Internet Equality

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I have been on discussion forums for about five months now. A lot of the time i hop from one to the other back and forth. And i realized how little difference there seems to be as far as age and autism goes. Everyone seems to be on equal ground whether they are autistic or nt or a teen or middle aged. I just find it interesting at least from my perspective that there seems to be so much equality online. Do you find it much easier to feel equal and less autistic when online?

Yea, no sensory issues to deal with or eye contact or non verbal cues.

EDIT: Unless there are non verbal cues on the internet. Please tell me I'm not missing them too!

I think if you watch closely, you can see a marked difference in the communication of neurotypicals from that of autistics, though it has little to do with language and more to do with a quality of observation. Look carefully at the things that NT parents of autistic kids say to each other here on WP and you'll often feel as though they're talking right over your head, not like you can't understand what they're talking about, but as though you weren't even a part of the conversation. They seem to trust only their own observations and those of their childrens' doctors and have little regard for the input of other autistics, most of the time.

OTOH, I think, even when you can clearly tell an age difference between speakers, that autistics of a wide age range communicate across generation gaps fairly easily, because the AS/HFA mind's emotional maturity level stalls out around the late teens or early 20s, so even though we may not have a lot in common personally, our thought processes are fairly similar. We tend to "see things" from roughly the same sort of perspective, because our brains have pretty much the same wiring schematic, which is not factory standard.

I've noticed that.

ASD or not, I've been using discussion forums on and off ever since I was around 10 or 11. At one point I basically lived on them (like you seem to enjoy doing) and would do almost nothing else. I've always felt it to be far less stressful communicating online especially via forums as I can take as much time as I want when writing a post, and that's all I really have to do. I don't have to worry about my other actions, I don't have to worry about my voice, my appearance, if I stink or not, and it's far less confronting if I make a slip up and someone pulls me up on it. I can also double check before I post on forums (my counselor told me that my mantra should be to 'not write and edit simultaneously') and am far less likely to make a stupid decision based on what someone else said. I also feel that because others can't directly see me, they aren't going to criticize my opinion simply because of my age or something ridiculous like that, as you slightly alluded to.

I could go on forever about internet equality, but I've said enough. It takes away a ton of pressure, so yes I definitely agree that I feel more equal online.

You're only on equal footing as long as you remain anonymous. As soon as you reveal any personal information about yourself, it will affect other posters' opinion of you, and some might use this information as ammunition for ad hominem arguments. You're suddenly too old or too young to know what you're talking about, too male or too female, too American or too European. Even your forum avatar affects how other people perceive and treat you, and which strategies they choose to invalidate your opinion in a debate. And if they can't peg you at all, they may think it best to ignore you. There is no escaping social class dynamics, not even on the internet.

oh yes! i feel i can explain things better, if i get nervous when talking to someone i can take my time to respond, i dont have to look at people and dont have to worry if im giving body language or wonder if theyre giving out body language. i dont have read facial expressions, i dont even need to be nice! i can do whatever i want on the internet

one thing that i really like, is this: i can make friends. they dont judge me based on what i wear, what i look like, how i act, or what i do, its all based on what i say on the internet, so i can get along a lot better.

I enjoy talking on here but I think I may have offended people with my opinions on depression (some types of depression, not all depressions are the same). I don't really understand why people want to hang on to a belief system where such a concept as worthlessness exists. I feel like its a hideous way to view any living critter and I am highly offended by the belief...the world would be a nicer place without such concepts and there would be much less prejudice and discrimination (if a life is believed to be worthless then it is not valued, if it is not valued by people they feel justified in mistreating that life. Remove the concept of worthlessness from socieites belief system (and it is just a belief it is NOT some great truth about life and existence. You can choose what beliefs to believe!) things would improve greatly in terms of how we treat other humans and how we are treated ourselves. Why so many want to hang on to such a concept when it causes so much hurt I don't understand. But each to their own. I am just very tired and no longer with to be exposed to such beliefs.

I only have one life and I don't want to waste it on believing in such offensive things (as worthlessness).

Anyway I like the style of communication here, it is easy to get along with.

PN I don't visit many other sites on a daily basis (except my blog). I don't get on on the internet any more than I get on with people in real life. Although I find it easier to express my thoughts in writing people find my opinions offensive (they really want to hang on to that worthless thing even though their life would be much nicer without it...if worthlessness does not exist because they don't believe in it, how can they be worthless..? They cant so it would in effect cure that aspect of their depression and help them feel better and the world would be a nicer place...but no one seems to want that for some reason. Anyway..). In person I tend to keep my mouth shut but then that makes me too quiet apparently.

I first noticed this when I was young and playing online games. It was a relief to find a social environment where all my real-life problems were suddenly not even part of the picture, I could come and go as I pleased, and at worst I would be pegged as just another strange person on the Internet (which, while not what I hoped for, wasn't the same as an outsider or someone to be avoided).

Unfortunately...

It is true that there is still quite a bit of judgment. It's just not so easy to pick out certain parts of me.

Another downside is that most people who talk to me online simply want something, so it doesn't provide me with much in the way of friendship or good discussion. It's not hard to detect, but it is a downer.

I agree with you on this, EzraS, and others in this thread have also made very good points as to the whys and wherefores of this phenonemon.

But I would also add that one of the causes of a (perceived) greater amount of equality on an online forum, might be that everyone who registered is looking for the same or similar things. Everyone is there for a similar reason, and to a certain extent and also depending on the forum's topic, everyone is more or less a kindred spirit. Knowing that you are among individuals who -while of widely varying age, nationality, etc.- share an interest, or a hobby, or certain viewpoints, helps take away barriers that would have to be crossed first in a non-topical offline encounter.

I must stress that I'm fully aware that there's also a lot of friction on message boards, and that it's not a bunch of folks sitting around the campfire singing songs, but in general, it could be said that when we go online, we are all distilled to the ideas that are inside our head. Online interaction is (or can be, I should say) a highly abstract experience. And for autistics such as we, that's also where the aspect comes in of not having to deal with all the non-verbal communication mentioned by ZombieBride: eye contact, gestures, stance, 'attitude', vibes, voice inflection, etc.

Yes. Sadly some people are trying to break the egalitarian nature of the web and turn it from a web structure to being centralized and controlled by a few. That's why I'm always involved with internet development and freedoms and stopping the ACTAs, PIPAs and TPPs when they rear their ugly heads. It's also easier to talk about anything when you know that you are anonymous and private. When you know that you are not you end up censoring yourself..

Yes, I've noticed the younger posters here seem very mature for their age. I was the same way as a kid – but I never really 'grew up', so I'm relatively immature as an adult. I basically feel like I've been a precocious 7-year-old my entire life.

Some people try to do non-verbal cues on the internet, but most people end up missing them. In that sense, we're all pretty equal.

Even things as basic as sarcasm don't work too terribly well for anybody on the internet, based as they are on inflection and tone of voice.



Speaking as a NT myself, you have to realize that these parents are often deathly afraid that their autistic child is going to grow up into an autistic adult. Obviously, this is really the only outcome that can happen, but as I'm sure we both have seen, the impulse for denial can be incredibly strong for parents, where the welfare of their children is involved. They don't want to talk to autistic adults about their children, because they don't want their autistic child being anything other than neurotypical.

The message autistic adults have to preach also isn't one that's generally very well-received by NT parents of autistic kids - namely, that the child will be autistic all their life, and that there is no hope for a "cure," because autism is inherently a part of the child's neurology. There are plenty of others out there, both interested in doing good work and simple money-grubbing, that will tell parents that autism can be "cured," "fixed," or "healed" - if you were a parent, trying to make your child just like everyone else, who would you want to listen to?

The correct answer isn't always the easiest answer to hear.

In real life I feel like I am on equal ground with other people, even though I have trouble with certain things, I know other people have their own problems too. Also even if people confuse me with their behavior, it is less confusing when I can SEE what is going on, vs. trying to just talk things out in words.

But online I feel like I am at a disadvantage because I tend to be sincere, whereas other people can hide a lot about themselves and be very insincere. A lot of people online try to present themselves as different than they really are, and they will act one way in a group and another way with you in private.

I disagree. I don't think I can choose what I believe.

http://abnormaldiversity.blogspot.ca/2012/07/is-belief-choice.html

Plus, there's different levels of 'belief'. On the intellectual level, I do not think anyone is worthless, but that doesn't stop the emotional level from insisting I'm worthless sometimes.

I think it depends on the community. Some parts of the internet are very destructive and have fairly nasty communities. I'm not even talking about extreme examples. It's a lot like the offline world in that respect.

I agree with you.