Been in a weird funk all day, could use advice

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First let me tell you a bit about myself. My name is Paul, I'm 25. I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was 8. I've grown out of a lot of my awkwardness and I adapt socially pretty well, but I still have a few issues I still struggle with like sometimes I get depressed for ridiculous reasons. One of the biggest triggers for depressive feelings is thinking about my past, specifically all the s**t I made my Mom put up with. I'm sure everyone reading this has lost their temper with their mother at some point in their past. As a 25 year old though, I can say she didn't deserve it. And all day I've just been thinking about how difficult I must have been to deal with at times (especially around the ages 12 to 14). Now, my mom is the nicest lady you'll ever meet, and I have the upmost respect for her sticking by my side even when I was an annoying little bastard. Part of me wants to tell her how much I really respect her and how I dread the days where I was young, immature and didn't show enough appreciation.

Now, sometimes I find myself reading posts on the internet of mother's who have sons with AS who have had to their wits end and simply don't know what to do. A lot of the kids mentioned in the articles are often far more awkward than I am, but it still leaves this strange feeling in my gut that at times, my mother felt the same sort of pain and agony that these mothers felt.

Arrrrgggh, I hate this feeling. I feel like I should talk to my mom about this and get it all off my chest.

Does anyone else struggle with feelings like this?

I, too, get depressed for "ridiculous reasons" quite often. However, I don't think the example you've given above is ridiculous at all and if you feel like you should talk to your mother about it I suggest you do so. Perhaps she'll really appreciate it and maybe you'd feel better as well.

I still get this.
I think back on all the things my family have done for me and how accepting they have been (the majority of the time )
and then I get sad because I don't feel like I have contributed positively to any part of their lives.

Sorry,
forgot to include the advice ,
I find that if you can stand physical contact, a good way, either way
is to give one of them a hug because even if you don't enjoy it, they probably will.

Thanks, guys. The advice means a lot.

I really feel that in my younger days, I was so wrapped up in my own digital world. Internet, TV, my favorite bands, never wanting to be disturbed. Now that I'm older I'm started to appreciate the finer things in life more, such as the importance of family.

I read this article today that almost gave me a full on anxiety attack. I can't post the link to it because I'm new to the forum, but if you google "My son hates me and is destroying what is left of our family" you should be able to find it. Granted, my case was not nearly as severe as the one posted in the article but it still did put me a weird, uncomfortable state......

Hello! You´re having guilt about having been a teenager! Those days are past and you´re free to give her flowers and just say "Tanks for being a great Mom". She´ll appreciate it.

I don't think it's absolutely necessary to apologize for things you did as a kid. For example my brother treated me horribly when we were younger, but he's very nice to me now, and I would feel weird if he apologized to me for the stuff he did back then.

As long as you're nice to her nowadays, I'm sure she understands and is proud of how you turned out!

You were a kid. She did her job as a mom, which included some tough parts. That's the way it's supposed to be.

I don't blame you for getting upset about the way some people are talking about their autistic children, though. Sometimes, people talk as though the child were ruining their life, a burden, etc., and no child should be talked about like that. I'd be upset, too.

My advice? Eat something, drink something, take a nap, and you'll probably reset your emotions. Then start off from there, and go on with your life.

It'll be Mother's Day in a couple of months. Thanking your mom for raising you and loving you, and celebrating the mother/child bond, is what that holiday is all about. No guilt necessary. Just celebrate it.

I understand, but if you read the article I mentioned that kid was definitely a huge problem and I understand the mother's pain greatly. Refusing to help out around the house, freaking out when she asks him the tiniest favor, unnecessary rudeness, flipping out and saying things about how he hates her and how she shouldn't be anybody's mother. I couldn't read it without feeling the mother's pain.

I'm feeling better today though. One thing I'm going to do though is start helping around the house more whenever I can.

Also, let me just say I'm glad I had a tough father around who wasn't afraid to flip his lid on me when I'd act out of line. In the article I read, the father had left the family which probably made it very difficult for the mother. I am eternally grateful for all those years of my father losing his temper on me for being a little bastard. It made me into the man that I am today.

That's probably the nicest thing you can do for your mother right now because it's an ongoing way to show appreciation. Also just try to be considerate of her (be quiet when she's sleeping or reading, help her if she's putting away a lot of groceries or burdened with something, don't eat all the cookies or whatever treat both you and your mum like). This is something I'm still really bad at because I just don't think about her or anyone else on a daily basis. I'm wrapped up in my own stuff. I was a nasty bastard of a child sometimes too and my mum had/has the patience of a saint for putting up with me. I have gotten very depressed and felt very guilty about it too. That much guilt is not useful to anyone though and you can't change how you were as a child only how you are now as an adult.

Also Callista is right that you were only a child and a child with a developmental disorder and your mum had a challenging job raising you but she did it well.

We have a pretty good relationship right now, and I try to spend quality time with her and my Dad when I can. Going on hikes, watching movies, etc. I feel like I'm scarred by my past most of the time, but you're right. I can't change how I was as a child, only how I am as an adult. Rather than being depressed about my past, I should learn from it to become a better person now.