I'm very surprised. I think I may have AS

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I joined a few months ago and haven't been very active just lurking. So I discovered more about AS, found out people on the spectrum DO have empathy (I apologise, it was a false belief I was not entirely sure what the difference was between that and sociopaths. I always score high in the AQ. I have a 37 on the AQ quotient and on that neurotypical /Aspie test I got 173/200. Wasn't expecting that and answered as honestly as possible.

I initially joined because of my boyfriend. He's undiagnosed but all signs point to AS. He's as of 3 days ago no longer my boyfriend.
I did relate to him quite well when we weren't arguing. Really well. To the point where we were barely having sex and I like sex but I didn't mind! Even our arguing was quite novel for me as because I rarely pick up what's going on in the moment, I normally just keep quiet as I've been accused of overreacting in the past. Many times.
I need time to analyse my emotions and figure out what's going on so I can make a proper argument instead of looking like I'm throwing a tantrum and it can take a long while and by the time, I've analysed what's going on, weeks have passed and I just don't bring it up. When it's not too bad, only days pass.

And a lot of our arguments were because I barely heard from him. I've had quite a few incidences in the past when I was only made aware of someone's desire to not be with me any longer was when they disappeared and will not contact me. So I assumed he was trying to do similar and pretend he was AS. One of my exes claimed he had ADHD because I said I had it, turns out he was a very unpleasant person.

I'm quite bad myself at keeping in contact but not in a new relationship where I get along really well with someone and I'm still getting to know them. I need to learn their quirks so I can understand them a little better. I didn't understand why he was doing it and almost broke up a few times but at the end of the day, I really liked him and he appeared to like me so didn't see why I should break it off.

I have had people tell me that I don't pick relationships well. If someone is interested and willing to listen me, I'm generally okay with that. I can't seem to tell they have ulterior motives. I've been upset and surprised so many times.
Guys find me quite attractive. I only now realised it and I guess that's why they are willing to let me go on and on about stuff. So while I'm thinking yay, someone who wants to listen to my nerdy pursuits:nerdy: and is accepting of my quirks, they are not really.

It's easier for me to talk to guys in not very deep social environments because they allow me to talk not because they are interested but they want to have the sex I have gathered but it was superficial. So I'm starting to be careful.
Women are more difficult because they demand more social give and take but I understand them better. I'm not always interested in all they are doing, I don't care if they leave me alone with what I do care about, like read about Genghis Khan. And those who care, I drop very quickly. If push comes to shove, I can talk to my family.

My dad is a big feminist so maybe I picked up on that. I've never considered myself a tomboy, just myself. Others have called me a tomboy. In my family it's just based on what you are interested in and have always been accepting if I wanted to climb trees instead of dolls. They wouldn't have been bothered if it was the other way. I don't believe it's a bad thing if someone is interested in dolls rather than cars. I'm not but I don't care. It's just society insisting women's ways are bad, men's ways are better.

Men are a mystery to me and for me, most of them are superficial. It's true that it was the other way around before I grew breasts.

I'm 34 and people think I'm often much younger. I only started developing fully when I was 24, and got a narrower waist and cheekbones, I went up one boob size when I was 28, and 2 years ago, my hips got rounder.


Anyway, I'm diagnosed with ADHD, dyspraxia, anxiety, depression and plain awkwardness. My dyspraxia has never really bothered me too much. I fall and trip over invisible things but people in my social group seem to find it amusing. And after tripping my whole life, I have an impressive ability to pick myself and saunter off with my head high even if I fall and end up with exposed butt. True story. I was wearing a skirt and walking down a hill. (':drunken:')

The issues that bothered me about dyspraxia always were the social aspects. Though when you look at dyspraxia characteristics, they briefly discuss the social aspects and move onto someplace else.



So I compared the characteristics of dyspraxia and Aspergers (in women) and the Aspie one fitted me so much more better that I could recognise it. But I'm not that awkward socially! I can be diplomatic and don't just blurt out stuff, I'm probably more diplomatic than most NTs. Though that's mostly because I've learnt not to say anything at all.

I kept getting aha! moments . Like when I was worried that I was borderline because of my emotional issues. I can have what may be termed temper tantrums around family and close friends. I'm very close with my family and they've always accepted my 'Falconesequeisms'. Like when I go on and on and on, and on about stuff and on some more. When I get anxious and depressed the best way to cure that is to avoid people and go in hibernation for a few days. Though I'm always being bullied into being social. That makes it worse. I've been told by many therapists that my lack of socialisation was making me anxious, not true, it's the other way around.

We've travelled to many different countries because of my dad's job. ('-afro-')that keeps many families close. And I'm thinking that helped me. When you've gone to one place where black is white, and white is black in the other, you kind of disdain things a little. Though saying that, I'm always weird no matter which country I'm in. So the awkwardness is deep in the bone.
And also I think being in different cultures and me being awkward, it got me interested in why people do the things they do and studied it intensely. I was reading body language books when I was 10 to make head and tail of this business, and figure out what I was doing wrong. Even though they don't always accept me and disdain me, humans are interesting. And I had many a time in childhood pretending I was on an anthropological mission from my home planet.

So I sat and thought and thought all through Christmas, trying to show that I was NOT Asperger

1. Example, I'm not obsessed with animals.
Counterargument: I get along with them. Horses like me. I remember one work outing, we visited a farm. The horse avoided everyone except me. It was always dogs I have trouble with as I was jumped on quite a lot whilst young and freaked out. Also I think dogs pick up on their owner's vibes
. I'm now fine with dogs and they seem to like me. One of my exes had an abused greyhound, he ran away from everyone else except me, I think that's why my ex started dating me, he was so shocked. I think because I'm not in the animal's face and give them their space. I get close to individual animals.

I have a theory because it's of different cultures. Westerners really really like animals to the point where they would see people die and just be mildly upset but weep for days about animals. Don't get me wrong, I won't ever hurt an animal and get upset when people mistreat them. But I get really upset about dying children. I spent my formative years in non Western cultures.
I'm more of a baby person. They get entertained quite easily and they don't judge. As long as you smile, and give them something interesting to play with, they are quite ok. Also I don't have to figure out their faces mean. They smile, they are happy, they cry they are upset. And they have fun toys. And they think you are totally awesome.

2. Appearance
I wear nice clothes and look quite fashionable and cute. Counter argument: I only wear that stuff that is comfortable for me. I do have heels but rarely wear them. I have a few that look pretty but never worn them. I also learned that people treat you better when you look acceptable. I only started wearing nice clothes from 20 onwards and I was 28 till I learnt how to do makeup. I did spend a long time in puberty not touching dresses with a bargepole.

2a. I'm not bothered by tags.
Counterargument: I'm quite hyposensitive in my reactions to pain and touch. I can bump into things and not notice. My party trick is to drum my elbows on the table whilst everyone winces.
I don't really notice tags unless they are very prominent and heavy. I HATE belts though. I hate anything around my middle. Will not wear button down shirts, will not wear fashionable belts across my waist. I also hate anything around my neck. I do not wear turtle necks. urgh. I feel like choking. My belt phobia is so bad that my family called me buttcrack as my trousers will fall. My solution: wear lower trousers, get them fitted and wear black underwear that covers the buttcrack so if my trousers droop, it's only a hint of discreet black underwear. I only wear soft understated belts if I'm in danger of finding my trousers sliding off my hips. It stops you from walking properly. And really picky about wearing certain colours. Red bothers me.

3. I prefer interacting with different groups instead of one to one.
Counterargument: I rarely find someone I want to interact one to one with. When I do and they are interested in something I'm interested, there's no holding me back. When I don't, I prefer to flit from group to group, speak for a few minutes then escape. There's nothing that terrifies me more than having to be one on one with someone I don't really know and few interests. I will have to do small talk! Urgh. The rhetorical questions that lead you nowhere and confuse me.

Abstractly I know when a question is rhetorical. How do you do? But in the moment, this is what goes through my brain:
"what is this person saying? Why do they want to know?
It's one of those rhetorical thingamajigs, right, is it?
I don't know, don't ask me!
How am I? f**k if I know, I'm a little hungry.
Ok will tell them. Or maybe not. I don't know!!
Execute smiling program.
Which one?
Remember, I'm not supposed to do the grimace!
Which one is the grimace!
Oh blessed god, why????"

What comes out of my mouth is "umm...", and hopefully the non-grimace.

When you flit from groups, you can be superficial and use the same programs. The next group won't know you are using the same program. Much less effort. No need to worry about saying something wrong. Though problems arise when I use the same program for the same group. Then I start getting the funny looks. Crap! I can look for a place to hide.


3. Food. I eat a lot of stuff people find objectionable and won't eat perfectly normal stuff. I was raised outside Europe and then in the Mediterranean , a good octopus with garlic, salt and olive oil I find tasty. Snails yum.

Chocolate no, it stinks and feels funny. My sister says I'm really picky about my food. I thought I was being perfectly rational. It's perfectly rational to despise bananas. The sliminess. It's almost alive as you swallow it. *breathe*
Perhaps I'm not. I do have lots of issues with texture but not terrible though in the case of bananas, f**k bananas. I've gone into tantrums and sulks about the sliminess of my eggs. Most recently over Christmas. If eggs are not cooked well, they stink of egg and I gag.
What I have a great issue with is temperature. Too hot and it tastes totally different to me. I won't eat it. Smells I'm picky with. I'm sensitive to smells. I can smell food cooking and tell you what herbs and spices are in there. I won't be able to differentiate thyme and rosemary but same family. I obsessively wash plates because otherwise they still smell. And if egg was cooked in there, God help you.
I won't eat chocolate cause of the stench and taste. I actually hate most caffeine products. The only one I like is tea. Coke, yuk, Mountain Dew, excuse me while I hug myself, Red Bull, eurgh.

4. Touch.
Yea. I wouldn't hug for a very long time. What changed it was when I was sexually assaulted some years ago and I needed more comfort from trusted people. It did drop my hugging guard quite a bit. Though I will wriggle away after a while. I prefer if my family rubs my back. I'm able to hug in social situations, don't like it and will avoid it when I have a chance. It's different in intimate relationships. I do impulsively hug people though.
I still hate to greet socially by kissing. I've spent a long time since I was a child in the Med and still hate it. I've learnt a few tricks like if I arrive late, give everyone a friendly wave and quickly sit down.
Showing emotions.
I do show them and for a long time I didn't really cry due to social situations but yes, since the sexual assault, I cry more which I really really hate doing in front of people. The assault has kind of screwed things up emotionally.


This is getting really long. I'm still trying to prove I'm not Aspergers. I think I am, but I don't want to bias myself and be as honest as I can.

So what do you all think? Remember I'm ADHD as well and what I've gathered this can put a different slant to the Aspie mode. And how would Aspergers be different according to different cultural aspects? I know already it's different in women. I did have a time getting diagnosed for ADHD.

Many people here will identify with your problems, but it sounds like you need more clarity than that.

Seek a one-to-one assessment with a suitably qualified professional. I had considered that I had Asperger's a couple of years prior to my diagnosis, and I initially spoke about this with various people, one of whom was a very smart Aspie lady that I knew. The general consensus was that I wasn't autistic, so I stopped entertaining the idea until recently.

Welcome, anyway. I hope you find answers.

The only way to know is to seek professional diagnosis; I'm embarking on that journey myself.

It's also important, I think, to remember that Asperger's is part of autism and autism is a spectrum, meaning that there is a wide range of behaviors, symptoms, traits, challenges, issues, strengths that not everyone on the spectrum even necessarily shares each and every one of those things with everyone else. Thus, you do get Asperger people who dress smartly, or are fine with touch, or are more social than expected, just as you get those who are the opposite of those things -- and people who are all shades inbetween. That's what a spectrum is, all shades and graduations.

While there is an over-arching set of traits that make up a formal diagnosis, and everyone has to meet those, even those have components not all of which must be present in order to be given a positive diagnosis. So, just as traits you notice yourself having or not having don't necessarily mean you are on the spectrum, so too is it the case that traits you notice yourself having or not having don't necessarily mean you're not.

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Talking on and on and on without the other person taking part in the conversation is a symptom of Aspergers.

Well, you sound AS to me. But you'd have to see a professional to know for sure.

It sounds like AS, - and do see someone about that assault. It can have long-term consequences.

It's quite expensive to see a specialist for the sake of having him say you don't have something. If you're really convinced you don't have it, the best solution is to do as well as you can identifying which traits you display that don't fit the NT model, and do what you can to correct them; practise on other people or in front of the mirror, round out your social scripts so they're deeper, and get a friend to look them over to tell you if anything strikes them as abnormal. You might be on the broad autistic phenotype, which is, as the name suggests, a broad category that encompasses people who have a few AS traits here and there, but who don't have enough symptoms or enough severity to qualify for an autism diagnosis. A far more scientifically validated test for identifying autism symptoms than the AQ test is the Ritvo Aspergers Autism Diagnostic Scale Revised, or RAADS-R. You can find it online fairly easily, although technically it's supposed to be given by a specialist. It will at least give you a better idea of where you stand symptom-wise.

I'll be blunt. Fnord is a broken freaking record, an old fashioned term for someone who says that same thing over and over EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE KNOWS IT ALREADY. And by the way, I for one mentioned that only a formal diagnosis will get the OP a definitive answer. Fnord isn't the only one who is not freaking stupid.

tl;dr

If you do some more research online you will probably be able to figure out whether you have it or not. But if you want to know "officially" then you will need to go to an "expert" and get them to diagnose you.