Social games...

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What are the social games that NT's play?

What classifies as a social game to you?

Social games? What is that?

I enjoy discussing philosophy with other philosophy students I know, or playing video games I like with others. Do you mean that?

Facebook seems like a social game to me – to which I don't know the rules, so I stay away from it!

Agreed! There is a lot of pretense there. Everyone is different than they are in real life.

"Games People Play" by Eric Berne describes social games that are both functional and dysfunctional.

Three of the most common Social Games I've seen played are:

"Ain't It Awful": Person overtly expresses distress, but it is covertly gratified at the prospect of the satisfaction they can wring from their misfortune.

"Blemish": Person seeks to find the blemish or weakness in themselves. It is used for negative reinforcement for inability to perform.

"Why Don't you ... ?" / "Yes, But ... !": Played out as a person presents a problem while others present solutions -- each beginning with "Why don’t you ... ?" followed by the objection, "Yes, but ...". The payoff is the silence or masked objection when the solution giver has exhausted their data bank of solutions. This gives the "Yes, but" player evidence that they have won by (falsely) demonstrating that it is the other person who is inadequate.

You often see these social games played out in The Haven; also in Love and Dating and most other forums related to personal issues. It isn't just NTs that play these games, it's Aspies, as well.

Causing drama as an excuse to start arguments with other people and make them look bad
Being nice to someone you hate so you look like the 'bigger person' (if you both already hate each other what's the point?)
Pretending to be helpless to make other people work for you

I am not sure myself as people often refer to not being able to understand social games but I realised the other day that mostly I don't know what these social games are so when people mention that humans play social games I am not always sure what they mean, or what all of these games are.

When I read internet articles about how people compete for a mate, I think of those things as social games. Am I close?

That sort of thing yes.

I don't compete for males, I figure if someone really likes me I won't have to compete for their attention. Maybe that is my mistake? I'd rather be liked more for my mind than my looks (not that I don't like to dress in an attractive way sometimes, I do on nights out to the theatre etc but confess to being a bit more practical in my clothing choices during the day...a bit too natural for most males who prefer the painted doll look)...that would be my second mistake and I like to be respected as a human being and not just as some kind of sex toy..that would be my third.

Explains why I am single

Not glamorous enough and not willing to compete for men. If I find someone I like I'd want to be with them but if they didn't want to be with me I am not going to get into a fight over them with another female.

But yes that sort of thing.

I read recently also that girls will besmirch another females character in order to compete for males. That is also the kind of thing I am think I am referring too. Silly stuff that society would work much more smoothly without.

http://clairelehmann.wordpress.com/2014 ... they-want/

This sort of thing I guess ^

Last edited by bumble on 12 Feb 2014, 3:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Also things like people trying to earn social kudos points so that they look trendy.

I don't really do things because they are trendy or for kudos points. I do them because I like them so I don't really care if my hobbies are socially popular hobbies or not as long as 1 I enjoy them and 2 they don't hurt anybody.

I don't understand why someone would be seen as 'sad' or as a 'loser' or as 'unlikable' because they have an interest that is not mainstream. Its silly...there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an interest that is not seen as trendy.

What a daft social rule that is. It's nonsensical.

facebook isnt defaultly bad,good,a social game or whatever...
its whatever people want it to be,we all interpret it very differently so theres no right or wrong.

in own case,being speech impaired it is a needed form of communication to speak to near and far family,support staff and the friends/fellow workers of the NHS/SS intelectual disability interview panel, wont have anyone else on it.
unfortunately some people take it as an offense when have said will not add them because only have a specific use for facebook.

am on a number of animal and disability related groups there and the majority of people on them are just straight out honest,only interested in expression,helping others and getting help.
dont be afraid of it.

I really dislike the one where people know they are good at a thing but then say they are rubbish at it and then sit and wait for you to compliment them. I appreciate - more than most - how self-image can be a problem, but with some it isn't that, they just want compliments. I have never really understood that as I get very embarrassed when I am praised or complimented.

It's a complete maze sometimes!

What if they're actually trying to be modest because they don't want to be a braggart? And they could be good, but maybe they also know of lots of people who are way better.

I hate gossipers. Nasty stuff

Fnord - thanks for mentioning Bernes.

I got a lot from his work and frequently draw upon it. I sometimes snicker to myself on how often I read forum games of "Why Don't You... Yes But"

I may be mistaken but I think I recall that he is credit with coining the phrase "social games".

I also got a lot out of his book "I'm Ok, You're Ok".