''I'll rather have no friends than friends like that''

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Do you have people saying this to you when you hang around with friends that are too much to handle or take advantage of you? I always find this hypocritical, because it is common for NTs to not want to be alone as in friendless, but they make it sound to us like it is best to be alone than to be used. They may be right, but if everyone took that much notice of every little quirk a friend as, then nobody would have any friends. After all, nobody is perfect. (Being bullied by friends is different, do come away from those sorts).

I am not as naive as people think I am. I can recognise when I am being took advantage of, but I still tend to look at the good sides of people too, and also I find it hard to let go because I don't like to be alone. So this argument always annoys me:

Me: Oh my friends wants me to do X and I don't want to
NT: Well, tell them no
Me: I don't like to, I feel guilty saying no
NT: Don't be guilty, Stand up for yourself
Me: But they might conflict with me
NT: Then they're not proper friends in the first place then

That sounds so precise. I know they have a point, but, like NTs, I fear to be alone. I'll let myself be a little compelled or beholden because I would rather that than have no friends at all. Then when you get advised by people to come away from people that treat you like an object, you then get criticised when you're always doing everything on your own. Also doing things on your own can be quite daunting too.

Then people say ''find the right people to be friends with''. So I go ''where?'' And they go ''find something that interests you and join a group where you meet other people with the same interest''. So I go ''OK, I am interested in the supernatural and afterlife....'' and they go ''you won't really find any social groups related to that!'' So I go ''but I don't really have any other interests that I can share with other people at some club''. Then they give me the ''you're screwed then'' look.

I just look at a lot of NTs and think ''it's all right for you, you can make friends easier than me. I have to make twice as much effort and be lucky to meet someone that's not even half compatible, just for companion''. Oh, why is my life so futile???

How is that hypocritical? If I say I don't want to be hungry, am I a hypocrite if I then turn down rotting food or dog poop off the side of the road?

I agree with them, by the way. Bad friends leave long-lasting damage to my self-esteem, mood, energy, and ability to trust at best and my material life at worst, while loneliness leaves a temporary mark on my self-esteem and energy. There will always be more people, but there will never be peace of mind if I spend all my time and energy maintaining toxic friendships that bleed me dry and undermine me as a person.

I have seen things like ghost hunter's clubs, though, so it's untrue that there are no social groups related to the supernatural.

It is kind of hard to find groups like that in "real life" but there are lots of groups about that online, and sometimes those groups meet up and do things together in real life too. Some of them are groups for people interested in a certain topic, like ghost hunting or EVP phenomena. And other groups are for people interested in a particular author or psychic or channeler.

Friendships do involve give and take, even for NTs. To want things your way all the time isn't being a good friend either.

Where I draw the line is someone taking advantage or using you. It's one thing for a friend to ask for help with something. If they only want interaction with you when they want something, tho', that is NOT a friend.

A good test, even of someone who might SEEM to be a "user"...

When you have a serious problem or need, and you ask them for help, do they gladly agree to help, or do they say "No"?

Someone who's willing to help you with something, even when it's inconvenient, there's a measure of real friendship there.

Doing something with another person that you don't really want to do but they do want to do isn't being taken advantage of. It's part of friendship.

It's not being weak or allowing yourself to be used. It's being a friend to the other person.

Now, if they never do the same for you, and you're the only one in the relationship that's willing to give and make sacrifices...

Find a new friend. In that case no friend IS better than THAT "friend".

My current situation now deals with my group of "friends". The first one I deal with now always makes up excuses out of the blue whenever I ask him what he's doing over the weekend. Another one that I have seems to leave me out of everything including hanging out and all, and has even made some rude remarks and I do nothing but let it slide. I didn't know what to think back then but now I come to a conclusion that I should try and find some others outh there and make better friends.

I have that attitude myself.
I don't have a lot of friends.

Urgh, I used to get that feeling all the time. I forced myself to hang out with people I didn't care much for because I wanted to act "normal," and at least have a group to hang out with. I've now given up, because people realise when you don't like being with them much and they eventually "dumped" me. I feel much happier being alone than being forced to hang out with them and act unnatural. That being said, NTs tend to succumb to the pressure to hang out. My best friend forces herself to do this thing even when I point out the futility of it all. Though mind you, she has more "friends" than I do ...

... I would rather be alone than have friends who aren't really friends, given, I place a huge value on friendship. Now, I perfectly understand no one is perfect, and I accept a wide range of flaws and such, but there are things I won't tolerate. Being taken advantage of is one of them, that is so offensive, predatory, pretentious, and violates the meaning of friendship. It's a horrible feeling, being in a haze of confusion, questioning their loyalty/respect/feelings for you when their actions say, "I don't take this friendship seriously... but you are useful". f**k you would be my response as I ended all contact, severing that poison, because I don't need that.

Making friends is difficult... that is why I am alone, I do just fine though by myself.

I have been told by other people that sometimes people can have "bad" company rather than having no company at all.

It's like when youngsters in their teens/early 20s who start smoking or drinking just because their mates are. They let themselves get influenced, and they don't refuse because they are afraid of standing out from the group, or their friends might start to disrespect them for not smoking or drinking with them. How come that person doesn't listen to the usual ''stand your ground or walk away, and if they don't like it then they weren't friends in the first place'' cliche? They're probably too afraid to be alone, or worry about losing their familiar friends in case he/she can't make new friends., so they would rather put their health at risk than to be alone.

That's how I feel. Society seems to look upon friendless people so much that it makes me want to stick to people. If they are bullying me or are nasty in other ways then I won't put up with that. But if they're just quirky or patronising or whatever, then I can handle it.