Swallowing your innate "pride"

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I think I have figured out what the true problem is.

Having an AS-brain, what motivates me is my survival and the survival of those I care about. I do not consider anyone to be above or below me, everyone has as much a right to survive. This puts the individual in focus.

That is not how NTs look at it. For them, the group is in focus. What matters is the survival of the group as a whole. This necessitates that people are not equal, in the sense that it is more important that high-ranking members survive than low-ranking members, because that is what serves the survival of the group the most.


So in order to act/become "normal" I have to swallow my innate "pride" that I have as much a right to survive as everybody else does. How much of a right I have to survive is to be determined by the group.

It seems to be impossible for me to properly swallow this pride to become truly social. The only way it is possible for me is if I let myself regress into a "childish mode", where I need someone to take care of me. That is obviously not constructive.


How does one come about this problem of swallowing one's innate "pride" that noone has more of a right to survive than you do, be that your boss or the president?

The issue is I have no real respect for power the way NTs have it.

That's a very astute observation indeed. Thank you for this post. This is why solidarity between Aspies is important - to counteract the dominant NT view of the world that "How much of a right I have to survive is to be determined by the group."

I think the reason why NTs often get defensive and want to claim Aspergers is fake is because of this: If it is accepted that we are persons who are neurologically wired differently, it (a) implies that NTs may have something to learn from us; and (b) culturally de-legitimizes the survival-of-the-fittest elimination process you described.

When an NT claims "Aspergers is fake", that NT is really getting upset because now he/she can't socially "eliminate" us without feeling like he/she is being an as*hole to someone who is "different". "Different" is culturally protected (in the sense that discrimination based on race, gender, disability, etc is forbidden and recognised as assholery), but as yet nobody thinks twice about eliminating or ostracizing people who are simply viewed as "socially less fit".

NTs want to be completely free to "eliminate" socially awkward people without feeling guilty about it. Saying that we have Aspergers makes them feel guilty about it. So that's why NTs want to pretend Aspergers doesn't exist, or want to play down the difficulties we have. Ironically, I often feel like NTs have their own type of "autism" in relation to us, in that they're simply unable to imagine that other people (AS folks) may be thinking/feeling differently from themselves.

I'm not entirely sure how you can claim that a neurotypical individual is different in those respects. Anyone is capable of having the same motivations that you do. They aren't caused by your Asperger's neurology, they are caused by your personality. I can guarantee that most neurotypical individuals are motivated by the survival of themselves and everyone they care about in the very same way that you are.

In a social context, then perhaps the group is in focus. There are social hierarchies but they don't dictate overall human inequality, they only add structure to the group. Someone may be more popular than another person, or more intelligent than another and thus more liked.. that's life, and it isn't limited to neurotypical individuals. Strictly in terms of having the right to survive, that is in no way related to this type of equality that I believe you're referencing. To me it sounds like you're meshing the days of cavemen or some wild wars with current scenarios, and it just doesn't work - people don't die for the group unless it's necessary.

Last edited by Norny on 21 Feb 2014, 10:08 am, edited 2 times in total.

I don't agree with the notion I have less of a right to survive than others, not sure its healthy to take on a veiw that autistic people somehow have less of a right to survive in an attempt to be 'social'. Also though it would seem a lot of NT's but of course this is not limited to NT's are more self serving and don't really care so much about the 'group' they care about their status within it....rather than the best interest of the whole group. Of course I cannot claim all NTs think that way as that would likely be an inaccurate generalization, just like its an inaccurate generalization to say aspies are always truthful.

I've been told to "swallow my pride" many times in the past. I don't see why I should jettison core parts of my identity in order to appease neurotypical bigots who will reject me anyway.

I am willing to compromise with neurotypicals and meet them half-way, but it takes two to make a compromise, and neurotypicals rarely play their part. Until they do, then I will hold on to my pride.

I just fake it. I know when to keep my mouth shut and go through the motions. I will never feel it though. I will never be comfortable dominating another person and I will never allow another person to dominate me. I see no solution to the problem other than accepting that is it part of your personality.

Fame or power dont mean much to me. i always think about everyone just being human and that puts everyone on a level playing field. I have only ever treated everyone as equal to me (sometimes this is an issue, usually it is not).

my observations are not that NT's would put the group in focus. rather they'd focus on themselves, usually comparing themselves to others and dragging others down to elevate their own status in a group.

Wow. Re-reading that I seem like another bitter person here, but really it is just an observation and i dont feel anything about it. (i just choose not to participate).