How do you deal with people not "believing" you, e

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I find people often go straight to the conclusion that I'm talking twaddle, but then will NOT listen to the science, theories and the journey I took to make that conclusion, and its always sooo frustrating that their minds are so closed! They "know" me as a creative type, even though I excelled at all subjects at school, and this means they dismiss my extremely logical side, and never listen to anything scientific

How do you deal with this? have you got other "friends" to debate with, or are you happy just being "real" on the internet?

I recently have tried VERY hard to open up to people so i can allow them to help me, instead of constantly having to lie about what Ive been doing. I cant help indulging in my special interests, but they think I "should get on with something productive", even though they are generally supportive when i struggle with things. They dont understand that I need my "research" or alone time or i'll function even worse than normal, and that I need to debate about everything important, or I'll explode.

Since my mum has worked in mental health, including child development, for 20 years and all of my family have Aspie "traits" in some way or another, I thought I'd easily be able to explain why I feel I have the autism genes/symptoms and for them to have the same "oh my god, you're right, it explains all of your problems and strengths" reaction as I had.

But all they can say is "you don't want a label", "everyone thinks like that sometimes", "you're looking too far into it" (how IS that even possible? The human species would never have achieved anything!) or "You're nothing like the autistic people I work with". They wont listen when I say "that's because all the diagnoses have been made with the extreme MALE brain as a framework", and "if you look at what autism really IS, what brain-connection-making processes are involved, then you'll get a clearer picture of what it is". When I get frustrated I get accused of sounding preachy or very condescending, but how can they all be so stupid and closed-off? :/ x

I learned about the "intense world" theory of autism last year, and it fits my personal experience very well. Yesterday I found What is autism in another thread on WrongPlanet.net

It sounds like you are already familiar with this research, the connectivity of the brain and so on. That link summarizes autism very well and in a way to not label it as a pathology.

As for answering the question you ask in the title of this thread, I basically don't care how other people react. A long time ago I learned that what interests most people bores me and vice versa, and that when I start talking about one of my special interests I lose my audience pretty quickly. So I am more reticient now than when I was younger, but still willing to share what knowledge or insights I have for anyone willing to listen.

Again, welcome to WrongPlanet.net!

ps. I (only sometimes) wish I didnt have such a massive strength in "acting", as it is now causing me problems in getting the help I need. It is making me look like I am "pretending" to be the person that I really am- extremely intelligent and wise in certain ways.

I've previously said to my family "I dont act so child-like with anyone else, I just have to relax around you and "be myself". Theyre willing to accept the childish part that needs help with organising or dances around etc. but can't accept the adult who knew/knows more than them. Maybe its quite hard to think that your child has been right about important things that you couldnt "see" as an apparently intelligent adult, when theyve "worked hard in the REAL world for 30+ years", have "far more experience" etc. They cant accept that maturity in me, because they wont let me "prove" it. If I cant prove it, how far should I continue with the "dumb" act so as not to stir up trouble or make them think I think Im superior or patronising?

"As for answering the question you ask in the title of this thread, I basically don't care how other people react. A long time ago I learned that what interests most people bores me and vice versa, and that when I start talking about one of my special interests I lose my audience pretty quickly. So I am more reticient now than when I was younger, but still willing to share what knowledge or insights I have for anyone willing to listen." -

Bicyclingguitarist I feel like I dont care, but I think as a woman there are lots of expectations and inbuilt wiring in us to be nice/kind/self-sacrificing etc. Ive taken this to extremes and feel as though it is my "responsibility" to change the world, to open people's minds and to care for everyone else more than I care for myself, to the point where its self-harm. I guess I'll have to focus my frustrations on people who are already willing to listen, and wait for the rest of them to catch up lol

you're in the "real" world too. it's just that your brain is wired differently than most people's so you experience it differently than most other people. Notice I said differently, not better or worse.

As you have discovered, there are advantages and disadvantages to having an autistic brain.

I don't know how much you should play dumb to please other's expectations. I am just myself all the time no matter what (and who else can I be anyway?) but then, I suck socially and have never had any friends so maybe if I had played dumb maybe I would have more people in my life.

OTOH, so many people are so stupid and mean that I don't miss not having them in my life! Most people seem fairly all right though. I am a decent person by choice to try to balance those people who choose to be the opposite way.

Unless you are Sagan, Hawkins, or Suzuki fascinating, do not hold me hostage for 10 mins with a wall of worlds.

Do you engage in a conversation or is more blog like with

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You started talking about slime mold, and end on Pulsars.

Majority of people, who are interested in a topic, stop actively listening after 10 minutes. That is if they have no opportunity to engage with the person talking. Even sooner if they are "just trying to be polite."

My Aspie husband does this information dump all the time. He has lost friends over it. I've let him ramble for two hours just to see when exhaustion would set in. In that two hours, I got to speak about 5 minutes total. That is a sentence here or there.

I found out from him, the person is on the other end is meaningless during these conversations. He mostly is talking out loud to gel thoughts in his head. It's like talking a blog out loud. DH is getting better, because our kid will tell him, "Gotta go, Dad, brain's stuffed".

The other problem is my husband doesn't care about other people. There is no small talk, because he's terrible at it, and why should he care if you are having a bad day? Nothing he can do about it. So all his person to person talk is about interests, facts, data points, personal observations on the world. Nothing personal or connecting. So people avoid him.

Now I know he cares very deeply about people, but from his conversations you'd never know it.

I think its more how you are delivering the information, than the topic. You may have some delightful observations, but are turning everyone off by how you say it.

it does seem that "you don't want a label" "everyone thinks like this sometimes" is quite a common answer, I have the same problem, especially with the label one, neither of my parents realise that its important for me to know, I need to have a reason for things, it makes me happy, they just don't get it.


when it comes to people listening and taking an interest in what i am interested in, the problem definitely is the extent to which i get interested in something and the extent everyone else gets interested in something.

e.g. Not long ago I was talking to someone who said they loved harry potter, so I started talking about harry potter, now I would have gone on for at least an hour about Snape, or Dumbledore and the intentions of them in the books for example but the person was not interested, I took the word "love" to mean interested to the extent I am which is not true apparently, not one person I have met is willing to talk that long about a subject I like, so I have come to the conclusion that usually people don't get as obsessed as I do about things.

I am also somewhat blessed to have some friends that are willing to listen to me go on about my latest obsession, I think you need to learn not to care to much if they are not that interested, as friends to some extent its their job to make you happy and if that means listening to a tangent on the Da Vinci Code then that's what they do, I do the same for my friends like if they want to talk about boys they like.

Unless you are Sagan, Hawkins, or Suzuki fascinating, do not hold me hostage for 10 mins with a wall of worlds.

I think the problem is that I am as interesting as hawkins to some, because a lot of people have no interest in him whatsoever, or anything else that doesnt seem to "effect" them for that matter. They are the boring ones!

Do you engage in a conversation or is more blog like with

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This is how I think, definitely haha, but until my early 20s I had "mastered" conversation and could use it well to affect others. I know you cant tell from the way Ive posted on here, but I ask the other person a lot of questions, because I'm especially interested in them, and where they "come from". I was very shy usually, then decided to put on an act because I got positive results when I'd been more outgoing, but i knew/know how to get a balance between questions and information, with most people anyway. I could "read" people well, so used that. It is only recently that this process of filtering has become exhausting, maybe because the young, lively "character" or "personality" I conveyed was no longer deemed appropriate and there was too much to learn about being "mature"- why did they care about seeming "mature" anyway? It meant their approach to life was immature. I'd always felt mature, but other people's maturity seemed to grow outwardly and i couldn't learn quick enough all the nuances of how im "supposed" to act.

For example, when someone gives me something, I automatically say "thankyoo" in a high-pitched tone, because Ive always been uncomfortable about how to accept gifts and compliments and as a child, and found this was a cheery, effective response. This obviously comes across as a bit weird because I'm now 28. I can say "thankyou" appropriately, but it takes too much effort/brain activity, so I cant when I'm stressed or unsure.

My Aspie husband does this information dump all the time. He has lost friends over it. I've let him ramble for two hours just to see when exhaustion would set in. In that two hours, I got to speak about 5 minutes total. That is a sentence here or there

You are very patient! My boyfriend just loves not talking, just listening and thinking, so it works well for us haha. I still manage to exhaust him occasionally. He's really not into the intricacies of childbirth, thats for sure. Luckily my school friends are all having babies so they want my info instead!

Wow he had must've had the wrong friends though. No wonder he thinks people aren't worth putting the effort in for. I think I've been so lucky that where I live there's a small but very creative "subculture", who all ended up meshing their tiny friendship groups and going to the same pubs/clubs as teens. They were goths, skaters, computer geeks, artists; anyone who felt "different" i guess. I got to meet lots of people who think more like me and they ARE interested talking about most subjects, at length, and they can have conversations that go off on massive tangents. In groups, each of these people "inputs" their slice of life experience or knowledge, and we all get something from it. This is often in the form of "have you seen the new documentary about...? I'll put it on" Then we discuss is afterwards. Your hubby might benefit from actively trying to find these people with the same "brain type" and obsessive interests as him, who will endlessly WANT to talk about similar subjects. As long as he relaxes about them going off on their tangents he'll find it v rewarding and realise that he's not as bad with "friends" as he thinks. You can obviously see his positive side better than most- are your friends quite accepting of quirkiness etc too?

We also seem to make lots of friends from other countries/cities, who we can meet up with when we go away. Maybe the next time you go away, you could suggest going when/where a conference is happening in his field of interest. Even if you don't go with him, there will be lots of people who will really appreciate his knowledge and will want to listen to him "drone" on- could be a positive social experience for him?

That last comment was for tawaki, sorry. Too much brain space to re-learn the quote thing lol.