Aspie honesty, a handicap in modern culture?

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StuckWithin
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20 Jan 2014, 2:04 pm

Can't begin to say how much modern western culture seems to make the ingrained Aspie honesty a handicap. I had always heard growing up that honesty was a virtue, but I think that was more true when the man of his word culture was the norm. Nowadays the media-driven PR/smiling salesman on steroids culture of our times seems to treat honesty as anything BUT a virtue... It's a liability at best, especially when you are compelled to create a persona that others will find alluring, just to get ahead in this life. That seems utterly immoral.

Imagine if Aspie-style fact-based communication were the standard form of human communication. The fake smiling PR types would seem like a very odd lot, maybe even disconnected from reality in some ways. What a different world it would be. Imagine governments matter of factly addressing the real needs of society instead of doing whatever lobbyists and spin doctors said.

I am thinking that this is why many of us prefer the inanimate material world, the technical/computer programming world, and even prefer being around animals, whose use of politics and lies is nonexistent.


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eggheadjr
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20 Jan 2014, 2:48 pm

Lots of virtues seem to have gone out the window: honesty, hard work, self control, responsibility, etc.

I think a lot of it has to do with the garbage on TV these days - just look at many of the sitcoms and most of the reality TV shows. A sad state of affairs indeed.


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20 Jan 2014, 2:51 pm

I was having a similar discussion with my brother. We were having hamburgers and his was messy and falling apart so he got a fork and knife to finish it. He then made a joking comment about hoping no one blasted him for being un-American for eating a hamburger with a fork and knife. I did not know what he was referring to as I am a person who does not watch TV or even keep up with the news by choice because of the shenanigans that are taken for news. Apparently some political person who was considering running for president ate pizza with a fork and knife, and he was lambasted for it. This was stupid. I do not know what this person stood for, but to take this as news, or a reason to lambast a person's character is wrong.


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20 Jan 2014, 3:01 pm

I agree with everything that has been said so far. And another virtue that doesn't seem to exist anymore is patience.



StuckWithin
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20 Jan 2014, 3:03 pm

eggheadjr wrote:
Lots of virtues seem to have gone out the window: honesty, hard work, self control, responsibility, etc.

I think a lot of it has to do with the garbage on TV these days - just look at many of the sitcoms and most of the reality TV shows. A sad state of affairs indeed.

YES - how right you are. Excellent observations. TV doesn't appeal to me so I am out of step with what is considered "normal" by that standard.


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20 Jan 2014, 3:13 pm

StuckWithin wrote:
The fake smiling PR types would seem like a very odd lot, maybe even disconnected from reality in some ways. What a different world it would be. Imagine governments matter of factly addressing the real needs of society instead of doing whatever lobbyists and spin doctors said..


They are disconnected from reality. Modern economics is based on a whole series of false assumptions - and this has been pointed out eften enough for them to know that they are false assumptions, and when they keep repeating them that makes them lies.
StuckWithin wrote:
I am thinking that this is why many of us prefer the inanimate material world, the technical/computer programming world, and even prefer being around animals, whose use of politics and lies is nonexistent.


Having spent a lot of time around nonhumans, many species are perfectly capable of deceit. Others do engage in simple political activity.



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20 Jan 2014, 3:24 pm

Being around this website has really helped me clarify this problem for myself.

Being honest is one thing, but being obnoxious is another. Here's an example: there's a woman where I work who is in her 60s and always looking for a bf. I mean obsessed with it for years. The rest of her life is (according to her) disastrous, she cries a lot, has no interests other than her kids it seems. So she finally found a bf (been going out for a few months now). The other day she told me - I'm so happy now, I have a man! My life is wonderful, I'm going of my antidepressants! Well my first instinct was to say, ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU BARELY KNOW HIM! WHAT IF YOU BREAK UP?

That is an example of Aspie honesty and it would have been inappropriate on so many levels! Fortunately I stopped myself and just told her I was happy for her. There was a time when I would have thought it was my "job" to tell her she needed to be more realistic, etc.

As for the issue of moral honesty or fakeness, I doubt Aspies are much better at it then anybody else. The media is certainly a mess, but I don't think it's because people running the media don't have Asperger's.



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20 Jan 2014, 3:32 pm

Most Autistic traits are a handicap in the modern western world of 2014. Preferring to be alone and lack of social skills are the biggest ones. That is why the DSM labels it a "disorder" rated by functioning. There is nothing inherently wrong with these traits but they do make it very difficult to function, these days. Autism is a pervasive condition http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pervasive but all everybody seems to want to talk about is the social parts. This demonstrate the priority of the NT majority world.

The pizza incident involved New York City mayor Bill De Blasio. The act of eating pizza with a knife and fork was not considered un American but a un New Yorker thing to do.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/11/nyreg ... .html?_r=0
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgBa8VKWiBw[/youtube]


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20 Jan 2014, 3:37 pm

I've found that my blunt honesty is a double edged sword. Sometimes it is appreciated by employers, sometimes frowned upon as it ruffles feathers. Similarly in my personal life... in relationships I've learned that people don't always want a honest answer, instead they seek reassurance instead.


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StuckWithin
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20 Jan 2014, 3:41 pm

So strange that they would make a shallow issue out of how the guy chose to eat pizza. I can already see several good reasons for doing it his way. For one, maybe he had to shake a lot of hands so didn't want to have greasy hands afterwards. Or, maybe it's just more comfortable to leave the pizza flat on the plate and cut pieces off it, because if you lift it up, toppings may fall off (sometimes the whole cheese layer with the toppings slides off, making an embarrassing plop sound and mess), or - even worse - the toppings might fall onto his shirt, which would create even greater embarrassment.

They should have left the guy alone.


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20 Jan 2014, 3:45 pm

StuckWithin wrote:
I am thinking that this is why many of us prefer the inanimate material world, the technical/computer programming world, and even prefer being around animals, whose use of politics and lies is nonexistent.



Politics and lies are not unique to humans.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deception_in_animals

Quote:
Mitchell and Thompson list four levels of deception in animals:[2]
False markings on animals, such as butterfly markings that indicate their heads are at the back end of their bodies as an aid to escape, or markings to make predators appear safe
False behaviour, such as a predator acting in a way to hide its predatory nature around prey
Feigned injury to get or divert attention; for example, a parent bird feigning a broken wing to attract a predator away from its defenceless offspring
Verbal deception such as a chimp misleading other chimps to hide a food source, or a human lying in order to deceive another


http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/22/scien ... wanted=all

Quote:
Just as there are myriad strategies open to the human political animal with White House ambitions, so there are a number of nonhuman animals that behave like textbook politicians. Researchers who study highly gregarious and relatively brainy species like rhesus monkeys, baboons, dolphins, sperm whales, elephants and wolves have lately uncovered evidence that the creatures engage in extraordinarily sophisticated forms of politicking, often across large and far-flung social networks.


Quote:
Over time, the demands of a social animal’s social life may come to swamp all other selective pressures in the environment, possibly serving as the dominant spur for the evolution of ever-bigger vote-tracking brains. And though we humans may vaguely disapprove of our political impulses and harbor “Fountainhead” fantasies of pulling free in full glory from the nattering tribe, in fact for us and other highly social species there is no turning back. A lone wolf is a weak wolf, a failure, with no chance it will thrive.

Dario Maestripieri, a primatologist at the University of Chicago, has observed a similar dilemma in humans and the rhesus monkeys he studies.

“The paradox of a highly social species like rhesus monkeys and humans is that our complex sociality is the reason for our success, but it’s also the source of our greatest troubles,” he said. “Throughout human history, you see that the worst problems for people almost always come from other people, and it’s the same for the monkeys. You can put them anywhere, but their main problem is always going to be other rhesus monkeys.”


Lies and politics are a big part of human life because humans are a part of nature. Many different animal species evolved decepetion as a survival strategy. The social animals evolved politics. It apparently isn't possible to have a social structure of any sort without also having politics. Total honesty will get you killed, and not just by humans.



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20 Jan 2014, 3:50 pm

StuckWithin wrote:
So strange that they would make a shallow issue out of how the guy chose to eat pizza. I can already see several good reasons for doing it his way. For one, maybe he had to shake a lot of hands so didn't want to have greasy hands afterwards. Or, maybe it's just more comfortable to leave the pizza flat on the plate and cut pieces off it, because if you lift it up, toppings may fall off (sometimes the whole cheese layer with the toppings slides off, making an embarrassing plop sound and mess), or - even worse - the toppings might fall onto his shirt, which would create even greater embarrassment.

They should have left the guy alone.


It's worth considering the context. De Blasio is a Democrat. Faux News are a bunch of right-wing [VOLUNTARILY REDACTED SO THAT I DON'T VIOLATE THE TOS].

Politics, again.



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20 Jan 2014, 4:30 pm

Janissy wrote:

Lies and politics are a big part of human life because humans are a part of nature. Many different animal species evolved decepetion as a survival strategy. The social animals evolved politics. It apparently isn't possible to have a social structure of any sort without also having politics. Total honesty will get you killed, and not just by humans.


I agree. Whenever an Aspie tries to emulate NT social behaviour, we practice deception, for the simple reason that most of us understand that if we don't, they will make us suffer for it. Not passing to an adequate level means you get marginalised, and a marginalised animal in a social species is a vulnerable one, that will often die sooner than its integrated peers.



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20 Jan 2014, 4:36 pm

eggheadjr wrote:
hard work,



This one's a myth perpetuated to justify lowering wages and conditions.



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20 Jan 2014, 4:42 pm

StuckWithin wrote:
So strange that they would make a shallow issue out of how the guy chose to eat pizza. I can already see several good reasons for doing it his way. For one, maybe he had to shake a lot of hands so didn't want to have greasy hands afterwards. Or, maybe it's just more comfortable to leave the pizza flat on the plate and cut pieces off it, because if you lift it up, toppings may fall off (sometimes the whole cheese layer with the toppings slides off, making an embarrassing plop sound and mess), or - even worse - the toppings might fall onto his shirt, which would create even greater embarrassment.

They should have left the guy alone.


:lol: I eat pizza by scraping the toppings off with a fork, eating the cheese, sauce and toppings and throwing the crust away. Less carbs and you can hold a lot more of the good stuff. Pizza buffet restaurants hate me.



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20 Jan 2014, 4:57 pm

Honesty, freedoms, rights... these are all things of the past now, in part due to government, in part due to people's unwillingness to change for the better. The fact that most people don't care just makes it worse.

Honesty will get you lunch, whereas lying will get you billions-- this is the new reality, it's sad, but that's just how it is. It's not likely to change anytime soon either because that's how control is maintained as well, and with control comes the want for more control, etc. etc.

Right now, that's what's plaguing america; dishonesty, greed, and power. Only the honest working class pays the price for it.


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