Asking a senior guy with Aspergers to junior prom?

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Hello Wrong Planet community members! I am new to this website, I do not have Aspergers syndrome(but can be socially inhibited/introverted), and joined because I wanted to gain some perspective from those who have Aspergers syndrome.

I am currently a junior and attend an art high school, where many of us are somewhat socially awkward, and there aren't many guys who attend(only about 1/4 of the school is guys). I would like to have a date to junior prom next month, and am considering asking this senior guy with Aspergers who sits next to me in math class to junior prom.

I don't have a crush or infatuation with him, but I do like him enough to go to prom with, and I think he would be a good date. I talk to him quite a bit in math class every other day and have vaguely known him since I was a freshman. I'm afraid to ask him because he might not like me enough or might rather stay home and play Dungeons and Dragons/watch tv than go to prom.

So the question is... Do you think he would go to prom with me? How would you respond/react if you were in this situation? Any tips on how to ask him?

I couldn't tell you what he'd prefer to do, he has his own personality.

I don't know if I'd say yes or no. I did go to my school prom, but I went with no-one, left with no-one, nobody spoke to me, and someone purposely spilled a glass of coke all over my dress.
Everyone was invited to a party at one of the kids houses, since they could fit all the people in their big house and garden, but I wasn't, and a few other unpopular weird kids.

I wish I stayed at home.

There is a saying when you have met one person with Autism you have met one person with Autism.

Most of us on this board share traits to different levels and my autism is in an area on the spectrum that use to be diagnosed as Aspergers Syndrome.

Apart from that I have a highly individual free will and without knowing you I do not know how Iwould answer.

I know this is not the answer you wanted but I am honestly trying to give you the best answer I can.

Ask him or don't ask him he will either say yes or no.

I don't know what kind of prom you're attending but proms can be more then likely a living hell for anyone with aspergers.



There is a 99% chance he won't like it. Those environments are terrible for people with aspergers. If you really like the guy then go do something in a much less crowded/noisier place.



Just remember that aspies don't like noisey places with a lot of people because it can cause sensory overload with them.



He may just do it to make you happy but he sure will be miserable in the process because of all the noise.

To the original poster it was me who voted no this was out of a sense of annoyance at you poll and not at you.

Your poll should have included the not sure or don't know option.

Well, sheesh, if you like the guy, ask him! It's a junior prom, not a marriage proposal. Aspie or not, it sounds like you're quite attracted to him (perhaps in a platonic "I want to be friends" way, but certainly attracted), and you should get to know him.

That is, if someone hasn't snapped him up already. Get in there and ask before he's taken!

Hope he says yes! Good luck!

It wouldn't hurt to ask and if he says no, he says no. If he says yes, he says yes.

Just ask "Do you want to go to prom with me?" or ask him if he is going to prom or not or interested in going and if he says yes, then ask him.

I have been asked to prom once and kids were asking me if I was going or not and when a guy asked me to go with him and I did. I remember not being interested but I got pressured to go and I had fun.

Ask him. You'll only get one of the two clear answers: yes or no. Guys, aspie guys especially, don't usually do the whole hemming and hawing, "maybe later", "I'll think about it" kind of thing. So he'll come out and tell you. HOWEVER, be crystal-clear about your intentions of going to the prom with him. If you only like him as a friend, say that you'd like to go as friends. If you find him attractive (for a point of reference, ask yourself if you'll enjoy kissing him), be clear about that too. There's nothing more hurtful to an aspie guy than a girl pretending to like him when he doesn't, even when in reality, it's a simple case of misunderstood actions.

I know I wanted to go to the prom when I was a senior, but had one major problem: not having a car. In my high school, girls only liked guys with cars. No girl liking me = no date. No date = no prom. Again, in my high school, going stag was OK for girls but not for guys. Your gentleman friend here is doing exponentially better than I did, car be damned. Although in retrospect, I probably wouldn't enjoy the prom, since all the popular people, including those who hated my guts, would be there for sure.

When you ask him make it clear that you are asking him as a friend and that you think he would be fun to go with. It would avoid awkwardness later.

I don't understand the whole culture.

I would suggest checking if there is going to be an outdoor area where he could get away from the crowds and noise. I know that helped me get through most of the piss-up at the end of Y11. That way, if he says he doesn't want to go because of the noise, you can casually let him know that there is a quiet area (but don't say "that won't be a problem because...", just say it as a matter of fact).

^This! Just ask him! Worse thing that could happen is he could say no. Best thing would be yes. Worse yet is if you don't, you'll probably regret not having asked for a long time. Looking back because of my shyness and ASD, this happened to me and I regret having not asked some girls out back in school. You always are left wondering, WHAT IF?

Perfectly happy on my own
bouts of loneliness but you know... meh
Everyone is different, spectrumer or not

My vote is
do what you feel comfortable with
but
try to think about if you will regret it

Hell yeah I would have said yes at that time in my life! Probably would have thought to myself "well I guess there is some hope after all". Of course, others have and will point out that people on the spectrum can just be disinterested when it comes to this or extremely choosy. But when I was that age I craved that kind of attention, all the more so because I didn't even know if I could have it.

And even if he does say no, you may very well be doing him a big favor by inserting the thought into his mind (which seems to be correct given your intentions), that women really are interested in him and that he could even be a love object. Some of us who really wanted to give intimacy, romance, flirting, etc. a try feel/felt as if we weren't even a possible love object to someone else. As you can well imagine, that can practically send someone into an existential crisis.

Your in the same class and aspies often relate to much younger people better so that in my opinion makes it OK to bridge the age difference and go with him. Here is the thing, sure there is a good chance he may not like prom or some parts of prom however I don't think its a good thing to be shielding people with Aspergers from life experiences based on stereotypes of the disorder, its only one day and the knowledge of being genuinely asked to go even if he ends up saying no or disliking it is still good for confidence or at least it would have been for me I think had someone asked(sadly no one ever did). So please ask him if you genuinely want him to go with you, just don't ask him if you only pity him I think.

Also make sure he knows what your intentions are with him as going to prom with him may lead him to think you are now his girlfriend or that there is reason to target you for that purpose, I can see issues arising here if not made clear from close to the beginning as he may not know the difference. Clear communication is so important in these situations.

This was effectively my experience as well. I had not intended to go to prom, but some of my friends, and my favourite teacher, persuaded me to go because it would be a one-time opportunity that I would regret missing out on later. I borrowed a dress from one of my friends and had intended to go with her and her friends, but she didn't communicate the details effectively and wanted to leave way earlier than I would be ready for, so she left without me. My parents of course were tremendously excited at the thought of their weird social recluse going to a dance of her own volition, so they spent hours on my hair and taking pictures, which, while flattering and nice to know they cared, was tedious and time-consuming. My mom dropped me off at about eleven in her minivan, and the minute I got inside I was bombarded with eardrum-shattering music. I hung around on the outskirts for a while trying to work out what to do, and eventually joined in the dancing, but I only stayed an hour because the noise and chaos was overwhelming. The night wasn't a total disaster, and I got a few decent cupcakes out of it, but if I had known what it was going to be like before I started, I probably wouldn't have bothered going.

As for the boy you like, I'm sure he, like many aspies, would be thrilled to have you ask him, just for the sake of feeling like someone notices and cares enough to ask. I would go for it and just see what happens.

Thanks you all for the responses! I think I will go ahead and ask him in the next few weeks, for now I'll just continue talking to him as usual. Although I do think i think of him more as a friend(and think he'd feel the same), if something came out if this I would certainly give it a chance.