Comparing myself to other people. Good or Bad ?

Post Reply New Topic

When I see or hear of people who as young as 22 who own their business or in higher jobs as leaders, bosses, supervisors and so on in their twenties, it makes me feel like I'm beneath them and are better than me, as I am just a sales assistant at 29 and that it leaves me to feel they are living the high life and have succeeded and achieved everything they wanted and I seem to think I've wasted it. At 22 I left university without finishing and had no job and was out of work until 26. I felt I couldn't study and work in a shop all at the same time. People have said to me you wouldn't be able to do a job in a full time higher position and they are probably right as I haven't got great leadership skills but I doesn't stop the thoughts about other people I just mentioned. I seem to think everyone who is in their twenties today have got the careers they wanted whereas up to now at 29 I only work part time as a sales assistant and I seem to think if you are in your mid to late twenties you should be at the height of your career and maybe be in charge of your own business or be in a higher position job.

Bad.

Comparing yourself to others will do absolutely nothing good for you. All it will do is make you in turn both vain and bitter, for there will always be people greater or lesser than yourself.

I've always compared myself to other people and it makes me depressed. I think I do it because of feeling insecure about myself. I've been insecure about myself ever since I was about 5, and it got worse as I grew up. I think it's because I'm the only person in my known family to have Asperger's and everyone else are NTs.
Yesterday I was looking through Facebook and came across a post of my cousin saying that he's 'checked in' to some nightclub in London with friends, and suddenly depression hung over me because this cousin of mine is the only one that has shown some Aspie traits and it was just comforting knowing someone else related to me may be an (undiagnosed) Aspie and it made me feel less alone. Going clubbing in London is one of those things that is expensive and people only really go there if it's their sort of thing, or if they are teenagers or young adults just going along with the crowd. But my cousin is older and I never thought clubbing was his thing. So I doubt he is on the spectrum if he is able to have friends and be invited out to nightclubs in London.

I don't compare myself to others, but I do notice the differences between myself and other people. While I can hold my own in intellectual discussions with similarly intelligent peers, I know they have had experiences that I haven't had. I am working hard to attain adult milestones that others have attained long ago. I probably have to adjust my expectations about how far I can go. I know I will have to think up different strategies than others to meet my goals.

Bad. Always bad.

If they're better than you, it will depress you. If you're better than them, you'll become prideful, arrogant, and haughty. If they're the same as you, you will obsess over minor details.

Comparing by itself is O.K., as long as it is only looking at Facts, and not jumping to conclusions about those facts.
So there's a difference between Facts and between Interpretations of those Facts.

So, when you say "I compare", chances are you are comparing Intrepetation of facts.
Your mind does not like the state of 'dont know', so chances are it is "thinking fast" (immediate associations, availability heuristics) and in this process your mind makes errorneous/unserving conclusions, possibly leading to emotional dissonance .

Author Don Miguel Ruiz wrote that you are both the Judge, Jury, and the Executioner, all in 1 role...
When you "compare" yourself, chances are you're not doing the process of comparison justice,
because the quality of Interpretation depends on balanced weighing of the full spectrum of Facts/information, which can include information about your health, where you're coming from, etc...

I suggest you don't do yourself disservice of quick judgment, especially the judgement that you pass on yourself.
As Nathaniel Branden, author of "6 Pillars of Self-Esteem" wrote:

I never compare myself to other people. I used to compare myself to the rest of my family. That person does this that way and I do things this way. I do things the wrong way. These people are taking after the French and the British. I take after the Germans. I stopped doing that a few months ago.

I could be good if it inspires you to to help people who are worse off than you are.

you can't really compare yourself to other people because everyone has their own unique set of circumstances and you only see the superficiality of it and make judgements based on that, so the judgements aren't really accurate because you never see what's going on beneath the surface.
You might see people having a successful business or job, but you don't see the toll it takes, they may be totally stressed out and hate their high-powered jobs.
Maybe they envy you for having a 'simple' job.
You can't know, so its better not to draw conclusions based on assumptions.

In the Special Olympics races , it is prohibited to get someone to "pace" a runner

The "Pacer" runs slightly faster than the runner. Allegedly that makes the runner run faster

Comparing yourself to someone else could be like a "Pacer". In some circumstances

But everyone has a different situation, and it sometimes does not make sense to compare two people




An instructor told me to compare myself to how I was when I was young, but that is also wrong and bad, because when I was younger, some things were easier to do, and that was not because I did something right to get that reward.

For example, when I was 12 I ran a mile in under 8 minutes, but (maybe) 12 year old have competitive advantage over 35 years old

When I dropped out of grad school, I gradually let those friendships drop away. I knew I would be very jealous of their evolving careers that I would never match. So I avoided any temptation to compare.

But for several years I have kept a log of "Friends Who Have Died" in which I record, not financial or career successes, but simply status of alive or dead, for people from my past. It is sobering to know that some of my girlhood friends from middle school or high school died in their 40s... including some that were more "successful" than I. In other cases, the friend themself has not died but has lost a child, which I never have. So it's kind of a gratitude exercise: I'm grateful that I'm alive, and I'm grateful that I have never had a child who died.

people always say it's bad, but it's kind of necessary, society forces you to do it and it's mostly unavoidable.

i'm constantly doing it.

Good:

Nothing gets my blood boiling like "Don't compare yourself to others."

Because it's usually parroted by people who know if they were to be compared to someone in a particular field/catagory they would most likely come out on top.

And it's so and conceited and arrogant when it comes from people with high skill/success. They're basically saying

"Awww don't feel bad that you'll never be as good as me; be happy with your "you tried" ribbon."

I'm never going to stop comparing myself and looking to improve because "Don't compare yourself to others." Is just something invented by the olympians, geniuses and prodigies of the world to keep potential competition complacent.

So long as you counterbalance it by reading stories about people who've, well, made bad choices.

Do something like Google "Florida Man" for that sort of thing

It is always bad. The healthy thing to do is to pay attention to our own successes wether big or small as everyone's different therefore we shouldn't compare. Yes some people accomplish a lot at a young age but they may have an incredibly high drive and be very business minded or whatever - not everyone is - and even those people have their misery and compare themselves to others.

I've been around too many visibly happy people in my life who seems to be so put together that I know it's most likely BS because most people only show the good parts of their life to others. You don't know what's happening behind that polished surface. Be greatful for what you've done and accomplish things in your own pace.

One of the biggest reasons us humans can't be happy is because we compare and compete with others all the time instead of focusing on ourselves. That is also the main reason why social media can be harmful because it's easy to go online and compare yourself to millions of people who most likely only show a very tiny part of their lives online anyway.

It isn't good to compare, but it is also unavoidable as you naturally see what others your age are doing. I was also a sales assistant at age 29 and when I saw friends and cousins progressing in their careers I felt so unsuccessful. At that point I realized I didn't have what it takes to make it in any business world job and I became a stripper. It worked for me and I felt the most comfortable I had ever been in any working environment. Saved money and bought my own house. It was a great solution for me and I didn't not care that it was looked down upon by society because I had what I needed, income and independence.