Is it Aspergers or anxiety and depression why I struggle?

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I sometimes wish I didn’t have Aspergers since I live in a very abrasive and superficially religious culture that shuns individuality, rewards conformity, and encourages bullying. But is it truly Aspergers that makes me struggle or is it the anxiety and depression I suffer from that really has?
Should I wish for a cure for those things instead of Aspergers? I can’t enjoy life, I suffer every day, and I wish there was something that could be done for me to finally function.

Last edited by Marknis on 11 Dec 2019, 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It sounds to me like depression...the phrase "ruined me" sounds like something my pre-medicated self would have said. Tried lots of things before meds, but that's what finally lifted me far enough out of the depression to change some things about my life and be happier.

Asperger's, depression and anxiety, comorbid

You can't separate them

My dr said for me: ASD first, then anxiety and not depression --- it's really frustration. A dr pointed out when I was 20 that I had a hard time externalizing my frustration and anger, so I turn it in. Funny that it's taking 20 years to "get it". At 20 I was put on a medicine for depression and it went badly; I was put on an anti-convulsive after that which helped me get through that time period, not well, but I did.

Coincidence: just picked up a book I am reading (Asperger's on the Inside) and it reads (bold emphasis is mine):

(Author was in a workplace, one might presume it's unsupportive, or she doesn't know to ask for accommodations)
"...those five years... I fell into the heaviest depression I've ever encountered, which could have easily killed my spirit irreparably had I never found a way to get out. ...You think I would have just refused and walked away from it so many years earlier. Believe me, I wanted to, but socially, it was hard.

'Think positive,' people tell you, 'and you call pull yourself out of it with an upbeat attitude.' I worked so hard to fight it.

[Years later the diagnosing dr for ASD] explained that these …. experiences I describe weren't uncommon for people with Asperger's and that she'd heard stories like mine before. She explained to me that the "sick" feeling I talked of was the result of bottling up frustration and anxiety all day, every day."

^... how much can I cram in there before the steam makes the lid pop!

Marknis, I dont think anyone on here could say for certain, I agree though that I dont think they can be separated on a practical level.
Mental health challenges tend to be higher in people with disabilities and autistic people aren't any different in that regard. It's how you are naturally, even if you were in a healthily supportive environment the inclination towards depression could be there still, but you would view it and react to it differently. There will always be things that are harder or not realistic due to the disability.

Social isolation caused by Aspergers often leads to anxiety and depression.
You are an extreme introverted loner and no social network and being isolated leads to depression and anxiety.
It is rare to have Aspergers and be an outgoing, friendly, extrovert.
Being socially isolated with no social network you remain stuck and do not develop people skills because well being on your own watching TV or on a computer does not develop people skills and makes you feel more isolated, depressed and anxious.

I live in what feels like a constant state of anxiety.

I appease it by engaging my mind in thinking.

Ordering thing, finding patterns, memorizing ideas, watching tv shows, computer games.

It is like I am not human.

It is like am an observer that collects information that others likely don't take notice of.

I didn’t know I had Aspergers until I was 17. Before then, I felt like I was the only one suffering from obsessive thoughts, being left out of social interaction, and would always be in my older brother’s shadow. I am still in his shadow since he’s married, has children, and has a business that is constantly making waves.

I am 31 and I still can’t get a coffee date, the opportunities for becoming a father are decreasing all the time, and I work for others instead of myself. Why was I even born?

I am the latter (outgoing, friendly, extroverted) ---- so I do have lots of friends ("everybody knows Sharon"), however, I can't relate to them well so still feel isolated (it sucks to be "alone" when with friends). My "skills" are more but my needs are more. I would suggest the relative isolation experienced by Introverted and Extroverted ASD can be similar.

From an upbeat perspective, you tell me. What would you want to do?

Really, I would like to do puzzles all day, research all day, solve problems all day long --- or travel or talk to people (like-minded or otherwise understanding folks), educate folks, write books, play, swim, read all day long... Of course this is not practical (I am not independently wealthy and I have kids), but in what way can I incorporate any of these into my life? (my poor kids get dragged around to a lot of free library, museum and community events)

I wish I could write songs (and, of course, play them if I was part of a band) as well as books, draw comics/manga, have an easier time making friends, and be able to finally find love even if I have to start things off with a coffee date.

The Bible Belt, church leaders, my parents, school teachers, and religious freaks sabotaged me.

Ironically, you have lots of "material" for songs... I remember when I was in another yet crisis during my medical hardship and my AS-like BFF said, "This will be great for your book!" And she wasn't wrong. My frame of mind (in my 40s) is now … I will write the book (most likely), all in good time. At your age it was more "now or never" - and a whole lot of things felt like they weren't "now" (if you get my drift --- like some flotsam on the high seas).

One might predict you will find your love at an usual place, but the irony is it could very well be in a coffee shop, but perhaps in a completely different way (e.g. a dropped muffin). My BFF and I (sadly) found our guys by "getting out there". My sister forced me and my BFF forced herself. We were just talking about it this weekend. A co-worker invited her over that night and my BFF had arranged to go to a "mingling" and didn't want to go and much preferred the movie at her co-worker's, but my BFF told herself she HAD TO go and did. And her life went in an unexpected direction. It's not pleasant. It's possible.

Like Tony Attwood says, no one struggles from Asperger's. We struggle from how others treat us because we are different. We struggle because society refuses to create spaces that meet our needs.

This.

Even if you can't completely cure depression and anxiety, you can get much better with them by recognizing and validating (and, whenever possible, adressing) your true needs.

I hope you find some answers