anger that your mind is telling you that you need to feel. It's a release and, while not my personal cup of tea, it's a very healthy thing to do.

Pop music, on the other hand, sucks. It's generic, bland, forgettable, and there's really nothing more to be said about that.



That's what it's like to be a person. Find a way to make money off of what interests you, and go from there.



Again, that's being a person. All of us feel vastly different on different days - there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you should embrace not being entirely constant.



Following direct instructions always sucks a little bit, because we're wired and culturally programmed to want to do things for ourselves. Guidelines give you more freedom, but still tell you ultimately what you can or can't do. When you have guidelines, you have the freedom to express yourself. When you are given direct orders, you do not.

Typically, though having more choices can increase stress, having the freedom to be creative feels good.



Empathy is literally your brain replaying events from your past in your unconscious mind that parallel what you're currently seeing. If you've been homeless and see a homeless man, you immediately remember what it was like to be homeless, the pain and degradation, and then probably shell out five bucks for him to buy a sandwich because you feel that instinctive sense of caring. Likewise, if a rich person who has never been homeless sees that homeless man, it's much easier for them to brush him aside and tell him to get a job, because the rich man doesn't have his memories nagging at him and telling him how awful it is to be in the homeless man's situation.

In short, yep, this is another that's-called-being-human thing.



As it turns out, the entire planet can relate. Being a human being is a complex and contradictory experience. If you're ever at a loss, consider your problems individually, and meditate or research on why these things in you are the way that they are.

Hope this helped.

On one hand I too feel like a walking contradiction. But in fact, I don't think things that have a logical explanation for the apparent contradiction, are actually a contradiction. Yes on the surface they appear contradictory, but regarding all the things you have listed, I personally think it isn't too hard to see a logical explanation behind every one of them. So things that appear contradictory are often merely 'not simple'. Which is why I agree with what is above mentioned regarding personality questionnaires. In fact most questionnaires with yes/no or even a scale of answer options, I find to be a nightmare and my anxiety goes overboard in trying to answer questions that often cannot have a binary answer and I feel like I'm almost being dishonest by selecting 'the closest answer' to what applies to me, even though I know it is nowhere near an accurate description of me regarding the area that question covers. Therefore results of the questionnaires when applied to say diagnosing something, can be severely flawed in that the person has been forced to select an answer that does not reflect the complexity of reality, and then the results can be interpreted wrong. And indeed the questions themselves can have many different interpretations so it frustrates me when filling out a questionnaire and I ask the person who gave it me 'which interpretation shall I take?' and they say 'It's up to you'. But I am concerned that it really shouldn't be up to subjective opinion, because I might select a different interpretation to what the creator of the questionnaire intended with that question, and then the questionnaire really isn't measuring what it was meant to be measuring. Argh, sorry slight unrelated rant!

Thanks. On most Myers-Briggs tests, I test as an INTJ; here, I tested as an INFJ. I think the difference between the "F" and the "T" is the fact that, even with the continuum function, several of the answers really are situation-dependent.

@mr_bigmouth_502: much of what you said sounds like me, too, with the exception of the loud music thing--I don't even like playing it loudly when I'm in control of it.

The phrase "walking contradiction" is interesting--I said that about myself once too, a while ago. It can sometimes be frustrating, but being able to switch between extremes seems to enable me to see multiple sides of a situation, which can also get confusing, but hey, nothing's perfect.

On the one Myers-Briggs test that was posted here recently, I tested as an ISTP, which is strange since I did some reading about it, and apparently ISTPs are supposed to be "adventerous". Myself, I wouldn't consider myself adventerous, though I do identify with some of the other traits, like having the ability to sometimes focus intensely on something and block everything else out.

Whenever I listen to my own music, I don't tend to play it loudly. Once in a while I will if I'm in the mood to or I'm trying to block out some other noise, but most of the time I'll just listen to it at a low, comfortable volume. As well, even though I like noise music and death metal, they aren't my main genres. Most of the time, I pretty much listen to industrial rock, electronic music, alternative, or "lighter" types of metal (not as light as A7X, but like Metallica and other bands like that).

And funnily enough, the title of this thread is actually a reference to a Green Day song. I chose it since I like the song, and I feel that the term "walking contradiction" is an apt description of what I am.

Thanks--I just listened to it. Makes sense.

I always liked "Boulevard of Broken Dreams."