Questions, confusion - recent diagnosis

Post Reply New Topic

Hello! I was diagnosed with Asperger's this past week (I realize that it doesn't appear in the DSM 5 but "Asperger's" is what the psychologist said). I scored 125 on a test where anything over 65 would be suspicious. However, I feel almost like I self-diagnosed; the test I took was the same one I could have taken for free online, and the results were based on my own perception of myself, but what if my perception was off? Maybe I'm just hyper-critical of myself? I read about others with AS and I don't feel like I struggle much in comparison. I'm relieved to have a diagnosis but at the same time I can't help feeling that maybe I'm just a very quiet introvert with crappy relational skills. I wish it was something that could be determined objectively by a blood test rather than subjectively by my own interpretation of myself!

If anyone has studied (and accepts) the personality temperments, how does Asperger's differ from a deep case of the Melancholic/Phlegmatic personality? (That's what I assumed that I was previously.) Is it possible for a "normal" melancholic to come across as slightly autistic?

I've heard the term "If you meet one person with autism, you've met one person with autism," and "its called a 'spectrum' for a reason," but, still, there are an awful lot of Asperger's hallmarks that don't fit me. I'm not usually bothered by light; I don't like lots of noise or especially certain sounds, like water or eating (gum is the worst!), but that could just be sensitivity rather than an autistic sensory issue. Sometimes I get overwhelmed but I don't have meltdowns (or if I did, it was only when I was younger). It can take time for me to process a conversation (emails are great because I can read them several times over an extended period), and I often don't have anything to say, but maybe this could just be introversion. I live with my parents, but this is not because I can't live independently, I just haven't had a pressing reason to leave and they keep telling me that I might as well stay. I don't stim (although I have a bad habit of picking at my face/arms, and I've heard that this can be a type of stimming). I'm imaginative, I'm not particularly organized, I don't have a rigid routine, and I'm definitely not a genius.

I do have other issues, though, that manifested about the age that relationships get complicated. When I was twelve I basically stopped talking unless absolutely necessary; I felt like I was so tired of pretending to be someone I wasn't, and that other people were trying to steal my identity somehow and I needed to protect myself by keeping them out of my world. Occasionally I felt wistful about friendships but usually I was relieved to be alone, even though I had plenty of opportunities to socialize. Now, I want friendships but at the same time I have no idea what they are, and when someone likes me instead of rejecting me, I don't really know what to do with it. I don't like doing a lot of the things that are necessary to keep friends (movies, conversations, etc.)...oh well, I've gone on long enough already.

I'm guessing the psychologist also interviewed you and took a history. You stopped talking when you were 12 because you were tired --- you understand that sounds pretty atypical, right?

If you're worried, though, can you perhaps see the psychologist again to talk about what is unusual about you and get a better understanding? Maybe it would help to have more information.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, I hope you like it here!

Who knows what goes on inside your own head better than you do? What's that? You're OVER THINKING and OBSESSING? Welcome to Autism.



"SENSitivity" or an autistic "SENSory issue? What's the difference? Semantics, that's what. I don't remember the DSM specifically saying HFAs are 'bothered' by light, but I do remember the phrase "may see lights or hear sounds others do not." That freaked me out a little, because I thought it meant hallucinations.

Then I remembered all the times I had mentioned odd little noises to other people, who looked at me like I was crazy, even though I was clearly not imagining what I heard - like the teeny hi-pitched squealing noise old style B/W televisions used to make, even when the volume was down, that I later learned was caused by the exciter behind the CRT; like the time I mentioned a loudly buzzing light fixture in a store and the person with me heard nothing, even after I walked them over and stood them directly beneath the fluorescent fixture that was rapidly flickering on and off as it snapped and crackled. Then there was the time I heard the sound of a broken lawnmower coming from the clouds over a parking lot at Christmastime and I had to shout at the people ahead of me to get their attention, because otherwise nobody but me would have witnessed the bizarre aircraft that flew directly over our heads seconds later. None of these noises particularly "bothered" me, but I clearly have a "sensitivity" that not everyone has.



It's amazing how much calmer your life becomes, once you learn to stay away from people who antagonize you. With maturity comes better control and more sophisticated coping mechanisms.



Introverts may have plenty to say, but are too intimidated to say it. Autistics often take an extra beat or two to process the conversational statements and formulate a response, unfortunately, by the time we have formulated something to say and composed the thought, the conversation has switched topics and our remarks have become non-sequitur. Doh!




Right. You are uncomfortable with the thought of change. Been there, done that.



Picking at anything is not a stim, that's a fidgit. A Stim is a repetitive movement, to dissipate anxiety - rocking back and forth, swaying from side to side, hand flapping - stuff like that. Nail biting and hair twisting and such are not clinically considered stims.

Please be careful with those assumptions about imagination. Remember the DSM criteria were designed to identify autism in young children and children outgrow many of their limitations. I have been a graphic artist since childhood, spent a career in broadcasting writing jokes and commercials, possess a professional tattooist's license and currently create horror fiction.

Whether or not you have a rigid routine may depend on your perspective. Some routines don't seem rigid until someone demands that you change them and you suddenly realize that their request is unacceptable. My 90 minute daily workout routine isn't rigid, as long as it occurs every evening sometime between the hours of 7pm and 10pm. As long as it's somewhere within that window, I'm not rigid at all. Yeah, definitely not rigid. Definitely not rigid. I'm an excellent driver.



Yep, I was a regular Class Clown in kindergarten and first grade, until I realized the other kids were laughing AT me, not WITH me. Getting laughs was not getting me friends, but it was the only way I knew how to relate to other people and participate in their social interactions. When I realized that it wasn't working and I had no other ideas, I became isolated and withdrawn and have stayed that way for the rest of my life.



And that, Dear GibbieGal, is the definition of High Functioning Autism! Welcome to the club! I'm sorry to inform you, but there is no cure.

Aha! It looks like I won the game, then...there will be cake and grief counseling, right?

*sigh* and I read that and wonder 'why is it that I'm probably not autistic again? That's right, because I understand social nuance.'

I don't understand, what's the social nuance here?

Nothing. I'm simply referring to myself, not some meta-thread thing.

Thanks Cavernio

No, but you'll like it on the Dark Side.
We have cookies.

Seriously though: listen to Willard, he usually seems to know what he's talking about.

Welcome to WP!

Thanks, everyone!

One of the pivotal questions for the psychologist was whether I understood what other people were thinking. What does this mean, exactly? I said 'no' because I'm not telepathic and I often wonder what it would be like to be in someone else's mind because there seems to be a wall between them and me and I can't 'hear' them in a sense. I wish I could see their thoughts or soul but there's the wall. Is this not understanding what other's think or is it something else?

The paragraph above should remove any doubt about your diagnosis.

This might help explain
http://blog.robertmoran.org/2012/01/07/ ... nd-autism/

Noise sensitivity is the most common Aspergers sensory sensitivity. Sensory sensitivities if they are mild can mask themselves as other issues. Lack of eye contact is believed to be a sensory issue.

.
People with Aspergers are usually poor at multitasking/doing several things at once. Listening to a conversation seems like one thing but it is a really several tasks. Look at the person, listen to he person, try to understand person, try to ignore other sights and sounds. If there are several people in the conversation it is really really difficult. A email involves just reading the the email, not all this other stuff.


To be diagnosed with Aspergers you need average to above average intelligence. The multitasking problem is related to executive functioning deficits which include poor organizing abilities.
Extra sensory input combined with low working memory is overwhelming. Lack of meltdowns could be because you learned to control them. Rigid routines are a way some people cope with being overwhelmed. It is just not your way. Going into your own world and shutting down seems to suit you better. A lot of us do that to cope.

Welcome to Wrong Planet fellow Aspie.

AAAAAHHH...I wish the forums had a rolling smilie.

I think the diagnostic process is flawed for the reasons you're pretty much saying - personality tests are subject to cognitive bias and are unreliable.

Did they check your history? Files from childhood?

Why did autism come up as a possible diagnosis for you?

I talked to the psychologist about my history.

Initially I wondered about Asperger's (or possibly Avoidant Personality Disorder, even) based on ongoing struggles I seemed to have. I went to a counselor a few years ago and she said "I would have THOUGHT Asperger's but you said you have no obsessions, so you probably just weren't socialized well and should work more on your social skills." (I didn't understand what 'obsessions' could potentially include.) Then she told me stuff I already knew -- the initial meet-and-greet stuff that introduces you to new people. I tried to explain that it was what happened AFTER the meet-and-greet that was the problem; I just couldn't connect beyond that, even though I wanted friends. She thought I'd intuit the bonding process if I could just be better at initializing conversation. Nope!

I went to this first therapist because I wanted to see if I could be a religious Sister and I wanted to be sure there wasn't anything significantly the matter with me before contacting communities (they have their own psych tests for applicants, but I felt like I ought to know beforehand). I was allowed to spend a week with a community and they used the word "rigid" in a meaningful way to describe me, and I got worried 'cause that can be a keyword for 'autistic' so I told them that a therapist had once entertained the idea of Asperger's and they said "Oh! Yes, we DID wonder if you had a touch of autism."

So that's why I went to a psychologist who specializes in autism (the earlier counselor was more general). On the first visit, we talked for an hour and she gave me a test to complete and turn in later. The second visit, I walked in and said, "Ah! I'm very sorry, I was panicking, I don't think I have autism! I'm just a really awkward, very normal introvert," and she said, "Oh reeeally? What makes you think that?" And then she told me she's personally convinced I have Asperger's.

Last edited by GibbieGal on 01 Apr 2014, 11:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just so you know not all of us have these obsessions or special interest over over these narrow topics. Many on the spectrum have little to no sensory issues. I don't see anything that shows you are not on the spectrum.