So, I've always considered myself to be ADHD, but found out what AS was about a month ago, and it seems to fill a lot of gaps that ADHD doesn't quite cover.
I know for sure that my brain is wired in a way that differs greatly from what most would consider "normal." I'm ambidextrous, I had strabismus (got the surgery to realign my eye), and have amblyopia and a lot of trouble with depth perception as well as certain spatial issues, like telling left from right most of the time (I rely heavily upon the fact that my left hand makes an "L" with the thumb and index finger extended.)
I have lots of ADHD typical traits:
-I have trouble staying attentive
-I can go into hyperfocus with certain tasks
-I can be rather impulsive at times, often making statements on a whim and without much thought (perhaps this could also be me confusing it with the AS typical bluntness, now that I think about it)
-I have an awful time with remembering things heard in conversation
That's what I can think of right now as far as ADHD traits go.
As for AS typical things, after looking into the symptoms and peculiarities of it:
-I have sarcasm go right over my head all the time, I'm extremely prone to take things literally and have a habit of replying to people's attempts at humour with seriousness unknowingly
-I have a hard time feeling what others feel, for instance, I don't typically feel sad when my friends are sad or feel genuinely happy for them when they achieve things, though I do sympathise with people, but have a hard time really tuning into their emotions. I have my emotions, and they can be affected by the status of other people and even animals, but I seldom relate on a level that could be appropriately labelled sharing emotions, I simply understand
-I consciously process body language, and where it's common for most Aspies to avoid eye contact, I have a tendency to force it. It's not as much instinctive as it is a conscious habit for me to at least appear more engaged. It came as a surprise to me that most people don't have to think about body language to comprehend it, where I have to put thought into what it might mean and I'm always thinking about how to place my body
-I usually either don't get or don't find humour in what most people find funny. I have a sense of humour, but it's very particular and I don't know how to describe it adequately
-I love information. I know it's not uncommon for a typical person to thrive on knowledge, but I find myself researching video games, animals, psychology, and science extensively and often pull any conversation I'm in towards those topics without meaning to. I like to know the developers of games I play, trivial knowledge about them, voice actors, and directors, as for animals, I have to know the names and species, what family it's in, and it's life span. And I'm just fascinated by psychology, particularly my own, and I'm very much into science (I love calculating the details of ridiculous hypothetical situations)
-I tend to go on and on about these subjects, often to the point where I don't leave room for the other person to talk, and I often don't realise that they likely don't care about what I'm saying until I've fired off countless random facts or other knowledge
-I'm awful at conversations with groups, as I don't know how to get a turn when talking or maintain the attention of the group or how to conduct myself in a way that puts me in the conversation, I always feel as though I'm missing something
-I didn't learn how to ride a bike until sixth grade, and couldn't tie my shoes until about fifth
-up until middle school, I refused to wear anything but the same style shirt in varying colours and the same type of pants. Though I for the most part eased out of it, my wardrobe consists primarily of a collection of very similar clothing, and lots of clothing that I've had for years
-I used to be kind of monotone when I was younger, and kind of mumbled if that's of any significance.
As far as other miscellaneous things go, I have and OCD about death (more of an internal OCD, I can't help but ponder the life spans of people and animals and plants and everything. I often consider the order in which people might die and have to know the life spans of animals I research, I think about the life spans of pets and wonder how long they may live, but I remain a bit stoic about death, though the death of family is certainly sad and the death of cute animals is a bit disturbing, I find it stimulates my emotions a lot less than most people. I can't bear the thought of killing, though, it would upset me to harm another creature needlessly)
I'm also a bit of an insomniac, and I experience hallucinations much akin to sleep paralysis often when I do rest.
Also, I deal with depression, which tends to go kind of up and down.
I know this post is a bit lengthy, but it's my first attempt to summarise what I experience.
Finding out my cousin has Asperger's and talking to her about it got me on the topic, and after that, my research led me to believe that I may have it as well. I can't quite place it myself, so I decide to turn to the community.
What do y'all think of my condition given the information in this post?
24 Feb 2014, 9:29 pm
