Do you get frustrated about not realizing your potential?

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Ok, I get it, I have a neurological developmental disorder.... I may never really learn social stuff well enough to actually realize my own goals! In fact, at this very moment, my social stuff is the only thing getting in the way of me achieving anything real in this world. My skill level for certain things is extremely high but I lack the self-promotion to get anywhere with it!! !

I honestly feel cursed. I have this great desire to be a lot of cool things and develop myself as a person, etc. Before anyone says I'm depressed, I'm not currently depressed. I'm prone to bouts of depression and anxiety like a lot of us on the spectrum. This is more of an existential thing, how can I develop myself to be able to provide my gifts to the world? Instead it's all locked up inside my head where it's doing no one any good.

Can anyone relate to this?

Yes.

I am also tired of not being normal today. I just want a normal life, doing normal things in normal ways and I'd trade any skill or ability or intellect I have in just to have a happy normal family and do happy normal things instead of being sat here alone arguing on the internet with a the only person who seems to be willing to date me but who is so embroiled in a life of drugs that I don't want to get involved.

Why? Because there is no quality of life there. No future, just an underworld of one problem after the other and god knows how many legal complications with all the illegal s**t on their property.

I don't use anything myself and I like to keep it that way. I don't want to be involved in a life of drugs...its not a world I am comfortable in. I don't belong there.

I may have missed the boat when it comes to others who were interested previously as I fell ill with an abscess at the time and didn't get back to them. What is the limit on time passed when it come to contacting someone to see if they still want to meet up for drink?

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But yes, I feel your frustration. I was getting A grades at Uni once, now I sit here unemployed and friendless.

I am immersing myself in Star Trek Voyager (my favourite) to take my mind off it.

yes, especially the feeling "cursed" part. depends on my mood.

i've been very, very frustrated in terms of my purpose/vocation/whatever. i know i have a lot of ability and haven't been able to apply it effectively due to social limitations and massive anxiety/panic attacks.

however since developing a better understanding of the nature of my difficulties (AS and PTSD), i do feel somewhat more hopeful of finding my niche in the world. part of the problem has been trying to travel the well-worn roads created by NTs. they just don't work for me.

so - do i need to start my own business? do i need to do some volunteering? do i follow up on my love of animals? love of cooking? love of the outdoors? i don't know.

i do spend a lot of time, it feels like, spinning my wheels. not knowing which way to turn or *how* to get there. but some things take time. i've only just started, in the last year, acknowledging my AS, and only got a determination on the PTSD a couple of years ago. in the scheme of things, considering the magnitude of my issues, that's not much time that has passed.

not to mention i had to pass the entire last 18 months with no professional help at all, at a time when i badly needed support and guidance.

i am tired of drifting through life, yes. it's hard sometimes to believe that will change, given how long i've had this feeling, in spite of earning degrees and having more than one career. i never have any sense of permanency or direction. nothing seems like it's going to last, i always have had this sense that i wasn't "there" yet. i don't know for sure if that will ever go away. it scares me to think of reaching the end of my days and still having a sense of having no place, no direction, no purpose, no sense of personal fulfillment. but honestly unless i'm depressed i don't give those thoughts a lot of my energy. i can't. i just try my best to be open to whatever is crossing my path and making the most of every opportunity to learn about myself. and if i feel stuck - which is a lot - i try to accept my stuckness. in the last 30 years of my life, that's the only way i've been able to ever make any progress. accept the stuckness and keep my eyes peeled, spend time in personal reflection, stay in touch with my inner thoughts, inner feelings, inner life. because sooner or later i have found that answers do emerge, and i have faith that eventually they will emerge with this.

even the last two years, which were horrible and many times very dark and hopeless, i'm finally coming out the other side with a sense that i have gained strength, perspective, and abilities. for instance i'm finally becoming able to let go of my fears and anxieties. i don't worry nearly as much. why worry? most of the worst that could happen, has. i'm much better able (right now) to take life a day at a time. that doesn't mean i won't panic the next time i feel right up against the wall, but the difference seems to be that i won't be stressing myself imaging all the bad things that might happen. i deal with the wall when and if i get to it. to me, that's progress.

sometimes progress doesn't look like what we expect or think it should. i think i should be making progress in my living situation, job situation, life purpose situation. but maybe i need to make personal progress first. or maybe that's all i need. i don't know. i try to let go of knowing and expectations. sometimes i don't even realize i'm doing that, holding ideas and expectations, but often when i feel stuck, that seems to be part of the problem. life never turns out like we think it should or will. neither do we, as persons. it's okay. stressing over that stuff doesn't seem to help. opening my eyes to the day, turning my face to the sunlight, literally and figuratively - that's what seems to help me. and when i can't see my hand in front of my face, i do what you're doing - reach out for help.

Yeeeeeeees everyday.
People that are less intelligent than me get better grades and opportunities and I have trouble showing others my ideas and talents.
I am tired of hearing "don't worry you have so much potential" everytime I fail or under achieve. To the hell with this potential thing! I don't want to be a hypothetical achiever, I want to convert my talents in results!

Yes. I suppose this is why a mid-life diagnosis was so important for me. As it requires me to re-evaluate what my potential realistically is and reset my expectations accordingly.

You took the words right out of my mouth. It really hurts when nobody appreciates the talents and gifts that you can offer to the world. I did a lot of volunteer work for the church and the local theatrical club, but for all the work I did for those folks. To me, it just felt like I was being used and exploited and was never appreciated for the things I could do. It was pretty obvious that my inability to socialize was getting in the way.

For 17 years, I had a really successful career in electrical engineering which is one of my greatest talents and a job that I can do my best at. There was only one problem, I was working for the mafia and although they never ask me to design and build anything that was illegal in and of itself. I do know that some of the products that I designed and built for them were used for illegal purposes and it was one of those things that really bothered my conscience quite a bit. But I had to make a living somehow and since my choices were limited, it was either that or go back to living on welfare again. Plus, landing this kind of a job was quite easy, all I had to do was just prove that I could do the job and I got it. There were no resumes, no interviews, or having to have any educational credentials or any other bureaucratic red tape that got in the way. Plus these guys treated me like family and really showed their appreciation for the work that I had done for them. Although it was not uncommon to hear things like "Thanks to that system you designed and built, you just kept a $50M cocaine shipment from falling into the hands of the DEA.". And although I was proud of my accomplishments. I didn't like the idea of knowing that I contributed to putting a product on the street that is ruining the lives of thousands of people. It was a job that tore my conscience between pride in shame, I felt shame more than anything. September 11 pretty much put an end to my career although I worked about a couple years afterwards up until the year 2003. It wasn't until one of my clients got busted and is now doing 20 years in the Federal pen that put a hard end to my career.

So for the last 11 years. I've been doing freelance computer repair and designing technology devices for use in theater and entertainment which doesn't make enough money to make a decent living off of, but it's legitimate work. Sadly though. I could make more money working as a gas station clerk then doing this.

As one WP user put it. Having aspergers is like having a Lamborghini without wheels on it, It looks pretty and you can rev the engine all you want but you're not going anywhere.

You are going to make me cry. Let me first say that my life is not that bad. I live in a good apartment alone in one of the best countries on Earth and can pay my bills and take care of myself. I have my own car and while life is a struggle at times I am well taken care of. Still, it's hard not to dwell on what I am missing out on. I was sure I would have been a highly respected and paid professional since I read at a high school level in elementary and was light years ahead of my classmates. Unfortunately, the bullying gradually eroded my self-esteem to the point I was afraid of my own shadow. Rather than challenge myself (Engineering) or follow my dream (owning a Construction Company) my parents convinced me to go to business school and looking back it was a TERRIBLE idea and I/they should have paid attention when I had a nervous breakdown at 19. I did not fit in, can't network if my life depended on it (and despise the whole concept of phony "friendships") and while I had good marks had no idea how to land a job in business and never did. Furthermore, due to my poor self-image I didn't get my first relationship till almost 30 and it's embarrassing how far behind I am.

I and I'm sure many others were SURE I would be making $100K and have a couple of children by this stage of my life. As of now, I feel like a teenager at times and can't help but get depressed on what SHOULD have been. Knowing that my bullies are more successful in life digs the dagger in even deeper. I had it all: brains, height, good looks and lots of opportunities at an early age. Unfortunately, fade conspired against me and I am just a below average 30 year old now. It's even harder knowing that Construction workers are in VERY high demand where I am and being a clean looking and friendly person I would have excelled over the competition.

I sometimes feel how an average person would feel if they were falsely arrested and sent to prison for 3 years. Sure, they will be out in a few years and could be in much worse shape (i.e. dead, paralyzed, death row) but knowing what all that they are missing out, that they will have a criminal record and worst of all how they didn't do anything to deserve it is agonizing!

I can relate. Though it is not social skills that plague me. It is executive dysfunction. And like GiantHockeyFan, I know I have a decent life, but I think most people (including myself) thought that I would have been in a different place than I am now.

Sometimes it stresses me out, and sometimes it doesn't. I am feeling stressed right now because I have a job that is intellectually below my capacity, but I am not doing well in it because of my executive functioning limitations. I know a heck of a lot more than I can do at work and it is very frustrating because other people are counting on me, but I can't just will my way to making my executive functioning work at the same level as my intelligence.

There is no time limit. He might not be available now though. How serious are you about this other guy (the drug user)? Are you emotionally available to date anyone else?

exactly... When I was in school and was very gifted I was sure by my age I would be very successful, one of the best students in the best colleges, starting already research programs to go straight to a masters degree. And I would be successful and have friends and dates and do nice things.
it is so saddening and frustrating. In my case though I can't blame external factors or bullying or parents' pressure, only myself.


yeah I too am performing below my capacity. My biggest problem is executive function too, besides anxiety. If I could I would change how college works so that I could study and do research on anything I wanted for the sole purpose of it, instead of having to study lots of subjects and having to organize all the due dates, the works, the exams, the stress.. It is maddening. And I could be an awesome researcher on my matters of interest if only I could study what I wanted to in my own rhythm, while how it works today a person that is better in planning ends up with better grades and opportunities and less stress and anxiety.
I always wonder how my life would be like if I was only highly gifted, not aspie. I would be very very successful right now for sure! Almost a legend. I see myself in one of those very intelligent social people, that stand up for themselves, sell their work, have parties and friends and dates and are very charming and smart. I wish I would be like that. Well, imagining those things does no good.

I am not frustrated about not realizing my full potential. I am realizing my full-potential. It is just that my full potential isn't "normal". I have Asperger's. My development is different than other people's development. Getting diagnosed has helped me with these feelings of frustration. It also helps that I have been working in a social services position (as a case manager). I can use my case management skills to find help for myself.

Yes, but I try not to think about it, and instead try to focus on taking as many positive actions as I can towards doing so.

I used to feel this way all the time, and it drove me nuts and helped to prevent me from really doing anything with my life for years.
It was only after I let go of all that crap, forgave myself for my various difficulties and limitations, and decided to just do things as well and as much as I can regardless that I started to make real progress.

Some days I still feel it like you are now though.
Those days, I immerse myself in my interests and try to ignore it until things get better, as they always seem to.

I get frustrated by my lack of confidence.

This does stand in the way of me progressing in life.

Depends on the definition of "normality" but, so do a lot of us, me included. Though I would't like to sacrifice my abilities, interests or different outlook on life to get it though; I'd rather keep looking for like-minded friends and a like-minded girlfriend until I find them.


Are you sure about that?


Holy Alien, don't even go there. I seem to remember you have mentioned on the forum about drugs and done well in getting yourself off them; believe me, drug addicts will only drag you down with them.


Quite right, be true to yourself and stay away from that


Too true; I got an MSc in Microelectronics and due to AS have wasted 20 years of my life and am now unemployed, looking at jobs far below my ability and have no real friends either.


Same sort of thing here, except I have been taking advantage ot the better weather to walk long-distances again and working on my project for the astronomy society for the week after the big special event on the 12th. And job search.


There wouldn't be a time limit.

I mean, if I had contacted some nice woman around the time she fell ill with tooth problems or anything else and got no reply, I'd take the view that either she wasn't interested or she had other things on her mind.

I'd try not to frighten her off by being pushy, and just wait a bit

Last edited by IKnowWhoIAmNow on 01 Apr 2014, 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It makes me feel sad and I try not to think about it. As I always say, it feels as if somebody gave me an amazing present (by present I am referring to the gifts that I have), and that night, that present was left behind in a taxi and I will never find it. (never find it relates to the fact that I am too old now that I realize that I am in the spectrum and it is too late to start over and go to school and get a career etc in an environment tailored to deal with my spectrum needs).
Oh well. A life gone to waste I suppose. I am sure it happens all the time to a lot of people.