New to all this: Desperately need some advice.

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Hi everyone!! My name is Sharon. I am a 44 year old mom of one adult girl and a new grandma! I live in the state of NJ. I am here tonight seeking some advice and maybe some information. I LOVE to research topics! Especially if it happens to be something I am very interested in or passionate about. For some reason, I am not finding much info on adults being on the spectrum. A little bit, but not too much. I did a few online screening tests which gave me high probability scores for Aspergers.

Being female, adult, and not having a diagnosis from childhood has proved more than challenging for me to find the information I need. I want to share with you some "red flags" that I have began to question. Maybe someone will read this and be able to give me their opinion on if it seems likely enough for it to be on the spectrum and worth pursuing a possible diagnosis.

So here we go in no particular order:

I suffer from extreme anxiety and bouts of depression.
I was given the diagnosis of bipolar even though from all that I have read, i do not meet the criteria.
I never learned to drive, never obtained my license. I was too fearful to ever want to drive.
Since i was little I would often engage in a rocking behavior. It isn't always to soothe. Sometimes if I am engrossed in a show on TV for example, I will notice my rocking starts up.
When someone cries, I panic. Especially if the person is close to me. In fact, the closer the person is to me the more feelings of "what should I do?" comes into play. I am not a great person to comfort others.
When kissing hello and goodbye.. I never kiss first and when I do, I extend my cheek to someone. I do not like to kiss a person. My family used to joke about this often... and imitate the way I offer my cheek so that they can kiss me.
I have had phobias since a young age.
I am extremely knowledgeable with a keen interest in very few things.. and I LOVE to talk about them to anyone that will listen. When I find an interest in something, I research every single piece of info that I can about it. I almost become a bit obsessed over a topic or hobby etc IF I am that into it.
I get very bored easily if it is something I am not into. A conversation, a tv show or movie etc.
I have been told many times what a great writer I am. I love writing. Speaking engagements--not so much.
I am shy and hate public speaking.
I make very little eye contact. I catch myself at times, a person sitting right next to me. Could even be my mother, someone close to me that I know really well, I will be talking away but looking somewhere else, not at the person. This happens A LOT.
I love animals more than people. I am a huge animal lover to a fault. I cry over road kill. No exaggeration there.
I cannot watch overly violent or gory movies. I cover my eyes and a 2 hour movie is more like me watching only 15 mins of it because i had to cover my eyes through it all.
I care DEEPLY about the homeless, the needy etc. I would give the shirt off my back as they say to another person at anytime. I go out of my way and sometimes out of my means to help others.
I am pursuing my bachelors degree and then hopefully onto my Master's degree .. having trouble actually finishing it. I am only 6 credits away from my bachelors.
I love music!! ! But the thing is.. I only seem to like songs that I have memorized. The 80's music is great to me because I had decades to learn all the songs. They remind me of me growing up and the repetition of the songs, stuck in my head. I am always being told to expand my music selection. But I will play the same songs every day. Drives my boyfriend nuts!!
I have OCD .. I make lists and if I make a mistake, I start all over. I have intrusive thoughts that come along with OCD in some people. Fear of doom and gloom. Constant worry. I have to chose the second bottle of soda for example, never the first one of the shelf. Nothing can be first because in my mind it is very uncomfortable to do that, causes anxiety.
I clear my throat a lot to the point where it is noticed by anyone around me. Allergies possible. But I wanted to mention it here too.
I can recall song lyrics (as mentioned above) and also phone numbers. Even if it is a number that I only called once before 5 years ago. I will somehow remember it.
I have a thing with numbers.. not all numbers. My numbers are: 5757 and 1111. They have significance to me and I see them everywhere.
I cry sometimes for no reason.
I throw a fit at times when I dont get my way
My boyfriend is 24. We have been together since he 18. I always got along better with younger people, never my own age or older. I tend to be more immature, my bf believe it or not even at 18 was mature and an "old soul".. we balance each other out.
I tend to repeat myself a lot and talk about topics that I know a lot about. I don't have much to say unless it is something that I am passionate about.
I tend to bring the subject and conversation back to me
I have trouble letting things go. I cry over losses I had 15 years ago as if it happened today. Whether it was a death or end of friendship, it is always such an over the top sadness I feel. I am aware of it, but can't help feeling the way I do about it.
I wake up miserable. Day didn't even start and I am moody.
My bf has trouble reading my expressions. We will be watching TV or on our way to the store and he will say "why are you mad?" and I tell him I am not mad. But he thinks I am because of my expression.
When I want to do something or go somewhere ..I want to do it NOW! .. I hate waiting.

I think that I kind of gave you guys a decent amount of quirks about me that can hopefully shed some like on whether or not it seems likely or not. I have plenty more to share but did not want to overwhelm you with my first post. Please help me if you can. Thanks ...

You will need to see a psychologist who deals with Autistic spectrum disorders in order to get a proper diagnosis. Beware of self-diagnosis, people who are not professional in the field are notoriously clumsy when it comes to self-diagnosis; this may be a joint issue with anxiety and depression but do not feel afraid to seek advice from a doctor. I have been to a doctor about similar issues, and it has helped greatly.
Best of luck mate.

Sorry to say that no one, including a psychologist, could make any kind of diagnosis worth
beans based on what you posted. Not that it is not well written and detailed, but it could mean
aspergers, or something else, or aspergers plus something else etc.
I mean if my parents diagnosed me with autism themselves, it would not have helped me much.
What helped me were psychologists and therapists and the like.

I agree, your list of "quirks" is inconclusive. Did you do any of the online tests screening for Asperger's in adults? Usually, you'll get a score and if it's high enough it will recommend that you go see a professional about a potential diagnosis.

I would beg to differ with that, I think if you've looked over the diagnostic criteria point by point and feel strongly that it's a very accurate description of yourself, then there's a good possibility that you might be right. No one knows your own life experiences better than you do.

However, if you do seek official diagnosis, I would strongly recommend that you be very careful to seek out a Psychologist* with experience in dealing with AUTISTIC ADULTS. The symptoms and behaviors of High Functioning Autism present quite differently in adults (who've had years to mask it with coping mechanisms) than they do in kids, and professionals who are used to diagnosing children may fail to catch AS/HFA in grownups.



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*You're more likely to get an unbiased evaluation from a Psychologist, as they are not licensed to prescribe medication. A Psychiatrist is more likely to treat you with their prescription pad and there are no medications effective for autism, so they tend to look for a diagnosis they can medicate.

I recommend that you have a read of some blogs written by female adults on the spectrum to get a good in depth understanding of the real life experiences and see if you relate. Off the top of my head the 'Musings of an aspie' blog would be a great start. She goes through it all very thoroughly and also has a blog section and book called ''I think I might be autistic' which begins from around where you are at.

Musings of an aspie is a great blog.

I actually read more of people who struggle more to communicate in more conventional means, but I really like some of what was posted on musings of an aspie.

Thanks everyone for all the replies. It has truly helped me a great deal. Whether it was something I wanted to hear or not, I appreciate everyone's advice just the same. That is what this forum is all about afterall. Giving and taking advice and sharing experiences.

I did happen to take a few online screening tests over the last two days or so as well as reading about female adult aspergers.. My scoring has been high suggesting that I have good reason to seek further help. I tried to answer to the best of my knowledge and I asked those closest to me for their opinions on if i do indeed do some of the behaviors mentioned.

I had a real eyeopener today in a talk with my mother. She told me things that I did not recall from my childhood. I was unsure as to whether or not I had imaginary friends ..she confirmed that I had 4 different "friends" when I was younger. She also confirmed that I couldn't make friends in grade school and suffered from insomnia since BEFORE pre-K. I was always a night owl.

My avoidance of eye contact and my rocking motions were also discussed. It is something that she is unfamiliar with. She verifies what I already know, that I DID (and still do) these things, but I think she is more in denial of the possibility of Aspergers than I am.

Can anyone share any helpful links as far as online screening, or female aspergers information?

If you see a GP, ask them for further information where you can get a proper diagnosis.

could web search autism or aspergers test, quiz etc.

Based on my personal experiences of being misdiagnosed for many years, I whole-heartedly agree with Willard on this.

Also on my personal preference for at least starting with a psychologist.