On the fence about AS

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I still can't tell if I have Asperger's or not. (I'm 14 yo) Sometimes, I see things and i'm like "I DEFINITELY have AS", and other times I don't think so. I'm still wondering because I don't know whether I should have an analysis done.

What makes me think I have AS:

-Extreme interests which occupy almost all of my free time, right now it is meteorology and planes, and I used to have an interest in deodorant bottles, bottle caps, lego figures, and grade crossings as a kid. Loved to switch on and off light switches when I was little. Often disregard spending time with others to focus on my interests. I have a hard time doing things that i'm not interested in. Days at school, all I think about is my interests, and daydream about my imaginary world. It's very complex, and consists of citizens, a government, and more.

-Cannot keep a conversation going, and do not know how to start a conversation properly with anyone other than my parents.

-I can make eye contact somewhat with close family members, but in general little eye contact.

-I crave pressure and place things on my arm or leg because it feels good. I dislike loud noises and get overstimulated especially on busy roads or crowded places. When I'm tired they get a lot worse, and sometimes the sun can be too bright and I need to wear sunglasses. Also, I almost threw up today because the smell of baby food while I was eating, combined with the loudness of the restaurant.

-Very introverted, always have preferred to be by myself. My parents forced me to socialize so I had friends, but I my heart would sink every time they came over. Sometimes I would hide when they came over (Still do).

-I think objects have feelings and get attached to them. I have to apologize to a t-shirt if I changed my mind about wearing it.

-Have unusual repetative behaviors, aka stims, such as looking at my nose, knee bobbing, animal/strange sounds. I Also have times where I go crazy and do very unusual behaviors and just go nuts and make noises and jump around. I also flap my arms and twist my hands. I sometimes walk on my toes, especially when walking up the stairs.

-Very limited food choices, only eat about 4 things from specific restaurants.

-Alexithymia, slight Synesthesia I think (Sometimes I can smell photos) , and maybe slight facial blindness. (Sometimes I forgot my mom's face, but not completely, just a little bit. Might be normal)

-Very very anxious all the time. Social anxiety and general anxiety.

-Have severe pure-o OCD ; and I suspect myself of having ADHD. I'm an extreme perfectionist.

-Very poor hygiene, and I dress for comfort, such as basketball shorts and t-shirts.

-I have some problems making facial expressions, and I cannot for the life of me follow verbal instruction. I must have a vivid picture or visual instruction for me to understand it fully. People have pointed out that I'm staring at nothing while in class, and asked "what are you doing??".

-Have vivid imaginary worlds in my head, which I escape to often.

-Have tics, such as rolling my eyes upward, staring at my nose..

-Very quiet during school, never raised my hand and was solitary. I had 1 or 2 good friends which I spent time with.

-My little cousin pointed out to me that i wobble when I walk.

-Cannot watch tv with background noise.

-Had an unhealthy obsession with cats in 5th grade LOL, along with my friend which I suspect is an aspie as well.

-Obsessed with maps

-I hate the smooth texture of a bathtub or toilet seat.

-For some reason, some loud noises don't bother me at all, and some set me off and overwhelm me.

-Sensitive to Florida heat and humidity.

-Hated camera flashes when i was little, I don't mind it now. I would have extreme anxiety (still do, not nearly as much) at school pictures, because of the flash.

-Would watch the same tv show episode, and one music album for years when i was little.

-170/200 on aspie quiz.

-I lose a ton of sleep and have very odd sleeping hours because of how much time i spend with my interests.

-I wear the same sweatshirt every day at school, all day. No matter how hot or cold. Since the 6th grade. (New sweatshirt every year)

-I have trouble with imagination. When I imagine things, they are based off of reality. For example, when I played cars with my cousin, my cousin wanted to make the cars talk, and go out on dates, and have jobs. I find that silly, and I just played traffic, just like how it would in reality. i love non-fiction everything. Science documentaries, prison/criminal documentaries.. etc. I can't watch superhero movies because I find them silly and pointless.


What makes me think I don't have AS

-I can usually understand sarcasm, although sometimes when I'm with some unfamiliar, I'm so focused on other things that sarcasm passes right by me and I take it literally.

-Pretty well coordinated, in some aspects. Learned to ride a bike rather quickly, but didn't learn to tie shoes until 8th grade. Still can't keep them tied. I hold pencils with too much pressure and it hurts my hand. Trouble with little things such as shirt buttons, but besides that I'm generally coordinated, and exceptionally good at basketball (I hate team sports,). I'm also naturally very good at soccer. Are all aspies somewhat uncoordinated?

-I don't mind light touch at all. I don't necessarily like when people touch me surprisingly, but I don't hate it either. I actually rub my fingers lightly across my leg and arm, maybe thats a stim.

-I don't say whatever is on my mind. I think i'm too socially anxious and I carefully analyze what I'm about to say. Once every few months, I'll say something without thinking. Such as one time, I said "You can just get me money for my birthday", when they weren't planning on getting anything for me at all. Following by my mom scolding me for saying that.

-I think I can understand social cues and facial expressions. I was observing adults talking at dinner, and while I was observing there conversation, I could tell one of them was getting bored and was ready to go. On the reading the mind in the eyes test, i got 25.

-I don't talk about my special interests a lot. Only with my mom. I talked about the weather a whole 2 hour drive with my mom and didn't realize how long I have been talking about it. I never talk about my interests obsessively with friends or my dad though.

-No meltdowns. The only recent meltdown was due to anxiety, it was like a temper tantrum. But I don't have that much.


Thanks for reading. So WP, what do you think? Am I just quirky, socially anxious and awkward NT? Is it worth even going to for an analysis? The thing is, I think i'm fine at reading people, which isn't that the main problem of aspies? I don't know, still trying to learn about AS myself.

A meltdown is kind of like a temper tantrum or at least can appear that way to other people, and my meltdowns tend to be caused my overstimulation sensory but also anxiety.

Not every person dealing with autism shows all the symptoms or shows them in a textbook way.

I did notice one thing.

Meltdowns.

First you say you just don't have them, then make it sound like something else is true.

I'd say you've said enough in the first section to warrant talking with someone. The contradictory approach to meltdowns (you say "only due to anxiety"...well, what do you think triggers them in other people?!?), supposedly proof you aren't on the autistic spectrum, strikes me as suggesting otherwise.

Again, you should talk to someone.

We can't diagnose you, but you asked our advice. I say there's enough going on for you to bring this up. Be honest and open with the person you talk to, make your case, say what you've said here, and see what they say.

Is there a counselor at your school you can talk with? How about your parents? They should be involved in this too, naturally.

This "quiz" wouldn't still be up after all these years if it wasn't a good diagnostic tool. Authorities, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, they all have an ax to grind, a profession to maintain... bills to pay. Once you get involved with them it goes on for your entire life. Usually they end up giving you drugs to make you feel better. Then, after you are taking "meds" you visit the "doctors" routinely (FOREVER), and talk about how you are feeling.

Ok thanks guys. Is mimicking facial expressions a trait? I copy my "friends" facial expressions a lot because I don't really know how to do them.