How is this offensive?

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I was on facebook and someone posted in a aspie group he is so glad he has the mildest case there is and some took offense to it. This is an example of what I mean by people getting offended over anything and for no reason. I just don't see anything to be offended about and I can't see what is so wrong with being glad you don't have moderate AS or severe AS or have it as bad as others with it. That is like me saying I am so glad I don't have a baby in the NICU and it offends other moms. I would be like "what?" What about saying "I am so glad I was not there when it happened" (referring to a car accident that occurred on the freeway and there was a big wreck and people were stuck on the freeway for hours because they had no way of getting off) or being glad your cancer was only mild.

Does anyone else understand? Would this offend you too if someone said it, if so why?

I just find that attitude (about "mild" AS) to be smug, self-righteous and dense, and it usually comes from someone whose Aspergian behaviors are much more obvious and pronounced than they realize.

It's like a guy with one leg telling a guy with no legs how he's going to win the pole vault, because "I'm not as handicapped as you are."

In these situations, I would not at all be offended, as I would also be glad that their circumstances were milder than mine.

That being said, some individuals may be offended not out of this being the "wrong" response but out of it not being the "right" response. The "right" response to someone having a more severe circumstance than oneself is to express empathy or concern for the other person: "Oh, I'm so sorry about your newborn! I hope that she's okay!" or "Man, that cancer diagnosis is brutal. I'll be praying for you." By saying, "I'm glad it's not me," you are taking the emphasis away from the other person and putting it on oneself, thus appearing, at that moment, selfish.

With the AS situation in particular, it may also be that those with more severe forms of AS feel personally invalidated by the comment; they may feel something along the lines of "Well, I'm doing just fine with my severe Asperger's, thank you very much!" Showing a negative attitude towards severe or moderate AS may be interpreted by some as showing a negative attitude towards those who have severe or moderate AS, thus making the comment feel like a personal attack.

I don't find it that terribly offensive, but I can see how in some contexts people could take offense. For instance say there was a thread about people talking about depression and how much they are struggling and then someone comes in and says 'Oh I am so glad I am not depressed, in fact I think I am going to go out and have fun with some friends.' It could very well come off as bragging and insensitive so its probably the same with that comment of being glad about having very mild autism vs. more severe if people took it in that sort of context. But then of course I wouldn't want someone to feel bad because they don't have it as bad....but its just a matter of context I think.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 25 Mar 2014, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's his opinion, people cant have opinions any more. Someone will get offended and be but hurt about it which is nonsense. I'm glad I don't have a more sever form of Autism; I would also be glad that I had stage I breast cancer instead of stage IV.

Why anyone would get offended by something someone posted on Facebook it totally beyond my comprehension. Sorry i can't help.

There was a campaign in the UK recently trying to raise awareness for pancreatic cancer where a sufferer from the illness (who has since died) states on the poster they wished they had breast cancer instead. This is because the survival rate for breast cancer (and level of public awareness) is so much larger than pancreatic cancer. She was stating that she wished she has a lesser illness, this is almost a reversal of the situation you describe but it caused a great deal offence to some people. People turned to Facebook and Twitter with disgusting, vile, hate filled comments towards the people behind the awareness campaign. I did not understand the problem, it is like saying I wish i had just an broken arm instead of having it amputated. it is just common sense to me. I suppose it could be upsetting if you view it as someone saying i am so glad i am not as bad as you, but. i don't get it. I guess some people just enjoy been offended.

It's offensive because it comes across as selfish and insensitive to people who have it worse.

That. "Oh, my God, I'm so glad I'm not you! Whew! C ya!"

The problem is that you haven't studied the invisible curriculum on this.

Of course you feel that way. Everyone would rather face lesser than greater pain, have a lower chance of death, etc. --but the neurotypicals have learned that it's against the rules to say those things.

Why? Because the thoughts are self-centered. You are supposed to demonstrate that you are other-centered.

When you are talking to people who may be worse off than you, you are expected to show compassion, charity and understanding if you don't want to look like a jerk. One of the ways you show that is by taking the other person's perspective and not making them feel bad. Pointing out that you are in a better position or that there is a better position you wish you were in is seen as bringing attention to just how bad the other person's situation is. So you aren't allowed to do it. It's a social rule like not spitting on the sidewalk or picking your nose in public, even if you need to clear your throat or your nose is itchy.

These people are not stupid, or just enjoying being offended (well, maybe some of them are), they are just part of a system that some have a hard time perceiving.

I don't think it's awful, but celebrating being mild is kind of weird. I think celebrating learning a skill or being able to do something is fine, because it's about the person accomplishing something.

The other issue is that anything that comes from a belief that having autism is a horrible curse can feel hurtful, can feel like an indictment of an integral part of self as defective. So too much about being happy to be mild could seem like to be severe would be horrible. And I can see that point of view, it's just, I don't think it's very respectful towards anyone to go on too much about who is more autistic than who.

^
So for the reasons the posters above gave saying that is socially inappropriate. It makes one look selfish, insensitive, smug ect. ect. but it makes sense that someone with ASD, mild or not, would say it. A lot of people would probably feel the same way but just not be honest about it. The dude with one leg would be happy he isn't as disabled as the dude with no legs but if he had good social skills he wouldn't say so.

I tend to take offence at things people say pretty easily, especially when it comes to comments on illness/disorder - I am working on reducing that because I now realise that loads of the things people say to me, I may well have said to me too if I had the life experience they had and not my life experience, and therefore a lot of the time I find that innocent or intended to be reassuring comments can be interpreted as either offensive or completely fine, depending on how you look at the comment.

In this case, I can see how it could be taken offensively, but I actually find it a nice thing that he has acknowledged how lucky he is for it to be mild. This may be because I have heard so many people argue over 'who has it worse' (random people regarding anything in life) and that really irritates me, so for someone to say 'I am so glad I have the mildest case', I find really refreshing, and good for them!

I wonder how he'd feel if an NT told him they were glad they were just shy, not autistic like him.

Not offended at all, especially as I regard my own aspie symptoms to be on the mild side. Just don't ask me to host a dinner party or eat any weird foreign food.

^This^

Whew! I'm glad I just have ADHD and not AS like the rest of you! Life is so much easier for me! I pity you because your life must be worse than mine.

That's what some people hear in situations like that, particularly if they have become sensitized because of their life experiences. No one likes to be made to feel like they are less than someone else because the other person pointed it out to them.

Now, I can imagine that the person was not at all thinking "Whew!" For all I know he was thinking, "Wow. I have really been self-absorbed and self-pitying with all of the complaining I have been doing. Now that I hear how it is for other people, I realize I should be thankful, not full of self-pity."

Or maybe he wasn't...but I always find it best to try to think of multiple reasons why someone might be saying or doing something.

I wouldn't mind at all. If they said they were shy and probably have AS, I'd roll my eye at them. Here we go again.

I'm glad I have manageable Asperger's because I am capable of having small talk with people, just not for very long. I feel like I'm not as blunt as other people with AS so I don't often offend people or get into unnecessary arguments with people because I understand why they responded the way they did, and though I have routines I can easily change them. It just gives me some relief that I no longer have to struggle as much with some things.

I'm just stating facts. If people find it offensive it's their problem.

Why can't we be glad we're mildly affected? We struggle less and can appreciate that. We're not putting others down. In a way we're empathizing more because we can see how we are differently affected than those people.

My bipolar symptoms aren't as severe as most people's bipolar symptoms and I'm grateful for that because I see them struggling to control the symptoms so much they have to be on meds for the rest of their life. They've been hospitalized too. I've never needed that so when I say I'm glad I don't want to have it worse because I'm thinking about how worse the symptoms could get for me and how that would interfere in my life.