My family thinks that I have ASD?

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Hello, I am a 17 year old girl from the midwest. For the past three years my family members will not stop bothering me about "being on the spectrum" despite never receiving a diagnosis.

They are getting this notion a few different people WHO ARE NOT qualified to make a medical diagnosis. The first one was a therapist who I saw for a few months in 2015, who believed that autism was the reason why I was so different than everyone else around me. She was an awful therapist, who never listened to a word I said, so I stopped seeing her very shortly afterwards. The second one was a distant family member, who I have only met 3 times in my life, that has a doctorate in education. The third "source" was my great aunt and grandpa who say "that they are very intelligent people who've been around the block", when in reality they have only read 2 internet articles on the condition. If you tell them to put their money where their mouths are and have me visit a Neurologist, they will tell you this: "your great aunt has a degree in education, she is qualified enough."

Here's some things about my life:

Throughout my life, I was always kept inside the house. My parents never allowed me to go spend time with friends, take me places, or let me go outside. I made all of my developmental milestones on time, but I went through life not having the same skill sets as most kids my age since I spent 90% of my days in front of a TV.

As I went further and further into school, I was bullied more and more. I vividly remember being in 2nd grade and having kids make death threats to me, try to physically hurt me, and verbally abuse me. The school board refused to do a thing so I grew deeper and deeper into a depression, became suicidal, and self harmed. I hid it from my family for years and years until I found this band. I don't think I would have been here today if it weren't for that band. Their music saved my life and helped me emotionally separate myself from my bullies. One quality from this time that I did retain was being emotionally distant around bullies.

I then moved to middle school and the school board got a lot better. Some of my bullies got expelled and they actively tried to keep me away from others. It still went on a little bit, but the staff worked with me on how to treat these people and for emotional support (5 years of death threats messes someone up!!). Their help allowed for me to build a lot of relationships over the next 3 years. I went from a D/F student in elementary school to straight A's in middle. Not a word of this was said to my family because I begged to keep them out of it. (They will scream at you for crying and thought I deserved the bullying "for being weird".)

I'm now going into my senior year of high school and lost the support of those in my middle school. I have tried to turn more to my family in expressing my emotions about the whole high school experience. I am beyond annoyed everyday because I have to listen to kids screaming, bullying others, gossip, make animal noises, and yell at teachers for not giving them an A. I feel physically drained every single day. I don't relate to any of this and find it morally wrong. I don't want to be so alone 24/7, but it seems like my only choice. I haven't seen my friends from middle school in years.

I am in a full honors/ap schedule and I get straight A's.

Now here is why they think I have it.
-I don't relate to those in my honors/ap classes. Most of my greatest friends throughout high school have already graduated, have kids, plan on joining the millitary, had GPA's an entire point below mine, or had minor impairments (ie. learning disorders and dyslexia).
-They have interpreted my annoyance around the honors/ap peers as sensory impairments when in reality, I don't have any.
-I have social anxiety and cannot approach large group situations. I can be a chatterbox among groups of 2-4.
-I am the only introvert in my entire family.
-I don't relate to my family. We have very opposing political views, religious views, etc.
-They interpret my strong dislike of my classmates as envy for their abilities to socialize so easily.
-I don't show any emotions around them (learned that from elementary school).
-I usually don't tell them about anything but school so they think I am obsessed with it. (They could care less about me going thrift shopping with my best friend or going to the renaissance festival with my friends.)
-I don't have the average teenage girl interests.
-I am, by default, very quiet.
-I haven't started dating.
-I'm not good at sports.
-I have a very strong moral compass and expect others to as well. They interpret this as being "rule oriented" when in reality I am not at all. I thrive under non-rigid environments in which I can skip class, turn in homework when I feel like, and study when I want.

This is getting ridiculous!! ! I want to put an end to this once and for all. My family refuses to teach me how to drive because of my "autism", they refuse to teach me to cook because of my "autism", and they refuse to let me get a job because my "autism". A few of them don't want me going to college because they don't think I am emotionally stable enough. My grandpa gave me an article yesterday about "How to stop running from Aspergers".

How do I put up with these people over the next few years? I am going to be financially dependent on them for years to come since some of them will pay for college. It takes A LOT out of me to keep my cool around these people.

Since they're absolutely convinced you need to play them at their game.

Find articles about people with autism that can do the things you want to do. It's the only way you are going to escape.

Once you live on your own you can be yourself.

It's a bit insulting that they think the autistic can't work or drive

I can work. I can drive.

There's nothing "wrong" with having an ASD.

But I can understand why you would be reluctant to obtain a "label."

That isn't a terrible idea, hurtloam. The challenge will be holding in my temper-lol.

I had friends in the past who were on the spectrum. They were both a little too big on rules and structure for me, but they weren't bad people or unable to care for themselves. Hell, I think it is pretty insulting too.

Thank you.

Well you haven't said anything that convinces me you for sure don't have aspergers. However even if you do it certainly doesn't mean you can't get a job or go to college.

I don't think I have aspergers because I can read non-verbal cues intuitively, I don't have any sensory issues, and I could care less about rules/rituals/structures. I just don't relate to my family or my peers from my honors/ap courses. I attribute it to my past.

Those friends on the spectrum, were they male or female?

You are 17. A lot of people who come here are people who grew up having a diagnosis, or who got a diagnosis out of the blue, or are older and went through a lot of difficult times before realizing their difficulties had a name. You are quite simply so young that you haven't had time to try a lot of things yet - such as driving and going to university.

I have a friend who from childhood had a rather limiting neurological disease, and whose parents protected her from everything. In adulthood, she's tried a lot of things, simply because she was so protected that she had no chance to find out what she was capable of, and what were her limits. She never regretted trying.

I agree with you, any random therapist is not qualified to give you a diagnosis or rule one out. You'd need to be assessed by someone who specialises in the field, if that is what you wish. Why don't you tell your family you want to go to university, and if you run into problems, you'll contact the student health services?

Whether your family is right about you or not is rather beside the point. You'll need to be able to live independently, NT or autistic, because your family won't live forever.

1 of them was male and 2 of them were female. They each, of course, had distinct personalities, but the friendships just did not last for a variety of reasons. I drifted apart from them over time.

I know that I need to take care of myself and my mom knows that, but nobody believes I will be able to do it. The rest of my family pressure her into not letting me cook, work, and drive. In reality, I don't call my family, spend time with them, and I have given up telling them about my life. All they are to me at this point are a means of transportation. My mom is SLIGHTLY better than the rest of them, but she is pretty heavily influenced by her grandma and dad. My mom works long hours, I spend most of my time home alone, I take care of the apartment, and I live off of leftovers she makes/noodles/sandwiches.

You tell them that I just cleaned my bathroom, did 4 loads of laundry, and vacuumed? They will think I am lying.

Going to university isn't a question, but there may be a degree of disagreement as to where they want me to go and where I want to go. A few of them want me to go to the local school and "live at home with family support", but I want to distance myself (my top choice school is over an hour away from home).

I know I will be able to make it on my own, but I am just having so much trouble dealing with this negativity and having "my disorder" shoved down my throat all the time. I want show my hot head side to these people, but I know that will end badly for me. My patience is running thin.

nice

You may have to go to a local college. Think long term not short term.

It'll be 3years and then you'll be qualified to go further afield and new doors will be open to you.

I've done college supporting myself and living alone. It's actually not easy.

I've been to that local university before and I hated it. Its my decision to make as to where I go, not my great grandma's or great aunt's. If it was a matter of financial troubles then I could understand, but my mom has actually remained rather independent in this and wants me to go to my top choice school. I am just at my wits end with hearing people who hardly see me and hardly know me say what they think is best for me.

You know that once you turn 18, your family doesn't control you, right? You can make your own decisions. If you can find other funding for college besides your parents/family (scholarships, grants, working, loans) and self-fund, you can choose where you go and what you study. It would be hard, but you seem like a resourceful person. Right now they can limit you, but if you can find a way to support yourself financially, they do NOT control you once you are 18, finish highschool, and move out.....

I've attempted to look into some of these, but I can't demonstrate financial need so this knocks out practically every option. My testing anxiety knocks out any chances at earning a merit scholarship. I just hope I can keep my mom on my side with the university I want to be at. What I am more concerned about are things like driving. I live in a very suburban area with no public transit. A 35 minute car ride is the standard. Everyone gets around here with cars. I am almost 18, but nobody (mom, grandma, grandpa, other grandpa, great grandma, great aunt, step grandma, etc) wants me anywhere near the driver's seat because they see me as "emotionally unstable". I can't even get them to buy me drivers lessons and none of my friends are willing to help me. If I want to support myself completely, then I need to be able to drive. I don't know what to do.

Learning to cook? That is what the internet is for. Learning to do hardcore cleaning? That is what the internet is for.

Do you have any kind of diagnosis? If you can provide proof of your anxiety, you may be able to get accommodations for the merit scholarship testing.

What kind of proof do you need that you are an independent student? I was an independent student and I didn't have to show any proof; I just filled in the correct part of the FAFSA for financial aid. You can also call your preferred college's financial aid office and explain the situation if your mother won't pay for your education.

What happens when you try to cook or clean? If your family won't let you cook or clean, why not cook a huge meal or clean a whole room when you are by yourself to prove you can do it?

Do you have or can you get a bicycle? While your mom is out working, you could secretly go to a part-time job. You can sometimes find cheap bikes at garage sales, thrift stores, or on craigslist.com, or ask to borrow a friend's bike.

Have you tried telling your mother that you may seem autistic because she has been limiting you and your early school experience was traumatic? Have you tried challenging her to get you evaluated for autism? If a psychologist says you don't have it, that might help you.

Why do they think you are emotionally unstable? It's not just "autism". There will be something they have observed.

I'm concerned with people encouraging you to do something drastic that you actually might not be ready for.

We don't actually know you.

To get more freedom from your family you'll need to prove yourself with actions more than words.

I am not allowed to get a diagnosis because my family doesn't believe in anxiety disorders. They think anti depressants/anti anxiety meds are for pill popping junkies.

For FASFA, there is a certain list of qualifications that you need to fit to be independent. I don't fit any of them, plus I am listed on her tax return as dependent. https://www.fastweb.com/financial-aid/a ... nt-student

They will hide the cleaning items from me, make me stop, or do it for me. My mom is a little better in that she will let me do most cleaning (as long as I don't touch her stuff). Nobody will leave me enough food to cook them a huge meal. The best thing I can make is ground beef for tacos.

I was never allowed to ride a bike growing up. My grandpa finally brought me one when I was 15 and I just couldn't ride it. He took the bike back and is convinced autism is why I can't ride it.

When I went through elementary school, I did try a few times to reach out, but I was told to, "stop being a drama queen." I practically begged to transfer schools, but after so many tries you just give up. Even to this day, few believe me in what happened. Just my middle school teachers who helped me and my best friend who went through it too. My mom is convinced nothing happened and I was being dramatic for attention.

In everyone else's eyes, my great aunt with a doctorate in education is qualified enough to diagnose autism.