wp getting annoying

Post Reply New Topic

I have been here for only a few months. Most of the times I love WP but I start to realize it is really annoying. Those rather common attitudes:
1 - "we're so special, we're so rational, we're so intelligent" and "those stupid, annoying, social-driven nt's" and "we're a special evolutional advantage, the next step"
2- "it's everyone's fault I am feeling lonely and depressed. I spend all day playing in the computer and never try to get out of my room or get out of my comfort zone, and I expect everyone to adjust to myself and my behavior... But, well, friends and opportunities are supposed to fall in my lap"
3 - and all those very repetitive theories and ideas that we discuss in a topic one day and in the next there are 3 more equal topics popping up.

is it just me? Am I being unfair here? And you veterans, how do you deal with it?

EDIT: I am going to clarify point 2 because there has been some misunderstand. when people come here lonely or sad I want to help them, but what bothers me is when they are feeling so and blame everyone else for it, despite the fact that they don't do any effort themselves.

Last edited by linatet on 08 Mar 2014, 1:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I know what you mean, but people come here to relate to others who are in a similar position.

That is why they talk about the difficult time they have in real life.

It's hard for people to find similar people in real life to trust enough to be able to talk about their anxieties.

Sometimes it might come across as being a bit negative but this place is the only place for many people to go where they feel safe enough to express themselves.

I think you just have to be patient. I don't think you are being selfish.

No, you're not being unfair and a lot of WP members need a large dose of reality.

Aspies are supposed to be good at science and engineering, aspies are supposed to crave order in all things, and if only board posters would USE these skills then we wouldn't see so many repeat posts on the board. Once I found out that I had AS I treated it as a challenge and found out as much as I could about the condition, I then used my skills to make life a little more comfortable and, at the same time, stopped doing things where I didn't have the skill or the social ability.

Special? Intelligent? The next step? No, we're just a bunch of folk who have their brains wired a bit differently

Lonely? Depressed? Then find some way to slowly leave your comfort zone, possibly with some medical or social help, and get out there to explore the big wild world until you find your niche.

Don't know how to approach a member of the opposite sex that you like? Start by reading the last 1000 posts on the same subject in the Love & Dating section. After that take a deep breath and try something, then learn from your failure, alter your approach and try again.

Wrong Planet is an amazing resource for the AS community but we're not here to hold your hand.

I'm already starting to lose interest in WP. I joined a few years ago, but I never got active until recently. I'm starting to get active in the social anxiety forums. I tried to get active on the add forums, but 99% of the threads are related to medication.

The below is all generalization and by no means applies to all or any particular individuals, but I tend to "deal with" certain behaviors that I find confusing, annoying, or counter-productive by attempting to analyze them from a psychological or functional point-of-view; often, "annoying" behaviors attempt to meet some need, and I try to find out what that need is so that I better understand the behavior.

It seems that the trend expressed in 1. comes from a need to build self-and-group esteem. Many people on this forum have been ostracized, bullied, and otherwise treated poorly because of their differences, and some of those individuals use the aforementioned mindset as an attempt to protect themselves from further psychological harm; they portray this "we're better than them" mantra to counter all of the voices (figurative and literal) telling them otherwise.

2. stems from the desire to "have one's cake and eat it, too" ; people tend to want to maximize their comfort. Change and stepping out of one's comfort zone can be very frightening for some of these individuals; changing could very well mean expending so much energy that there's none left to actually attempt conversations or relationships. However, these individuals still want companionship and life opportunities; thus, they seek for ways that involve little change (and, thus, little energy expansion) but that allow for their goals to be met (which would involve, as you said, these things "falling into their lap").

As for 3., many of these theories have not been "settled," and many WPers are the type that prefer to "settle" things; thus, repeated discussion ensues in an attempt to "figure it out."

Also, what babybird said.

I agree with the first point, and the second to an extent. I really dislike how there seems to be a belief that NTs don't have to put in any effort to get anything, that life is so easy for them. It isn't. NTs have a great many struggles as well and their brains are far from the perfect design many make it out to be. I believe it's part of the reason behind the 'Aspie fad' that is known to exist.. adolescents having a difficult time feel as if they have no explanation for their behaviour unless they have a disorder. I don't intend to sound rude, but if you're autistic, then someone can understand why you behave in such ways unless they're highly ignorant. If you are an NT with no 'reason' for your behaviour, then you're going to be in a pretty rough situation. To relate that back to the second point, there are NTs that struggle just as much a person with AS does in social situations (though maybe in different ways), and the way they improve their life is by breaching their comfort zones. I do however understand that for many with severe sensory issues, it may not be possible to get out there and take on opportunities. Perhaps a strong resistance to change would make it more difficult too, though I can't comment on that.

In general I don't like how there are so many assumptions being thrown around about NTs. If you don't like being stereotyped based on your autism, why throw it back the other way? It seems very hypocritical to me.

Some handholding is fine--this is a support site after all. It's not obligatory, but not unacceptable either.

A lot of what I see I just contribute to youth, or a lack of real world experience. I agree with your message, but I also realize that some "challenges" may be more daunting.

I find it annoying for other reasons. Some people are very judgmental or critical of others. Even if it's not directed at me personally, I get tired of seeing it and being around it. It's not a supportive environment.

I remember many years ago, the therapist that diagnosed me and I were having a conversation, and I expressed how disappointed I was in group settings in relation to third point the OP brougt up.

Pretty much said to me that it was in my Aspie trait that if there was something I wanted to contribute to a conversation, I needed to say it. But there are many others around during the conversation that would smoothly flow into the next topic of conversation without me getting to say what I wanted about the previous topic. So my attitude, as the therapist described it, was "wait a minute guys, we need to go back and finish this f*****g conversation." This in turn would annoy those in group settings as they felt the conversation was over and we moved on.

Something tells me that might have something to do with point number three the OP made.

Not even gonna comment on the first two points.

I'm not quite invisible and ignored as I am in the real world. So I find it more supportive overall. People get mad at each other and at me sometimes here, but I can run away if necessary.

One thing I notice that's confusing me is that we write about being individuals not having a pack mentality. But if someone takes offense to something someone else writes, often others will follow and post similarly negative comments. It's just confusing to me why that happens. But when it does, certain individuals tend sometimes to write things that steer away from the negativity. So they change the subject. I get scared when I see that happening of being in the middle of an argument I know nothing about, I'm not sure they even notice.

It's confusing how people follow each other in being negative to someone though. I'm not sure they notice?

I was going to post a Wrong Planet pet hates thread, but then I thought it would be too controversial and probably would be another thread I'd have deleted.

But yes the things you listed really annoy me as well. All the NT bashing, all the special snowflake-kind of posts, all the "I always thought I was so different to everyone else" <--- if that thought process means you're autistic, then nearly everyone is, because so many people think the exact same way.

All the posts linking personality traits to autism. All the posts that for some inexplicable reason relate shyness and introversion to autism.

It does get annoying. And yes, the self-defeatism, and not wanting to go out of your comfort zone. 99% of human beings do things out of their comfort zone, if it was up to me I'd stay in all day, but I don't want to live my life like that. And I know I'm going to have to put myself, sometimes, in situations that are out of my comfort zone. Of course there are things you shouldn't have to do, but everyone in society pushes themselves.

And the romanticism of autism does annoy me too. And the incessant us v them attitude.


And another thing that annoys me is that whenever a person posts an incredibly vague thread about possibly being on the spectrum, all the posters who reply encourage that person to think they're autistic. Even when the OP doesn't think so themselves.

Yup. One thing I find I still struggle with, despite the apparent absence of my autism, is how in conversations with 2 or more people I can get my word in; I always struggle to find the pauses, but the pauses always getting taken by someone else. I then start to see the conversation drift away from what I wanted to say, and in desperation and frustration interject aggressively, making my point.

The thing I hate the most what goes on on WP is the contradictions. Over a year ago I read in a lot of different threads that NTs have better peripheral vision than Autistics, and that made me feel like I had learnt something here. Then some time last year a thread sprung up saying something about Autistics having more peripheral vision than NTs, and everyone who posted was like ''yeah, I have good peripheral vision'', and then it suddenly was settled that ''we'' have better peripheral vision than ''them'', and I was all confused. And I hate being confused.

That's just one example.

It's pretty much every other forum of "different" people who think they're the only ones who stand out and are disliked. It might be the fault of cisgenders, men, women, neurotypicals, people who aren't blind, people who aren't therian/otherkin/furry, heterosexuals, homosexuals, people who don't have depression, Western culture, or any of a hundred other things. The complaint might be that we're alien, but these attitudes about as mundane as they come and I've never seen them progress beyond having a whinge.

Funny. The range of villains according to the Internet encompasses pretty much all of society.

Last edited by coffeebean on 08 Mar 2014, 12:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I really hate that as well. It's like they worship this diagnosis. Autism is becoming the new ADHD. In ten years or so there we will probably hear more from people who were misdiagnosed with autism.

It seems to me to be just another case of human beings wanting the simplest, most general answer possible. I see it elsewhere, too.

It's always funny because favorite traits to be linked to everything from diagnosis to MBTI include being smarter, more insightful, a more independent thinker, and less prone to fallacy.



I don't even understand what things like group esteem are beyond what I've read in textbooks, though I know I observe it all the time. I've never felt the desire to attach to a group, raise my group up, compete for group status, or compete with other groups. I've never felt that a group is "like me" because we share a diagnosis, a skin color, or a religion (or lack thereof).

The only things I know how to do are protect the functionality of an office that does good things for the world and has been kind to me, talk to more than one person at a time, or talk to people about a topic that's brought us all to the same place.

I wonder if there's more to me than autism. Either way, I find the best social and life help from websites written by NTs and an older NT friend who struggled with the emotional/social aspect of life in youth, not WP.

Last edited by coffeebean on 08 Mar 2014, 12:53 pm, edited 4 times in total.