Sense of self: dependent or independent of the group...

Post Reply New Topic

A seconding posting as something went wrong when I did the poll on the last thread and it won't let me edit it. My apologies about this.

Is your sense of self dependent or independent of those around you?

I was talking to someone recently about worthlessness (yes, sorry it has become a pet peeve of mine but please bear with me as this is just an example to highlight my point about something else) and he argued that if everyone or the people around you say you are worthless then you are. I replied with 'You can choose what to believe' and they replied with 'not if everyone is saying is'.

Um myself sense of self (or self worth or anything remotely similar if I believed that such ideologies existed outside of human society and culture...this whole self worth thing is yet another way for humans to try and quantify the unquantifiable), my beliefs and sense of self are in no way completely dependent on those around me. Not that my beliefs cant be influenced but I will try to veer away from just believing something because people say it is so in favour of seeking out my own conclusions after some research and reflection on the matter has been undertaken by myself in a satisfactory manner. When I have arrived at my conclusion I will let people know.

Other people do not define me....I define me. I and I alone. Other peoples beliefs about me don't exist in my inner world unless I choose to believe them because I feel they are an accurate and truthful representation. So it does not matter to me how many people would argue I am worthless (if I even believed in such a thing), I would choose only to believe what I felt to be true myself.

I also crave a life of self sufficiency in other ways but that is a different thread.

It seems however that this is not true for others. It seems their sense of self or beliefs are somewhat determined by those around them. They seem to defines themselves as others define them.

Which is it for you? Or is it a mixture of both? Or other?

My (tentative) solution:

Dependent enough to survive, Independent enough to have confidence and sense of self somewhat intact.

I do not really see any other possible solution if I want a somewhat "normal life".

I am alone in my own world, in my own universe, and there is no one else here to define me. So I chose the 4th option.

I have no idea how others see me. And my sense of self, or feelings of self worth seems to change with what I'm doing, what the weather is like, how tired I am.....