Over Protective Religious Parents

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i was diagnosed with aspergers at age 14 im 29 now. my mom was always overly protective of me until she had a stroke several years ago during heart surgery and became disabled so i take care of her. anyways i have been dating a girl for about a year now who has some form of autism and her mom is a total religious whack job nut whos way overly protective the girl is 21 her mother wont let her see me. we have not seen eachother in 7 months and she comes here roughly once a month or every other month but the mom wont let her see me and its very difficult, we had had plans to move in together get married start a family but to me she just doesnt seem to have the drive to want to get out and be independent. eventhough she talks a big game and claims she will get this and that thing is she has been sheltered her whole life and has no skills about the world i was taken care of almost all my life but i became independent a few years ago and it really isnt all that hard.

anyways my question why are mothers such religious nut jobs ? and over protective to a point where you destroy your relationship with your own child and mess up their love life with their bf. i just dont understand and i have seen other people with special needs who have ended up having messed up lives i have a friend with aspergers whos 28 years old and he has a job doing construction drives a car but has zero social skills and his parents are f*****g idiots and morons they treat him like a baby and make him wear pajamas when he gets off home from work. I just think some parents of people who have aspergers are just ignorant as f**k and dont have a f*****g clue or idea as to what or why.

My mother tried to warn my future wife I was ret*d and was tricking her.

Beyond romance my parents would simultaneously yell at me to get a job and move out, but offer no help or assistance with that and would even try to sabotage me by telling employers or clients I was ret*d.

When I got far, far away from them I was finally able to become a independent adult.

EDIT: They felt a simultaneous need to make me be an independent adult, and felt I was going to be victimized or taken advantage of. It was a ridiculous situation.

mine were both strict christians for years-one is a catholic the other a CofE [church of england, protestant].
mum was so mind washed by it,she thought she was being punished by god by having a child that was 'posessed by the devil' her own words not mine.
have been resented entire life by them and some of their family because of their religeon and the fact am severely disabled by conditions they never understood the behaviors and difficulties of.
they are still religeous but not to that level anymore, but there has been many times where am browsing a forum-wrongplanet included and mum goes mental saying am looking at a satanist cult.

one of the lads that used to be on respite at the old residential home of mine was also severely autistic and he was a muslim, his parents also believed he was possessed by the devil due to them being punished for their sins and they used to send him in with water blessed by an imam,staff were expected to flick this at him.
the same parents dont mind comitting sins though as they were using his motability car for their own travel purposes and never took him out in it which is illegal.

My late father had a knack for finding something wrong with everything I did. My mother was (and still is) always giving me advice that usually didn't work.

It wasn't until I moved beyond their ability to casually drop in unannounced that I finally began to grow up.

Dad never seemed to appreciate the fact that I became successful on my own (without his help or support), and Mum still thinks that it was her advice that made it all happen.

Dad would tell me everything that he thought was wrong with the women I was involved with, while Mum kept trying to tell me what I "should" be doing to attract a better mate. This made my first wife very unhappy.

Neither of them ever introduced me to any of my girlfriends, and neither of them attended the wedding between my second wife and I. This made me happy.

Protective? I wish that they'd been protective!

Coming from a religious family, and being very religious myself, there are rules when pursuing a relationship. It is expected that the guy who wanted a relationship with me would ask my parents permission before it got very far (2 dates) to be vetted by them. There is no way my parents would approve a guy who would want to move in together before getting married. If you have not talked to her parents, do so now, and apologize for not having done so sooner, because you did not know.

As for life skills, she may not have out of the house life skills, but can she run a household and a budget? These are very valuable skills.

Does she share her parents religious views? If so, if you do not share those same views you are looking at a very difficult relationship, as she might be thinking that she is going to change and convert you (bad idea). If she does not, she still might have trouble breaking away from her parents, especially if she has been taught to respect and honor them.

Well, this is weird, I had religious parents as well. No alcohol or smoking in the house, TV was under strict supervision and if my father saw any nudity or heard blasphemy or swearing the TV went off for the night. Church all day on Sundays apart from a quick trip home for Sunday lunch.

I gave up taking girlfriends home after one girl I really liked was told that she was going "straight to hell" because she wasn't baptised, that really impressed her in so many ways

By 18 I was out of there.

no i am not religious i grew up being bible bashed by my mother so im anti religious im more agnostic athiest satanist i prefer upside down crosses. I really dont like religious people especially the ones who feel the need to preach and harass others and convert others and condemn everyone.


as far as with my girl she accepts me the way i am i dont give a good god damn about the parents they can go straight to hell my opinion is they need to get the f**k out of our way which they are not doing. this is honestly how you start stories like william freund and cho seung ho religion really starts chaos. shes never tried to convert me and we both agree she insists on being with me but she wont pull the effort forth by defying her c**t of a mother. and walking out the door. one of her friends ran away from home because her mother was also being an overprotective c**t. I just dont like the situation i spent a year with her. If i was with her id honestly take a butcher knife and end their miserable existences if they tried to stop me from getting out. there is a fine line between living a normal life and pushing someone over the edge with your religious garbage.

Have you tried talking to the mother? If nothing else, it will tell you exactly where you stand.

As much as i dislike religion and stuff, i dont think that necessarily plays a part, i mean some parents are just overprotective. I know my mother definitely is still. and im 30.

She still tries to tell me stuff, who and what i should see, and i should get some friends and stuff.

I mean i guess it doesnt help if you get a kid thats autistic and stuff, that the bond gets closer, even more so if say one of the parents died. I could easily see myself end up that way if i had a kid.

I guess its just hard for them to accept, that they are grown up adults, but also when to let go.

I know with my mom, i have had a few arguments, and its always very binary, its either she wants to help and give input on everything, or its well then do everything yourself. which ofcourse is stupid and silly, not to mention doesnt exactly help.

But in your case, its not really worth your time, i mean your not gonna change her mom, so there is basically 2 choices?, either she has to mature, and take the fights which is never fun, and say enough is enough god dammit. or you have to give up on her.