Aspie Breakup

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Hello, I'm having a lot of issues right now emotionally. My boyfriend who asked me out almost 2 years ago just dumped me a few days ago because we got into a fight. Well, let me back up first. We never actually went on dates because I didn't like to bring him up with my parents often as they didn't like him though we did do a lot in school. He and I made made out in school and cuddled next to each other in school. He used to massage my neck which I loved btw and we even went to a high school foot ball game for Thanksgiving together. But the problem is he thinks I look and act younger than I am which I already know because of my Asperger's. He supposedly has this disorder as well but I accused him of lying about it. Saying that if he really had it he'd understand. He swore at me and we didn't talk again. I apologized several times for what I had said as I didn't really believe it. I really loved him and still do for that matter.

I wasn't sure how to deal with the problem or make up for what I had done since my apologies weren't enough. So, feeling down in the dumps and truly sorry I drank small amounts of cleaning products and other medicine cabinet chemicals. I stopped now, I don't do it anymore. I went to my therapist and told her and she told me that that wasn't going to win him back. I still wonder why. I didn't/don't understand it. The way I saw it was that if I drank that stuff he'd know how sorry I am putting my self at risk and then forgive me for what I said. My therapist informed me that that was never going to work. She said that if I do that it's only making him run off even further and get creeped out. She also said that it is a lot on his shoulders to guilt him into coming back to me which for me is like whatever I have a lot on my shoulders right now because of him and just everyday life but that's another story. His last words to me were "Listen you screwed up and not all relationships work so grow up and move on." I forgot to mention that since we now go to different school given that I am in college and he's still a senior in high school we did most of our talking on facebook.

After my therapy appointment I went to bed really early because I was exhausted and I had a wicked headache. I mean I lied down and my head felt like my pillow was a boulder crushing it and it took me awhile to fall asleep. The headache also woke me up around midnight for awhile. I thought it'd never subside but it finally did the next day. This wasn't because of the chemicals though I know for sure because this was a day after I'd stopped drinking them. The headache could have been brought on by fatigue, extreme emotional stress, or the fact that I didn't have time to eat or dink all day because I was so busy.

Even though the headache was bad that night the emotional pain I'm in now and was in is far worse. My friends tell me I need to get over him right away and I keep telling them it isn't that simple. You can't just turn love on and off like a light switch. Plus, this was my first serious relationship and with the Asperger's it's hard for me to form strong emotional bonds in that way. I mean I have A TON of friends that I talk to and can trust but this one was the only person I felt comfortable hugging and kissing. The only one I felt comfortable talking about ANYTHING with. The only person I would let massage my neck and hold me.

Has anyone else ever been in my situation or a similar situation? What can I do so the pain subsides? How do I move on with my life knowing that I may never speak to him in a positive manner? His parents run children's games at my church carnival and last year I volunteered. I would love to volunteer again this year but I'm afraid it will be awkward. What will his parents think of me? What will he think of me? What if he ignores me or treats me like crap? Suppose he forgives me at any time and wants to get back together with me? All of these things have been on my mind since. It's been an extremely bumpy 2 years with us but I love him despite the fact that he doesn't love me. I'm reaching out to this community for support. Thanks.

I am sorry to hear that you are in such pain. I feel this way every time I get close to somebody and the relationship ends. The only thing that works for me is time and no contact. No contact is important because continued unwanted contact only drives the other person further away.

I also do a lot of journaling and talking about my feelings during the first few days or weeks. Then the emotions seem to die down some.

I hate grief. It is the most horrible emotion me, the hardest one for me to deal with.

You were with him for two years, as you say. Two years is a long time, especially if you guys were in high school. You're absolutely right that it isn't that simple to just "get over him" as your friends say. But, they are right too. You DO need to get over him. Allow yourself time to mourn, (but don't do it at the expense of your health) and pursue your own interests, discover something new and begin to take your mind off of him.

I dated someone in high school and college; we were together for almost 6 years. We broke up and I was a mess. I know it's hard, but you really do need to get over him. Accept that a break up is just that: broken, cannot be fixed. Focus on the things about him you didn't like and find things to occupy your time that are more productive.

Good luck to you.

I also had a high-school crush long ago that I couldn't get over (took me 5-10 years to do so). If I could change something about this I wouldn't want to try to see her in a bad way. I do appreciate the memory of all the good attachments I once had that eventually ended. What I would change would be the feeling of exclusiveness that prevented me from getting interested in others. I think you can work with that without a need to think about how horrible your ex was (unless he/she really was horrible).

Thanks for the help so far guys I really appreciate the support. We haven't really had too many bad memories together. I guess you guys are right this will just take time to overcome. I also forgot to mention that he is occasionally in my dreams. Again, please feel free to continue posting.