Peer pressure

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If someone at your job got heavily picked at/bullied by his coworkers, and you could feel they expected you to join them, would you:

1. Start picking too, to get your peers' accept.

2. Stand up for the guy, risking getting picked at too.

?


(It seems like you have to, on a constant basis, choose number one if you want to keep your job).

2.

Am kinda doing that for a friend on one of my other discussion forums right now,
even if it means getting banned (which is unlikely, but still).

Number 2. I know in school I was the ONLY person who felt that way. Luckily never had to deal with that on a job and am quick to defend others before they get picked on.

I remember when I was at college all the girls were picking on a boy with learning difficulties, because he dressed very feminine, had a lisp, and thought he loved every girl and told them so, and they all got freaked out and annoyed, making him lose his dignity. He sat alone on a table in the canteen, and we all were sitting around another table (the other boys in the group were nowhere to be seen, probably playing football somewhere). There was a few nasty, bitchy girls in the group that were still immature, and they kept shouting across the canteen at the boy and laughing at him and singing silly songs about him, all that kind of stuff. There was about 12 of us around the table, and I stayed with them because I felt accepted for the first time in my life. I felt really bad though, and didn't join in the taunting. I just sat there with them. I must admit, this boy did go a bit far with the love lark, and even though people have kindly said ''we are not interested'', he still kept on trying to touch us and trying to force us to date him, so that caused the teenage girls to verbally attack and get a kick out of it.

I think now at work I wouldn't want to see someone being bullied, and would want to make the person being bullied feel that someone likes him or her. But at my work everybody's at all different ages (some in their teens, some in their 20s, some in their 50s, some in their 60s, and so on), and so I pretty much doubt they are going to all pick on one person just because they're different and start picking on me just because I like that person - unless that person was a very horrible person who deliberately upset everyone and deserved to be ignored and sorted out. But we have had a really nice boy came to work there who was on the spectrum, and the majority of people didn't seem to like him because he was slow and lacked common sense and they seemed to have a problem with that. I know I'm on the spectrum but I am not slow and don't lack common sense. But I showed that I liked this boy, and he has left now because he sensed that the others didn't like him, and I still visit him in the place where he volunteers, just for a chat. The others at work knew I was fond of him but didn't turn against me for it.

The only times I have ever been in that situation wasn't at work, or in real life, but on an on-line forum for Aspies, not WP. I chose option 2, on a number of occasions, and I then also became a target for bullying.

What bothers me so much is that you are supposed to choose option number 1 in order to improve your social skills and thereby life opportunities. I feel like you should become more evil to gain social skills.

Might be sh***y, but after lots of experiences I´d choose the non-mentioned Option three.

Option 2 is the right thing to do, but in the end, according to the experiences I have made, it will have no benefiting effect for the bully-victim at all, and only lead to us both being bullied. Being supported by the "disabled weird woman in company" only makes it worse for the bully-victim in my experience. I´d try to comfort the person, when being alone with her/him, might try to excuse some of her actions, if bullies force me into chitchat, but "standing up and fight for the right" simply brings nothing.

Option 1, joining in with the bullies, is the right thing to do from an logical view, but for doing so my skills in "being an pragmatic as*hole" are not sufficient.

3) Which leads me to the non-mentioned option three, trying to find excuses to get away if bullies try to involve me into bad chitchat behind the victims back, trying to comfort the victim when being in privacy, and if bully chitchat is forced on me, trying to find moderate excuses for the bully-victim, but without actually confronting the bullies themselve.

I know its sh***y, but from my experiences: The moment I get involved into any of that social stuff and rivalizing groupstuff, I loose = in the end loosing my job. And then it will again last a long time, until I finally find a job again, that I can do. So I am sorry for the bully victim, but I simply wont risc loosing my job again, and then need years to find another one fitting again, with tons of other jobs between that will simply be an try and error, and tons of employers or coworkers showing me again how sh***y I am, because of my treats.

Ignore it. I would get picked on too if I went with number two. I am with schneekugel, the third option. It takes bravery to do number two and being a martyr.

in similar [non job] situations have always stuck up for others being bullied-online and offline, have got no social or peer pressure awareness whatsoever so will always defend what is right and am not interested in getting anything out of it.

It would be like selling my soul to the devil but I would have to agree on option 3 by Schneekugel. Sometime you may be put between a rock and a hard place and have to make a tough choice.

I've gone with option 2 before at work and it worked out OK for me. Someone had supposedly started writing an immature story about someone on my shift with a couple of nervous tics (his tics gave him magical powers or something) and wanted other people to write a page each. I just said "I don't think it's fair to single somebody out like that" and that seemed to be the end of it. I'm probably quite lucky to work with a diverse and mostly open-minded bunch, if anyone was seen to be acting like a bully or causing grief to another worker they'd be disciplined immediately.

I can't resist sticking up for the "underdog." It's gotten me in hot water a time or two, but I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't. I never actually lost a job over it, but I have lost favor with my employer a few times, which ultimately caused me to move on from that job.

In most cases, neither of what you suggested. I wouldn't pick on the person because everyone else is doing it because that's damn stupid but I wouldn't defend the person either because when I was being bullied most people didn't do anything to defend me so why should I defend others? But if it was a friend of mine or another person that has drfended me before I would defend them. I have defended Christine and Andrew because they had defended me before. When I talked to people who were disturbing them/talking s*** about them at their back people always stopped being mean to them and I didn't get any bad consequence out of it. Thankfully amongst my social problems I don't have the one of being unassertive.

I'd stick up for the person that they're picking on. I wouldn't say nasty things to his bullies. I'd be as sensitive and tactful as I can. I'd also remind them of the golden rule: Treat others the way you wish to be treated. There's a more wordy way that it's said in the Bible, but I don't remember the words. If they still don't stop, I'd befriend the person who's bullied and help him to ignore the bullies.

I'd tell them to 'shut the f**k up.'

Not sure if that puts me in option 2. It's not worth being part of a group if they make fun of people.
I've either cut ties or let people know when they were being offensive to people of different races.
It will be the same with mental disabilities.

If they would hurt me in the same way they are not worth it.
I would start to hang out with the person being teased as I'm usually a lone wolf anyway so I wouldn't be a part of the group.
And I would gladly risk my job for sticking up for someone.