Hurting each other

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Why do humans like hurting each other?

I'd like to hear other peoples thoughts on this. I don't have many yet as I don't really understand it.

I think it's just a stupid game they play to make them feel better about their lot in life. It makes them feel better than others which puffs up their ego. It's a power trip, too.

My mother was very mean to everyone (including me) and also acted like she was so happy when she knew she'd hurt someone. But she was really very sad inside and felt powerless about her life. I caught her crying a lot. She got angry when she knew I'd seen her... but it spoke volumes to me about bullies.

People are complicated so there isn't one reason.

I don't understand it either--but I have noticed that some people hurt other people as part of a strategy to obtain something (power, dominance, physical goods, access to resources, etc) and other people actually enjoy seeing others suffer. I have only met a very few people who fall into the second group. I don't understand them at all.

Lots of things I don't understand.

I don't understand why people hurt each other.

I don't understand why people break into buildings just to vandalize it.

I don't understand why bullies pick on those who don't choose to fight back.

I have known one of that sort. He was actually a ver nice person, but sometimes, it just struck him. He wondered himself: "Sometimes, when I see other people being really happy I must destroy it, - and I don´t understand why". I guess he wasn´t so happy himself.

NTs base their confidence on their position in the social hierarchy. The higher they are, the better they feel.

Hence, asserting dominance and intimidating lower-ranking individuals ascertains their position, effectively giving them a confidence-boost.

Similar to the way independence gives people with AS a confidence-boost.

That is because people with AS, very differently from NTs, base their confidence on their immediate ability to survive on their own.

I have always asked this question. My least favorite excuse is "because I've been hurt in my life". You'll hear that excuse when people do extremely unspeakable crimes. They act like because they've been hurt by others in their life, that gives them the right to do it to others. It's not logical though. People who've been hurt in their life should actually be the ones that say "I know what pain feels like and I don't want to inflict that on others".

Sadly, I think, it is a typical thing in the human psychology, as long as the person in question haven´t thought long and hard over his/her own reactions and their deeper reasons.

don't understand it either. I spent a childhood of relentless suffering, being hurt by others [and I was such a sweet little kid] I have had different perseverations, but my total consuming one has been to alleviate suffering in other people.

I have come to the conclussion that sometimes people are unaware of the pain they are causing,some just automatically do it as a part of gaining control in their social structure, for some it is peer pressure, for some scapegoating others covers their own guilt, and I did not believe this for most of my life, but I now believe that some people are straight evil.

As a small school child, I decide NEVER to bully anyone, never to put anyone through that, - but one day, in third grade, I participated in a bully-choir, just to see what was so attractive about it.
I didn´t get a rush and I just felt bad, -- but sadly I wasn´t mature enough to give the poor victim an apology.
I think, many people get a rush from being one of the pack and are able to view the possible victim as a non-person.

Last edited by Jensen on 04 Feb 2014, 10:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't agree, only the shallow people base their self esteem and confidence from social hierarchy, its not important for everyone. it could be seen as quite insulting to suggest that's the case

and independence gives everyone a confidence boost, most of the time.

Last edited by franknfurter on 04 Feb 2014, 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly. What it does for them is it ascertains the power of the group ("As a group we can take down anyone and anything, we are strong together").

Groups of people are scary as hell. When they are on their own they are no more than lambs.

Generally, they want to feel power over the person they hurt, because they themselves have no power.

That, or the person they are hurting is deemed beneath their notice. Which, arguably, is worse.



Control, mostly, and a feeling of both rebelling at the established order and the feeling of creating art.

It's a very masculine, alpha-male rebellious sort of urge that isn't entirely negative, if we're looking at popular counter-culture street artists such as the well-known Banksy.



Precisely because they can't fight back. A bully naturally feels weak and wants to feel more powerful than someone else. They aren't going to fight a person they might lose to, because then the bully won't feel powerful. The bully picks a fight he knows he can win, because then he is guaranteed to feel stronger.

Yes groups are scary, but your statement following that is horribly wrong. People can be quite cruel on their own, as individuals. Just ask anyone who was abused as a child, if the abusive parent on their own was a "lamb." I find this idea incredibly offensive.

Oh, that was not what I meant by "lambs". Sorry about the misunderstanding.

I was talking about social situations between two adults, not an adult and a defenseless child.

What I meant was that when they are in a group they have no problem with bullying you, but when it is only you two, their courage has suddenly declined drastically. In that situation you can easily intimidate them, because they want to stay friends (they hate "ungrouping"), so if you insult them enough, they flee!! I have tried this myself when I had had enough. They flee when it gets serious between just you two, the lack of a group hurts them badly, the same way it hurts us to be bullied in a group.

I think when people feel they are being hurt, sometimes they look for something outside to blame. Sometimes that something is a person, or a group of people. And that person or group gets labeled as bad, dangerous and the cause of a lot of problems. And because they are perceived to be causing problems that are perceived to be bad, something the idea takes hold that something must be done. And that something is accomplished by things that hurt that person or group, but that no longer matters, because the person or group has now been labeled as different and bad and deserving of harm because they are now perceived as causing harm to a group, which may be the majority, and it may not be accurate, but the perception becomes one of self defense.

There is some stuff out there about why genocide occurs. I do t really understand this, but it seems to start with a group experiencing harm (not enough jobs, hunger, crime, whatever the issue may be) and another group that the first group comes to see as as causing harm escalating to the point where anything, no matter how violent, becomes justified as necessary.