Gay and Autistic?

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Hello!

Let me preface by saying that I was going to put this in the LGBT Discussion Forum but I decided that it's better suited here as what I'm going to write primarily concerns special interests.

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Anyway, I was wondering.. is it common for people on the spectrum to have greater difficulties in determining their true sexuality? I've brought this up in the past in a thread about having crushes and some people pointed out that it's possible to be obsessed with someone, and mistake it for a crush. With regards to sexuality, how would one discern between a crush or an obsession, or a crush AND an obsession?

For example, in my case I tend to be attracted to both sexes, though apparently more-so to males than females. I can't distinguish whether or not this is due to obsessive tendencies or my actual sexual nature. I've said before that I tend to seek out a socially successful male (in any situation, doesn't have to be overall) and I become obsessed.. I guess you could say it's as if I love them. It's really creepy though because I tend to go further than most do (and in a weirder way) when this happens.. I'll leave it up to you to imagine how. I'm sure many of you have experienced it before. It involves intense rejection etc. I could go on and describe it for ages but there isn't much point.

So my question is.. for you fabulous bi/gay (other identifications welcome of course) autistics out there, what is your point of view on the issue? In my case, I can't tell whether I'm bisexual or gay, or bisexual with a stronger preference for men. I know for certain that I'm not straight, and I'm also very much aware that it's all a continuum and that you can't really put a label on sexuality, however my question persists.

<-- That is all.

Well since this place has an LGBT section, then gay and autistic must go together. NT teens at least seem to be plenty unsure and confused. I feel like i have have a better handle on my sexuality then some of them.

I knew what my sexuality resembled when I was your age too, but the fact that special interests could interfere with my desires urges me to find out precisely how the two relate to each other. I've checked threads old enough to archive for relevant information, but I feel there's more that could be said and/or learned.

I have 3 ideological outlines:

1. When you have a crush, that person becomes your special interest/obsession simultaneously.
2. You can have obsessions on anyone of any sex, and it doesn't dictate your sexuality. It does however confuse you.
3. You can have obsessions on anyone of any sex, but you can also have a crush on someone separate.
4. You can have obsessions on anyone of any sex, but have no crush and be asexual.

I don't really have any valuable knowledge for #2 and #3, but #1 is fairly easy to grasp. #4 confuses me greatly, as I'm not asexual and so I cannot comprehend it properly.

I'm asexual, but didn't realize it until I was 39. I just always assumed how I felt was normal, and had no idea I was 'missing' something that other people feel. (Oops?!)

[EDIT] To answer #4 above – I've always had crushes on male actors. I think they're beautiful. But if they showed up on my doorstep wanting sex... Ugh, no way.

Last edited by Ashariel on 02 Feb 2014, 12:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do you have any 'obsessions' with people though? Or do you just have complete disinterest. I'm really not sure how asexuality works.

If you are autistic. Then it would be a safe bet that you are asexual. just put it in neutral.

Haha, I just edited my answer above... Yeah I like to admire male actors from afar, but absolutely do not want sex with them. And I don't crush on anyone in real life.

I feel the same way, but then again I'd never want to have anal sex. I don't particularly like sex with females either other than for the physical feelings, and even then I get all sweaty etc. Well, to be fair I've only had sex once in my life, but still, I know how I feel about it. Despite all this however, I'd be up for other sexual acts. I'm not sure if that means anything or not.



I'm not sure how I feel about this, but in a way I find it compelling especially in light of what Ashariel wrote. I have a friend in real life with autism that practically embodies the opposite of asexual.

I'm no expert, but from what I understand, not all gay men are into anal sex, so there might be guys out there who share your specific preferences.

And no, I don't think all autistics are asexual... But we do seem to dominate that demographic!

Why would you have a crush on someone you're not sexually interested in? You can be obsessed with someone you're not sexually attracted to, but the term "crush" presupposes a sexual and/or love interest. So if you have crushes on guys, you're gay. It's not just an obsession or special interest.

Have a pic? If you're a nice-looking dude, I might not mind you having a crush on me and being obsessed with me ...



No, you don't. There's a disproportionate number who's asexual, but many more don't have sex simply because we lack opportunity. That's not the same.

Yes, that's a better way of putting it. I agree, and worded it wrong!

That is neither a logical nor accurate statement.

Just because the two are not mutually exclusive does not automatically predicate a link.

Personally, the only thing I see them having in common are feelings of social alienation.

Arent there a lot of married people with autism on here? As for me I will be perfectly blunt and tell that I am in a gay relationship. As far as crushes go, I may not quite get what that means as being discussed here. There are people I find attractive looking and like looking at, if that means a crush. I even sort of have a crush of sorts on Hope Estheim from Final Fantasy who is my avatar. Although I have not had any fantasies about him - scouts honor



Well what I meant is that they can go together. That being autistic does not exclude one from being gay.
I know at least 3 aspie males on another forum who are gay.

Neighbor who moved in next door when we were 9. We became instant friends. And when we got close to 13, our friendship turned into something more.

This thread, in my opinion, does not concern "special interests". It concerns attractions between people. I think this should have gone in the LGBT section, but it's here, so I'll talk about it here.

I haven't heard of people on the spectrum having any more difficulties determining their sexuality. I have high-functioning autism, and I figured out I was bisexual about a year and half a month ago. And I didn't have any doubts about it since. Granted, sometimes I'm more attracted to girls, and sometimes I'm more attracted to guys, but I know I am bisexual overall. Part of the reason why I didn't figure it out right away was because I hadn't heard of bisexuality as much as I had heard of straight and gay people, and I wasn't quite sure what the word meant. If autistic people are more "sheltered" from these sorts of things than neurotypical kids, they might have harder time figuring it out. And if they are less self-aware it might take them a bit longer, but otherwise I don't think there's any evidence that suggests autistic people have any more trouble discerning their sexuality than NTs.