why do people say body language is more reliable than words?

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hollowmoon
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02 Mar 2014, 12:02 am

Isn't body language all conscious? Is it difficult for NT's to not do body language?



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02 Mar 2014, 12:15 am

I might be wrong here... but for most (NT) people their body language is automatic. That is, NTs might have learned that body language, not speech, more accurately portrays / betrays true feeling and true intent.
If they're denied this window into your character, you may be perceived as shifty or dishonest, maybe even dangerous.

People do not like and tend to fear what they do not understand.

These are just my observations.



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02 Mar 2014, 12:31 am

I think it's because that is their communication style.


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02 Mar 2014, 1:07 am

NTs don't do their body langauge consciously. It just kind of happens. They don't have to think about making the right movements to communicate with each other, but they do have to think a little about which words they say. So it's easier for an NT to lie with words than with body language.

If you are trying to detect whether an NT is lying to you, I think that if the NT is a reasonably skilled liar, it's probably going to be impossible to read their body language or their words well enough to figure it out (well, usually; some autistics are hyper-aware of body language). Your best bet is to use logic and see if their words match their actions, and figure out whether their claims make sense. Look for contradictions and impossibilities. That's the only reliable way I have to detect liars.

Another useful skill to learn: Telling apart malicious lies and socially-appropriate "white lies". The first sort is deliberately trying to trick you, to take advantage of you, or to hide things from you. The second is not malicious, and it comes from people trying to smooth over social situations by hiding their own flaws and inconsistencies and by sparing other people's feelings. It might be irritating, but it's not something we need to take personally--people have such a great need to fit in and to be accepted.


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886
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02 Mar 2014, 1:10 am

Because words are (mostly) lies. Actions speak the truth.


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02 Mar 2014, 1:13 am

886 wrote:
Because words are (mostly) lies. Actions speak the truth.


Actions speak louder than words whatever the phrase is.


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886
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02 Mar 2014, 1:22 am

League_Girl wrote:
886 wrote:
Because words are (mostly) lies. Actions speak the truth.


Actions speak louder than words whatever the phrase is.


Basically. :P


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justkillingtime
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02 Mar 2014, 1:57 am

There is an interesting book: "What Every Body is saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People" by Joe Navarro and Marvin Karlins.


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02 Mar 2014, 3:21 am

It might be useful to remember that no other animal has as thorough of a vocabulary as humans and rely mostly on "body language" and almost completely on "body language" when interacting with any other species.

It might also be useful to remember that behavior began about a half billion years ago, well before the printing press.

I hope this doesn't sound sarcastic or condescending, but because it occurred to me to say that, it probably does.


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1401b
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02 Mar 2014, 3:32 am

Sorry, I didn't make my point which is basically - Words are new.


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02 Mar 2014, 3:45 am

Body languages betrays our true opinions but words can lie. Aspies as well as NTs give off body language; however, the problem is that we aspies aren't very good at reading body language.


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02 Mar 2014, 3:55 am

1401b wrote:
It might be useful to remember that no other animal has as thorough of a vocabulary as humans and rely mostly on "body language" and almost completely on "body language" when interacting with any other species.

It might also be useful to remember that behavior began about a half billion years ago, well before the printing press.

I hope this doesn't sound sarcastic or condescending, but because it occurred to me to say that, it probably does.


Actually a very good point.



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02 Mar 2014, 5:50 am

People say that because NTs are naturally born with the ability to read multiple layers of people and they find this easiest.
It does however, remove the majority of us from the equation.



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02 Mar 2014, 2:24 pm

I don't spend my time with NTs that lie to me. It just isn't worth it. I find the ones who don't lie, or who, if they lie, do so in inconsequential, socially-appropriate ways (like, "I'm too busy to come over today," instead of, "I want to play my new computer game today,") that are supposed to spare your feelings.

We have to be tolerant of their neurology that pushes them to seek approval like that. When they lie in ways that are not supposed to hurt people, we shouldn't take it personally, just like they shouldn't take it personally when we are bluntly honest. Learning to get along will have to include learning to accept each others' communication styles.

We don't have to accept hurtful behavior. That's just being a doormat. But NTs will be NTs, and they're people, too.


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03 Mar 2014, 10:25 am

Pobbles wrote:
I might be wrong here... but for most (NT) people their body language is automatic.


This.

For "normal" people, their body language reflects how they feel....at least within given cultural contexts. Interrogations and profiling is highly successful when the interviewer understands cultures, beliefs, etc. and reads the "subtle" cues in body language, voice inflection, etc. when questioning someone.

Someone who can fake that is either well-trained to repress these things or a psychopath.

The problem is when a person's culture/beliefs would produce different responses or a person has a condition where they don't emote properly to reflect what they are feeling. Then, you can't trust the body language.

Still, for the vast majority of society, they rely on the subconscious signals more than the conscious signals to communicate.



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03 Mar 2014, 11:16 am

Its about how much attention you pay to it. If someone intends to lie, he puts much effort in TELLING the lie, so he focuses much on his voice acting, to convince the opposite. A good lier will additionally be aware of his body mimicry, so he will spend a bit of attention on that too.

But additional to the total body language, there is as well such a thing, that is called "micro mimic", that most people are not aware of. These are face movements, that are so totally fast, that the most humans dont even mention them on purpose on their opposites. But parts of our instinctive brain are still able to recognize them, and tell us that there is something weird about that persons behavior. Actually there have been tests, that most people that were told to be good in "sensing someone elses mood/intentions" are simply very good in instinctively recognizing those micro-mimics in their opposites.

So while your speech may tell lies, and as well the actively controlled body-language of yours. those micro-mimics are mostly telling the truth.

Sadly, because of our disfunctional instinctive social brain part, autists and aspergers are rather blindly towards them. So when watching a documentary, where examples were given in an video, I could not recognize a single s**t. ^^