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mr_bigmouth_502
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08 Mar 2014, 2:01 am

I know that aspies often have a hard time "reading" people, and I know I certainly do sometimes, but is it strange for someone on the spectrum to attempt to judge someone based on their appearance? I've noticed over the years that I tend to be quick to jump to conclusions about how people will act, based on their facial expressions, how they dress, what their voice sounds like, etc. It doesn't mean I *know* what they're feeling or how they're actually going to act, but it just seems that I've developed a series of assumptions that go with certain things I see. For instance, young males wearing baseball caps with golden stickers tend to be rich douchebags that aren't worth my time talking to.

I know it's not good to prejudge people based on appearance, but I can't seem to help it. It just seems to come naturally to me.



conchscooter
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08 Mar 2014, 2:12 am

It's what people do. We have Asperger's so we just get it worng.



EzraS
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08 Mar 2014, 2:48 am

Don't think that's too unusual. I mean your avatar gives me the impression that you
are a nice friendly person, because it is a friendly face. There are a couple of people
here who have intimidating looking avatars and was actually leery of them at first because
of how the avatar looked. But found out they were friendly. And there could be a person with
a friendly avatar I think is friendly at first and then find out they are a mean jerk.



LupaLuna
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08 Mar 2014, 3:04 am

I think there is an old saying called "Judging a book by it's cover".

BTW: My avatar is suppose to be weird. I like weird things and the weirder it is, the more fascinating it is.



kx250rider
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08 Mar 2014, 11:16 am

There is a certain amount of accuracy to making assumptions about peoples' personalities by what clothes they wear, how they maintain their hygiene, and how they behave in public.

For instance, I often (correctly) assume that a 30-something man in an Italian suit on the cellphone in line at a store or the post office, etc., will have some kind of hassle or argument with the clerk, and/or there will be a problem with the credit card, etc., so I will usually pick a different line. On the other hand, if I see a 30-something man wearing ripped jeans, a cheap T-shirt and workboots, and fumbling with a crumpled $20 bill from his wallet before he gets to the front of the line, he probably is in a hurry and will just do necessary business and be done, and he'll be polite and will not create hassles.

…..And chances are that the frumpy labor worker-looking man has more money in the bank than the other man in the expensive suit is pretending to have.

Charles



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08 Mar 2014, 12:59 pm

If you know you're making unfair assumptions, then you're capable of questioning them. "It's human nature" is a cop-out.



LifUlfur
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08 Mar 2014, 1:10 pm

Until I know a person on WP by their posts, I decide by their avatar.
And this is why I liked Ezra - he was smiling and he had a picture of himself from real life *probably* and I liked LupaLuna - her picture was awesome and the original character was from a TV show I watched when I was younger.
I also do this in real life, since I don't often look at the face and am always confused when I do,
I decide by clothes and shoes, they don't have to look nice for me to like them,
but I do like it when they're unique.
Also, it doesn't really matter if you prejudge them as long as you give them a chance afterwards
so you can see who they are really.
Also, from my experience everyone who wears a baseball cap with a gold sticker has been a bad person in one way or another
but this is neither an unfair assumption or wrong because everyone has a bit of bad in them once they have grown up but it does not decide their character.

^
Almost went full blown rant mode. Woops.


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League_Girl
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08 Mar 2014, 1:24 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
I know that aspies often have a hard time "reading" people, and I know I certainly do sometimes, but is it strange for someone on the spectrum to attempt to judge someone based on their appearance? I've noticed over the years that I tend to be quick to jump to conclusions about how people will act, based on their facial expressions, how they dress, what their voice sounds like, etc. It doesn't mean I *know* what they're feeling or how they're actually going to act, but it just seems that I've developed a series of assumptions that go with certain things I see. For instance, young males wearing baseball caps with golden stickers tend to be rich douchebags that aren't worth my time talking to.

I know it's not good to prejudge people based on appearance, but I can't seem to help it. It just seems to come naturally to me.



No I don't think it's strange. We're humans and we learn from experience who to trust. Sometimes you do have to judge based on appearance or else you end up becoming a victim of rape or getting your wallet stolen or getting killed or hurt in any sort of way. I hear if you get a bad vibe about someone, trust your instincts. Don't worry about being judgmental. I try not to be critical about people who judge someone based on appearance because of what they have on or them wearing a trench coat because maybe they have had a bad experience. I understand how frustrating it can be when you're a decent person and people judge you based on your looks or what you wear and you feel you shouldn't have to change to not be judged based on appearance and think people shouldn't be so judgmental. I have dressed like I am poor and I don't really care but I would start to care how I appear if I was getting kicked out of places because workers there thought I was a homeless person but I am clean and have a purse so its obvious I have money so why kick me out. Even homeless people don't get kicked out of places if they have money.


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babybird
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08 Mar 2014, 1:26 pm

I don't really go off appearances, because most people look the same to me.

However, I do get an instant instinct about people in real life.

It's hard for me to ignore and it does get in the way sometimes.

After all I'm not a wild animal.


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Joe90
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08 Mar 2014, 2:13 pm

I think everybody makes mistakes on judging people by their appearance, in other words, before actually getting to know them. But a lot of people still don't seem to learn from that (maybe some people might as they get older). I must admit, the strictest and ''scariest'' female teachers at school all looked strict too, like had that stiff, abrupt look on their face and had extremely short, unstyled hair. And the nicer ones had a friendlier look. But even then sometimes I got it wrong, but generally I was right.

And I can still sort of sense how a person might be like by looking at them. But that does make me feel unconfident because I always go about thinking ''oh my God, if it's that easy to sense what people are like on the inside by looking at them from the outside, then that means everybody can guess what I'm like on the inside!''

But I must admit, I can sense what other female's personalities are more than I can males. I think that goes the same to males. So that is why I feel more comfortable around males. I seem to be more respected my males too.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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08 Mar 2014, 3:51 pm

coffeebean wrote:
If you know you're making unfair assumptions, then you're capable of questioning them. "It's human nature" is a cop-out.


I detest the term "cop-out". I know I'm making unfair assumptions, and I can't fully control them. So what? A lot of people do things that they can't control. I can't turn off the nerves in my arm if I break a bone in it so that I can stop feeling pain, for instance.



Al725
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09 Mar 2014, 1:24 am

I've done this too many times and I always tend to be completely wrong if I actually end up meeting the person later. I've found the friendliest looking people to be complete jerks and vice versaurther Further more, first meeting a person tends to show me very little about who they really are. There have been numerous friendly people upon first meetings that turn out to be atrocious!



coffeebean
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09 Mar 2014, 2:01 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
coffeebean wrote:
If you know you're making unfair assumptions, then you're capable of questioning them. "It's human nature" is a cop-out.


I detest the term "cop-out". I know I'm making unfair assumptions, and I can't fully control them. So what? A lot of people do things that they can't control. I can't turn off the nerves in my arm if I break a bone in it so that I can stop feeling pain, for instance.


This isn't about feelings. This is about actions and critical thinking, and if you recognize that you're working with limited information and biased perspectives you can take action against them having too much of an effect. That's all I was saying.

Going along with impressions without questioning them makes the world a hostile, superficial, short-sighted place in the name of the easiest path. That's "so what."



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09 Mar 2014, 3:52 am

kx250rider wrote:
There is a certain amount of accuracy to making assumptions about peoples' personalities by what clothes they wear, how they maintain their hygiene, and how they behave in public.

For instance, I often (correctly) assume that a 30-something man in an Italian suit on the cellphone in line at a store or the post office, etc., will have some kind of hassle or argument with the clerk, and/or there will be a problem with the credit card, etc., so I will usually pick a different line. On the other hand, if I see a 30-something man wearing ripped jeans, a cheap T-shirt and workboots, and fumbling with a crumpled $20 bill from his wallet before he gets to the front of the line, he probably is in a hurry and will just do necessary business and be done, and he'll be polite and will not create hassles.

…..And chances are that the frumpy labor worker-looking man has more money in the bank than the other man in the expensive suit is pretending to have.

Charles


This did not go where I was expecting it to. :D



TheSperg
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09 Mar 2014, 6:28 am

Hmm I must be the odd man out here, I have great difficulty with this and I think if I was better at it my life would be easier.

I mean if I see someone dressed as a hasidic jew well I can most likely assume they are jewish, or someone wearing a large cross pendant is christian. But any further down than that and I get lost.



babybird
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09 Mar 2014, 6:32 am

I know that IRL people judge me harshly.

To be honest though I do prefer it that way, it means they get to know me slowly over time.

I would rather have that, than be an instant hit with people, because it's far too overwhelming.


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