Got scolded by my doctor today, I feel humiliated :(

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Hi, I haven't been on this forum for a while now. So it's been about two years now after I finished the gymnasium. I didn't want to go to University or get a job due to social anxiety so I haven't been doing anything at home except using computer and other unproductive stuff. I've been ok for a while but lately I wasn't feeling very well so I had no choice but to visit a doctor. Since I'm unemployed I had no health insurance anymore and services cost a lot of money without it. This is where the nasty stuff began, the doctor started accusing me of various things: "Do you earn the money for the medicine? Your parents pay for all of this!", "Don't you want to live a normal life, get a wife and have children?", "You're old enough to realise that you're suppose to work or study like all other people"... I was just sitting and showing my angry face to her, I could barely resist . Now I know that i've got no excuse of being unemployed but the way she put it was... I felt like a was bullied. She forced me to register to Labour Exchange and I did so that I don't need to pay the money. I don't know what to do anymore, I started hating people even more after this, I don't imagine living a "normal life".

I don't know that this is what you want, but it's what I can think to say from the information in your post. If I'm off base, I apologize.

Sometimes people are unkind, even cruel. The doctor might have been angry, might have meant to help. It's over now, let this go and try to feel better from whatever illness of not feeling well you went to her for. Don't try to understand when you feel ill. Everything looks worse. Just try to feel better.

I think she genuinely wanted to help you with your health insurance situation, but her judgemental and patronizing attitude was completely uncalled for. I'm especially upset after reading her "normal life" remark. A wife and children? Who is this person to try and force her gender- and heteronormative opinions on her patients? That's just rude, ignorant and discriminatory.

Someone ought to remind medical professionals like her that they're service providers and their patients are King Customer who can easily take their (insurance) money elsewhere. A physician is no better than a hairdresser in my eyes. I've meant to say something like this to many supposed demigods in white in the past, but like you, all I can do is sit there and let it wash over me in such a situation.

She was being completely out of order. Complain about her, it is not her position to be patronizing and condescending to you.

On the one hand, she was probably trying to help you forcing you to examine your life and where it is going.

On the other hand, her behavior was unprofessional.

If I were you, I'd start focusing on what I could do to move my life forward. I'd ask my parents and my friends for help. (That's because we Aspies tend to be helpless, and often think we're trapped in a situation when we're not.)

Thanks for replies guys. I don't think I can complain about her behaviour towards patients because simply no one would listen. My biggest problem is that people usually treat me like I'm "ret*d" in life or don't want to grow up and in my opinion It's a very narrow minded thing to say. I had a numerous problems in early childhood: bullied by other kids, quarrels in family and I feel like it hasn't gone away. Can't help but feel hostility towards other people. And what can you do in this world alone? Nothing!

I'm sorry if I implied you didn't want to grow up. But, as I said, you only have one life. What's past is past. You can learn to trust people again by choosing the people you want to be friends with and asking for help from good people. They are out there....lots are on this site.

I know there are a lot of good people on the internet but in real life It's completely different, you don't know who to trust and no one will come up to you either. I always though you're suppose to find friends naturally or meet someone unintentionaly who thinks alike but for it to become my main objective feels awkward and I hate depending on others.

OP your 21.

I got fired from every job I had until I was 23.
I lasted 14 years in that job until it closed.
I am in my current job 18 months and last Friday I got a permanent contract.
I still live with the parents and I don't have children.

I can honestly say OP I am feeling happy in my life.

Getting stated in the world of work is scary when a person has any kind of Autism but it's not as bad as you might think when you eventually get into the right job for you.

Having ASD does make things more difficult OP no doubt but sometimes what we need it not a nice chat sometimes we need a kick in the behind to get moving.
Maybe the doctor is right a job won't come and find you instead you have to go and find it.


I guess your worried about failing in a job?
Maybe you will fail once twice three four or even five times but you will learn just like I did.

Fitting in is hard for somebody with ASD but the only way you can truly fail is not to try.


I know this is not what you wanted to hear OP and at your age I would have been the same but with age comes experience.

Let me guess OP you think non of this applies to you and your useless?
That is just how I felt at your age and guess what I was wrong.

Ok the doctor was rude but get over it and start playing to game of life the only way you can really lose is to let it pass you by.

some people use that technique to try and motivate someone, this is what I was told when someone did the same thing while I was trying to learn horse riding.

they think that if they tell you things like that it will make you want to prove to them that you can do it, it obviously does not work on everyone and you have every right to be upset about it I was when the same thing happened to me, but keep in mind that she really was just trying to help you

Don't do this OP this is bad advice you need something positive in your life you don't want to get bogged down in a situation like that.

No offense MagaBass I would have agreed with you once but experience has though me different.

Dizzee people with ASD are immature for their age I am 39 I am really only starting to feel like an adult in the last year or so.


I got bulled as a child and an adult.

Also about depending on others you have to depend on other people to some extent we all do no man is a castle as the saying goes.


I will tell you one thing when you decide to start moving forward with your life in the employment sense this board and the people on it will help you greatly as they have with me.


Your doctor sounds like a right cow but she may have a point.

OP instead of looking at your life as one whole and feeling overwhelmed and depressed you need to tackle one problem at a time.
Employment I am guessing is what you need to tackle right now.

Last edited by sharkattack on 03 Feb 2014, 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is good advice ^^^

All of us have our stories of living through periods of despair and failure, including yours truly, especially when I was in my 20s. That decade is usually the toughest time for an Aspie.

That is so true but the one thing to remember about depression and failure they pass.

The OP might feel the problems he is experiencing right now do not seem like such a big deal to others but I can promise the OP when he looks back in a few years from now they won't seem like a big deal to him either.

I have no motivation to neither study neither work. I hate the fact that you're suppose to force yourself to accomplish anything in life. This is way too convulted for me, I want a peaceful environment cuz I get tired of people fast. Ofcourse I got a roof above my head and free food thanks to my working parents but seeing them going trough everyday problems kinda depresses me. It's painful for me to imagine doing the same mediocre work all day long, It's a lifestyle, you become what you do and It's like you loose your humanity, no free thoughs anymore.

I'm getting pistol-whipped regularly on another forum because I am unemployed.

Yes, I know I could be doing more than I am to find employment, but between depression, AS, anxiety issues, etc., I am doing about as much as I can HANDLE on a daily basis and trying to keep my spirits up. I know some of them mean well...some of them having "issues" of their own they have to overcome to work a job, but what I really want are words of encouragement to keep my spirits up...not harsh critiques of how much a slacker they think I am because I can't/won't do things the way they would do it.