On the verge of meltdown ............

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So .....I'm an Aspie Abroad for the last 5 days and the next 8 and I'm on the verge of cracking
We ( my wife of 33 years and 30 year old daughter ) are in Florida for our son's wedding on Sunday coming.

We have spent the last few days in the various Disney parks so you can only IMAGINE our high my stress levels are at the moment and we haven't even got to to challenging part .

In fact it's the next 3 days that hold the most fear for me ( getting a bit emotional even as I type ) .

You guys know how I/ we rely on routines and obsessions ( just me ?) to get through each and every day but over here I have very few routines as I'm constantly working around everybody else needs . To make things even worse the sketchy plans we do seem to be following are constantly changing

I'm using every stratagy and coping technique just to prevent my heart and head from exploding . If we're at home under pressure I could go for a long run or take the dog over the countryside or even just go and hide in the bedroom . I can't do any of those things here particularly the bedroom option as it would appear rather strange to disappear away from everyone for a couple of hours ( we are all living together ! )

Thankfully my lovely wife is used to me and is being very understanding ( she's an actual real life guardian angel ) although we've had a couple of moments where we've snapped at each other ....nothing serious . She works in education ( as I do ) so she's knows about autism / aspergers etc but just like all the ' normal' people she really can't begin to understand how I'm suffering ....obviously we are constantly talking about things and re-evalueating ( is that even a word ) but I'm just barely coping at the moment .

Anyways ...tonight we meet the girl's parents and going out for a meal somewhere or something ~ just great
Tomorrow we are meeting her family and fine tuning the wedding p!ans , Saturday is a run - through of the ceremony plus friends and family coming round ' this place'. Sunday is the wedding .... Then 5 days of chilling and seeing the local sights and then we come /go home in about 9 days !?!?

Any help or advice PLEASE. ! !! !! !?

I've got loads of music but can't play it as anywhere near as loud as I like and it would appear rude to sit listening to music through headphones ...

If your family understands your needs as an Aspie, it's time for a family conference.

You may need to take a day off in order to be fresh for the wedding. It may spoil their day to not have you with them, but if you're being burned out by the experience, it's not exactly a vacation for YOU.

Talk to them.

Let them know what's happening, and maybe take a day off by just staying at the hotel, getting some extra sleep (once the maids are finished with the room), and keeping to yourself with no abnormal levels of sensory input.

If you had a stomach bug, they'd understand you can't be up and about and socializing with the new in-laws.

Take a day to "cool off" and let the wife and daughter know this is what you need.

Be REAL nice to the bride's family at the reception, and maybe even offer the parents a small gift to make up for not being able to spend the day with them and so forth on Friday. (Your wife may be able to think of something appropriate. Not cash, for sure, unless you're not paying for the wedding and maybe would like to pay for something, like maybe the limo.)

After the wedding, also take it easy on how many days, even how many hours a day, you're active.

You can NOT afford to go into a meltdown while on vacation.

That sounds incredibly stressful! I would not be able to cope with a situation like that at all, so you're doing amazingly well to be holding yourself together this far!

I take it your goal is to survive all of this without letting on that you're autistic? And without appearing 'weird' or 'rude' by NT standards? That is tough. To me, it seems better to get away and take a walk if you can, than to bottle up your stress and risk falling apart completely. (And it honestly doesn't seem 'rude' to me?!)

Good luck getting through the upcoming week – congrats on your son's wedding!

Rather than dissappear for a couple of hours you could merely say you're going out with your wife for a romantic dinner at some restaurant... and take the bedroom option in one of the many hotels in the area.

For the rest of the time you could put yourself into a 'this is like work' mentality when dealing with the tasks required... and get some quite-alone time whenever you can to release the built up stress.

Since you are in my town, for the 9 days you have sightseeing I could suggest some restaurants and places to go that are 'off' the tourist trap scene. It all depends on what you and your wife and into (food/entertainment/sights/etc).

Grats on your son's wedding btw!

I'm so sorry you're n so stressed! What a great dad you are, to sacrifice so much! I'm NT, and there is NO WAY that I could socialize on someone else's terms for 10+ days straight!

You mentioned you work in education - maybe you could come up with some "emergency project" that requires your attention? Most people understand when the patriarch of the family is a "very important person". So, skip the next Disney outing or other minor bonding event because of this "project". If you have the means, maybe even book another hotel room across town where you can hide out and recharge without the risk of being discovered. Good luck!

Disappear into a room for a while. Be honest, it's your family. ...or fake the need for a *nap*.

Do you have a rental car? On vacations, I offer to run many shirt errands just to get out. Then, take a little extra time and go for that run or walk or go sit quietly by a lake.

Or, hide in the bathroom and eat chocolate.


I do suggest being honest with your wife, she can help you find acceptable times and excuses for a little recharge time.

People might think it's weird but I don't think they'd generally consider it rude to go off for exercise or prayer. So if it would help to get away, maybe you could do one of those?

It sounds like you're in the Orlando metro area which to me is an annoyingly noisy place with lots and lots of traffic. Been there done that A LOT.
Maybe try going for walks alone, especially if there is a city park nearby. O-town does have some decent city parks with lakes. Depending on the exact location, I generally don't recommend the walks or the parks after dark in that area, though. That and/or go to a library where it will definitely be quiet and chill out for a while and do some reading or whatever. When at all practical, let the others go sight seeing without you if the places they are going to are going to be crowded and noisy.

It sounds like an extremely stressful situation. I've been to Disney World, so I can relate to that (although not the wedding). It can be very nerve wracking.

Honestly, I think that probably the best thing you can do is, if you can do this when you feel like your about to break down, try to find a private place and just allow it to happen . A good example would be if you feel this way while everyone else is in the game room or the pool area. You could go back to your hotel room a little while, express your emotions and then pull yourself together and join everyone else again. I know that when meltdowns do happen for me that, afterwards, I feel much calmer and have taken to using this method to relieve my stress when it gets really bad.

You mentioned that your wife understands and that she is there with your daughter. If you really need those few hours, maybe something else you could let them spend part of the day in the park without you so they can have some mother daughter bonding time while you basically allow yourself to reboot and prepare for what lies ahead.

I wish you luck and hope that things don't get any more tense then they already are.

I understand. To be clear - I was recommending that you lie, and get your wife to confirm that lie. You might be surprised at how easily everyone accepts your fabrication.

We NTs do it all the time.

I'm sorry last night was so stressful. And I wish your family could be more supportive of you. Does your daughter not realize that you're autistic – and that calling attention to your 'odd' behavior is the last thing she ought to be doing, in a stressful social situation like that? Your family should be the ones defending you (or passing it off lightly) if someone else makes a rude comment.

But I understand that you have to deal with the reality of the situation, not how it should be. It sounds like you're in with the lions for 13 days, and surviving this is going to be a feat of epic strength. I've been in situations where I just had to 'grin and bear it', because falling apart was not an option. We can do it once in a while, but it pushes us to our absolute limit!

I hope you can get through all this, and that today is a better one... I'm cheering for you here!

Well thanks for all the support , peeps .

Today we've been socialising with the girl's parents at the family home and thus far the day has been ok for me although we've just been chatting and doing little jobs in preparation for the big day .....I'm doing pretty well so far and everyone thinks I'm just a "normal" guy

If if only they knew the truth

It could be the calm before the storm though as us GUYS are going out for a lad's night out ! !

Just great ! !!
I'm not a drinker so I'm going to have to either join in with the booze fest or think quick on my feet and have soft drinks overlapping with shandy or something

I get on pretty well with her dad who's a regular " American guy" who loves golf and luckily I know a few golfers and I've watched a few golf series on TV so I can chat about that and other sports