I can't handle it -VS- I don't want to

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Can't Handle It.
I'm the kind of person who accepts challenges either because I can handle them, or because I don't know yet.
When I say I'm not sure I can handle it, or if I try to get out of doing something, it's because it may cause more stress than I can handle. It's easy for me to be convinced that I can handle something and overwork myself.
I am capable of- and willing to do- anything that doesn't cause me appreciable harm in some way.

Just Don't Want To.
I guess it only recently occurred to me that the vast majority of people tend to be able to do things, but they just decide that they don't want to. It seems terribly (illogical?/unreasonable?/irrational?) to me that someone would arbitrarily decide to not like something even though it doesn't harm them physically or mentally. I can't identify with this rationale, although it occurs to me now that most of the instances that I've observed refusal in others is because of this.

Of course, there are other reasons, like obeying the laws of physics, and choosing one option over another, but let's exclude them.

I'd like to know which of the two reasons people here tend to refuse to cooperate.

I think it's important to make a clear distinction between the two reasons. I've found it very challenging to convince people that I want to do whatever I am asked, but I have to refuse because it could hurt me too much.

I always viewed them as the same because when I can't handle something, I don't want to do it or it's too stressful and I hate anxiety and I have had breakdowns before when I did push myself to do something. If there is something I cannot handle, I don't want to do it because why would I want to do something if I can't handle it? That makes no sense.

But let's see here, when someone says they can't handle it, I interpret it as its too stressful for them so they don't want to do it because it's too much. When someone says they don't want to do it, I interpret that as they just want to be lazy and are choosing to not do it. Yeah those two sentences do change the meaning. If someone couldn't handle something and just said "I don't want to do it" instead of "I can't handle this" then people would think the person is being lazy or choosing to not do it because of the wrong words the person used.

I think I have the problem mostly because people tend to ask me in only one way "do you want to?" So it doesn't occur to me to say whether I can or not, just to say whether I want to or not. Then they think I've made an arbitrary choice, when I actually did an analysis about whether I could handle it or not. If I change my mind, they think I am just fickle, when I actually tried to do it but found out that I couldn't handle it.

To you. Most people most of the time saying they can't mean they don't want to. I think the average person doesn't ask for the impossible, they ask for what they think is possible. It's when the other person has autism or learning disability or physical or mental illness that they can't do what's expected and leads to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Hard for me to express this.

I don't like to sweat, but once I am sweating, it doesn't bother me.

At the gym, it's a daily thing. Something about getting those clean/dry clothes sweaty bothers me. Once it's happened, it stops bothering me.

So, I force myself to get over the "Just don't want to" because the "Can't handle it" ends once it's confronted.


Similar issue with why I chose not to practice law. I thought I'd love it or at least enjoy it. The need to be constantly focused and remember all these critical issues quickly overwhelmed me.

So, again, "Can't handle it" kicked in. More so, I didn't see a single thing of value that made me want to pursue the career any farther which OUTWEIGHED all the negatives I had encountered. So, there's also a "Just don't want to" factor as well.

Some would say if you confront the "Can't handle it" and ease into the operation, you'd deal with it and not be able to justify "Just don't want to." However, the cost, time and effort to begin practicing law is massive. Too much just to give it a try and see if I can overcome what seems insurmountable from my limited experience.

I know I didn't mind working in a legal environment HELPING a lawyer (mostly secretarial stuff), but I could not stand having the stress and weight of cases placed on my shoulders.

It's difficult for me to know if "I don't want to" or genuinely need more assistance, and have real trouble expressing that.

For me it depends on the situation, there are a lot of times I don't exactly not want to do things but doing so is too much stress...sometimes I might even avoid a fun activity if I feel too worn out and like it would overwhelm me. Then there are times someone might want me to do something un-necessary that I don't feel like doing not that I cant I just don't want to I am sure everyone is guilty of that at times.

I have a hard time knowing whether something will overstress me before I do it... usually I get a huge anxiety attack right before I'm about to do something I may have even told myself I was perfectly okay doing at the time I agreed to it (vicious lies!). For example I volunteered to work at a different store that I haven't worked before... this is the 3rd time I have bailed out of it and not shown up, 1st time I just didn't go and made excuses, 2nd time my store needed me (thank God), this last time I called up sick because I actually was from stress.

I would love to be able to just do stuff.... without the stress, the worrying about what's gonna happen, etc. I know I have this disorder Generalized Anxiety that makes this stuff worse.

I also have a hard time asking for help, knowing when I need help, etc.

For me there is a lot of gray area between "can't" and "don't want to." There are some things I "can" do if I really push myself hard enough but the consequences of pushing myself are not worth it.

I take pride in pushing myself. Now I don't mean to denigrate anyone else but it is my personal ethic that I want to and try to be at exceptional at anything I do. Of course I don't meet up to that ethic, god knows I fall pretty short sometimes, but I don't want to shoot for anything else. "Don't want to" and "can't handle" are parts of my vocabulary that hurt my ego. I know I have my limitations and I know there are things I can't handle, but unlike some people who just accept that to "save themselves", I often don't accept it to "save myself".

I'm reminded of the first job I got at a logging site: working a huge overgrown forklift. Even though I had no idea how to operate one I BS'ed my way into the job and just asked folks over the CB radio how to do it. Somehow I made it through the first week and that's what I did for a couple of years.