Do Other Aspies Annoy you?

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I sometimes think that Apies can be more conceded and self righteous about things than NTs.
They can just go on and on and be so "matter of fact" about things.

When ever I have to listen to some Aspies like this, especially in their "Lecture" mode, I just want to kick them in the head. I also wonder if I am just as annoying at times.

The worst is when they are judgemental, demeaning, almost downright verbally abusive.

I actually had an Aspie tell me that as an Aspie, I should have down social rules down better than NTs because we were better at it. I mean, come'on, isn't that like the number one problem with being Aspie, an inablity to know all these social rules?


Best,

Idaho Aspie
www.AllThingsAspergers.com

annoying idiot is, as annoying idiot does.

NT's definately don't have a monopoly on being annoying. I have a cat that will want to snuggle up even in 40C (100F) degree heat! So humans aren't the only annoying creatures on the planet.

The aspies I've known in person just aren't a reliable bunch on the whole. It's hard to organize anything with them. Add to that the rigidity of personality, and I can see why we aren't a generally sociable set. This is why I've found NTs easier to socialize with in general (although they probably have the same criticisms about me that I have of other aspies).

I can see where you're coming from. I haven't met anyone in real life who I know is an aspie for sure so I can't really tell. What someone writes in a forum might not accurately portray who they are in life. Also what you complained about is an aspie trait. I would say many aspies have been hurt in life and it is natural for them take their problems out in the forums.

Yeah, I know I piss people off all the time. They thing that gets me is why they except me to know why. People I thought I was on good terms with.

See, I understand why an NT might get mad at me for a behavior or statement not knowing I am Aspie. But with another Aspie, or a knowing NT, I don't. It is like, they think that the AS they know should know better. Rather than using it as a learning tool to say, "Hey, what you did was social wrong or offensive and here is why" instead they say, "You should know better" as though it was intentional misbehavior and leaving me

Best,

Idaho Aspie
www.AllThingsAspergers.com

I am kind of a boring person, yet I am not to big on being around other boring people...I think it just compounds my problems. I would say it's a little selfish and hypocritical though. The term "Projection" comes to mind...people see everybody elses faults and weaknesses, except their own...this can be a defense mechanism.

I read on some dating site that the majority of people (NT or not) do better with someone similar, but not exactly like themselfs. I guess this would be the same as someone mocking everything you do...very annoying.

Last edited by jason_b1980 on 30 Dec 2007, 2:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

We're hard-headed, for the most part; "rigid thinking" and all that stuff.

People don't annoy me however, but I can see how rigid thinking combined with a lack of social awareness could be annoying to some.

From the aspies I've known offline (not a large sample, to be sure), it's not so much social faux pas as it is the seeming lack of social interest they have. Since they seem to prioritize their own interests, preferences, and dislikes so highly above everything else, it can be hard to accomodate them. Imagine you're trying to coordinate a meeting of just four people with Asperger's syndrome; but one of them gets losts very easily, another has a tendency to duck out at the last minute without letting anyone know, a third has strong sensory aversions and a very rigid set of tolerable activities, and the fourth is grossly socially and emotionally immature and completely dominates conversations (beyond the usual aspie professorial monologues) and then sulks if anyone in the group tries to change the subject (no matter how gracefully) and makes all manner of rash accusations in an attempt to manipulate the group back into listening to him or her talk incessantly about what no one else is even remotely interested in. It's a challenge (trust me: I've been there). Oh, also, when they're not currently actively interested in the group, they don't return e-mails or phone calls but randomly pop in just when they feel like it (again, making planning anything next to impossible).

I've obviously got social difficulties, but at least I can be accomodating enough to make the basics of social relationships work. Sometimes it takes some nudging to make me aware of things, but I can work with things if I know. (So I would say I am more flexible and easygoing than most aspies but then again also more detached and even oblivious too.)

I know one other aspie besides myself in real life.
For the most part, we get along fine. There have been a few occassions where we have said things to one another that annoyed eachother, though.

For example, the other day he was over at my house helping me disassemble my trampoline as I was giving it to my mothers friend as I never used it.
We were joking about relationships and suddenly he says to me..."I bet your attracted to your mother".
This was funny at first, but then when he carried on and on about my mother was an easy person to be attracted to...I just ended up walking away and shutting myself in my bedroom.
I have annoyed him on numerous occassions by not wanting to go anywhere and just wanting to stay home...

We generally get along, though.

I believe that my 88-year-old father is an aspie. We get along fine now, but, in my childhood and youth, he was very abusive - mostly just emotionally but, at times, physically, as well. I suppose, back in those years, I always found him to be annoying.

Last edited by nominalist on 30 Dec 2007, 3:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

hO! What a timely thread....I was goona write a thread on this VERY subject!...It was goona be entitled Aspie vs. Aspie.
We have this older VERY AS-suspect woman who helps out at my place sometimes...and although she means well she has me at my wit's end....My nerves are ground to dust....I worked with her tonight....

I don't like working with other people. I need my personal space..I need to do things the way that I am going to do them.

This lady....granted..I like her....and she is helpful....she is the extroverted type aspie..where i avoid eye contact..she has the Aspie stare....and she talks and talks and talks and talks and expects me to identify with everything that she is saying. I am so worn out....she has to explain every little detail about every little thing...all I can say is OK....ok.....ok....ok...ok.....and she randomly passively touches me in a way that makes me shriek...and Arrrrrgh......I have let her know that I have sensory issues and issues with anxiety and needing my personal space...and she identifies...supposedly...having relatives and whatnot who are HFA...and being quite the aspie herself......but she is BERY social and outgoing and strong willed.....and after a while I feel the need to run screaming from her every word.

I am very stressed out.....i am so glad the night is over. I really want her to go home. At least she has a thick skin....so when i sorta lose it and yell at her, it does not phase her much.

I used to know this other girl who i really think was HFA....she had this way of just standing in the middle of the room and staring into space......maybe she wasn't HFA...maybe she had just done too many drugs or something....When I first met her I liked her because she sorta reminded me of myself at that age...after a while...she started getting on my nerves for various reasons that I won't go into because I have muckraked enough as it is in this post.

and then there was the guy who used to always show up at my little screen printing workshop...even though he had worked for years in a screen printing factory....and all he would do is drone and drone about how everything I was doing was wrong.....yee gads....I finally snapped and told him that if he knew so much about screen rpinting, why did he keep coming to my workshops?

and my hyper-vigilant AS-seeming mom.....she is awesome.....but it can sometimes be hard for me to listen to the same diatribe I have heard a thousand times on a subject that is not within my range of interest....or would be slightly more appealing...if it wasn't being pressed down my throat for the umpteen-millionth time.....soory mom..if you read this...I meant no offense...I am just really stressed out and frazzled....
Sometimes I can be having an anxiety attack when all i need is to be left alone....but certain people will refuse to understand...I don't want to be touched or talked to...i just need space...and not reading my social cues...and verbal requests....sometimes my mom will keep coming after me....which makes the panic worsen.......

No. I find Aspies refreshing. Like a bracing ice cold shower. NTs are...mundane and can be (but not necessarily) slow-thinking and deceptive. But, technically, I am a HFA - moot point.

i know very few other aspies, and the ones i know, i don't know very well

I run a venue that is a sort of magnet for eccentric non-confomist outsider types....so I tend to run across more that one might run into in the average population.

I have also met quite a few awesome aspies....and the folks I have mentioned are not bad people.....I am just sensitive and I don't really bond well socially with most people to begin with....so that fact might have more to do with them getting on my nerves than the fact that they are aspies or aspie-like....

Ooooo, I just noticed - we are all Aspies! I thought we liked, no, LOVED each other, yes?

One more thought on this subject: I recently reflected on some of my friends, past and present, and I have realized that at least a few of them appear to be on the spectrum. One of them is, I believe, deceased (and his nephew did not speak until he was five). Another moved away, and I have no idea what happened to him. The third, well, I plan to discuss the subject with him (very carefully).

I don't know how common it is for people on the spectrum to discover that they may have had friends also on the spectrum.