Strange feelings

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Do you ever have strange feelings that make you cringe when you reflect upon them, knowing that your strange feelings make absolutely no sense? You know they make such lack of sense that you would be sublimely embarassed at their revelation to others and so you strive to keep them secret? You know that the revelation of such strange feelings would cause people to question your entire being?

I've learned not to. After almost a lifetime of seeking validation, I can generate it internally more, and screw everyone else. No one's experience is more worthwhile or valid than your own, no matter how it feels otherwise. Everyone has their own brand of crazy.

That's a complicated question.

How I feel usually seems quite reasonable to me, though it might be hard to figure out, as I often have strong feelings including confusion about other people's social behavior.

How I feel often seems to be treated as not making sense by others, however.

Sometimes I feel dissociated. I feel emotionally numb, and the world around me, and even myself, feels unreal. At the same time, though, I am very creative.

If I don't express my creativity right away, I get body illusions and/or have odd thoughts. Some examples of having odd thoughts include only being able to think in metaphors and free associations.

Me, the strange feelings are enjoyable, but whenever I reflect on them, I realize they do not match the subject matter.