How open are you about your Asperger's?
TomHow
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Joined: 24 Mar 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
Location: UK expat in continental Europe
I've noticed that people with a vaguely comparable condition, dyslexia, don't seem to hesitate to mention that they have it in conversation when giving anecdotes, etc. But I've never once heard anyone do the same with Asperger's?
I wonder if it's partly due to being scared of others thinking that we're looking for an excuse for our behaviour?
How many people know about your condition? Do you hide it from the world or do you mention it if there is an appropriate cue in the conversation?
When you mention Dyslexia, most people in the room know immediately what you're talking about. Almost nobody has any clue what Autism really means, much less Asperger Syndrome and the few who have heard of AS likely heard it in connection with some horrific violent psychopath, because that's the only time the news media (in the US) ever brings it up. Then there's the common mispronunciation "Ass Burgers," rather than "Ahz-pair-gur."
The first time I ever heard the term Asperger Syndrome was in the late 90s on the sitcom Becker, when Ted Danson's character, who was a doctor, spent the entire show laughing hysterically every time his nurse said the word. Why would any sane person subject themselves intentionally to that kind of ridicule and loathing?
Add to that the fact that while Dyslexia is a single, easy to explain problem, High Functioning Autism is a set of several interrelated handicaps, all stemming from an overabundance of neurological sensory receptors in the brain. It's complicated and difficult to explain without launching off on a 90 minute lecture and nobody cares enough to sit still for that.
Besides, the preconceptions that most people do have about Autism lead them to expect all Autistic people to look like Rainman and when you tell them you have Autism, they don't believe you - they think you're just making excuses for being weird, or some neurotic, symptom-seeking hypochondriac.
The only simple way to explain it is to use a popular TV character who displays clear symptoms of AS and say "I have the same brain condition as: (Sheldon Cooper, Dr Brennan on 'Bones,' etc.)," but it'll still confuse people, because those TV shows never identify those characters as having Autism, though they clearly do.
If you don't mind, I'd like to present an hypothesis on the distinction between Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
Asperger's: Problems with visually-oriented learning--"nonverbal learning disability"--tendency toward relative strengths in the verbal realm. Tendency to be "clumsy" and be uncoordinated in a physical sense. Mechanically inept. Right-brain dysfunction.
High-Functioning Autism: Problems with verbally-derived learning--tendency toward strength in the visual-learning realm (i.e., as exhibited by "visual learners" such as Temple Grandin). not clumsy, more ability in the physical realm. Very mechanically adept. Left-brain dysfunction.
I'm just putting this hypothesis "out there." I don't have an all-abiding belief in it, though I believe there is something to it. Rather, I want to introduce an amiable debate.
I am undiagnosed (I don't want to spend the money to get diagnosed). My parents were encouraged by doctors to institutionalize me at a young age--owing to the fact that I was going to end up a being a "vegetable" (i.e., someone who will be fully dependent for the remainder of his life). I am fortunate that my mother "saw something in me."
I did not develop oral speech until age 5. Otherwise, I exhibit more the Asperger's phenotype than the HFA phenotype. I am a poor visual learner and memorizer. I respond solely to the written word. I am somewhat clumsy (though I've overcome this somewhat). I have been able to keep a job and to get married. I learned to drive 15 years ago, at age 37. I'm still "clumsy" in social situations--I've developed a "court-jester who cannot be messed with" persona to overcome this. I still become overwhelmed by stimuli, especially when it involves many people within an enclosed space. I can't "do 2 things at once."
Thank you for any input.
Anyone knows about dyslexia but most people doesn't know what Asperger syndrom is, if you tell them they will look you like yo have something
very strange or a medical illness. That's why most aspies don't say to other people about it because they think that other people can't understand or don't care about what exacltly Asperger syndrom is. They are also afraid that this could also cause difficulties to them to find a job or have friends because of social "racism" .
Nobody seems scared of dyslexia. But for Aspergers and autism, it sometimes seems like maybe people are afraid it's contagious, not wanting to be around me.
And when someone who is neurotypical understands me too much and they know I have ASD, they sometimes get really weird and start telling me I'm normal or pulling away like they're afraid I'll bite them.
It's easy to understand shared experiences. It's when there isn't that commonality that it's a problem.
People know instinctively that something is different about me, but I don't usually tell them what. Just have not had good experiences with that. Though I've read other threads that people describe disclosing as working well.
I'm only a suspected Aspie, but knowing what I know has made me more comfortable in being myself. Having said that, I haven't told anyone. My parents, my family, my co-workers, my friends, my bosses, none of them know. My gf was the one who told me one time that she thought I seemed autistic. The light came on about Asperger's not long after. If they ask, I'll be honest about it like I'm being here, but that this time I see no benefit in telling people.
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Asperger's: Problems with visually-oriented learning--"nonverbal learning disability"--tendency toward relative strengths in the verbal realm. Tendency to be "clumsy" and be uncoordinated in a physical sense. Mechanically inept. Right-brain dysfunction.
High-Functioning Autism: Problems with verbally-derived learning--tendency toward strength in the visual-learning realm (i.e., as exhibited by "visual learners" such as Temple Grandin). not clumsy, more ability in the physical realm. Very mechanically adept. Left-brain dysfunction.
I'm just putting this hypothesis "out there." I don't have an all-abiding belief in it, though I believe there is something to it. Rather, I want to introduce an amiable debate.
I am undiagnosed (I don't want to spend the money to get diagnosed). My parents were encouraged by doctors to institutionalize me at a young age--owing to the fact that I was going to end up a being a "vegetable" (i.e., someone who will be fully dependent for the remainder of his life). I am fortunate that my mother "saw something in me."
I did not develop oral speech until age 5. Otherwise, I exhibit more the Asperger's phenotype than the HFA phenotype. I am a poor visual learner and memorizer. I respond solely to the written word. I am somewhat clumsy (though I've overcome this somewhat). I have been able to keep a job and to get married. I learned to drive 15 years ago, at age 37. I'm still "clumsy" in social situations--I've developed a "court-jester who cannot be messed with" persona to overcome this. I still become overwhelmed by stimuli, especially when it involves many people within an enclosed space. I can't "do 2 things at once."
Thank you for any input.
i was diagnosed with asperger's, and i am a visual learner and had no significant language delay as a child, nor do i have a problem with language textually (though i do sometimes struggle with language processing delays when listening to people talk). i get the impression this is more common with women with AS than it is with men with AS.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas
I want to experiment with, 'You've heard that they now think autism is a spectrum, right? Extending from nonverbal but perhaps highly communicative in other ways all the way to quote-unquote normal.'
'Well, I might be. I certainly think people on the spectrum have a lot to contribute and should be respected.'
*PS So far, I have not had real good results sharing with people that I self-diagnose being on the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum, and comfortably self-diagnose at that.
Unless you ask me about it, I will not tell you. People have liked to abuse me because I'm autistic and I would rather not tell you if I know you will not. I have told my neurotypical friends.
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Shedding your shell can be hard.
Diagnosed Level 1 autism, Tourettes + ADHD + OCD age 9, recovering Borderline personality disorder (age 16)
Asperger's: Problems with visually-oriented learning--"nonverbal learning disability"--tendency toward relative strengths in the verbal realm. Tendency to be "clumsy" and be uncoordinated in a physical sense. Mechanically inept. Right-brain dysfunction.
High-Functioning Autism: Problems with verbally-derived learning--tendency toward strength in the visual-learning realm (i.e., as exhibited by "visual learners" such as Temple Grandin). not clumsy, more ability in the physical realm. Very mechanically adept. Left-brain dysfunction.
I'm just putting this hypothesis "out there." I don't have an all-abiding belief in it, though I believe there is something to it. Rather, I want to introduce an amiable debate.
I am undiagnosed (I don't want to spend the money to get diagnosed). My parents were encouraged by doctors to institutionalize me at a young age--owing to the fact that I was going to end up a being a "vegetable" (i.e., someone who will be fully dependent for the remainder of his life). I am fortunate that my mother "saw something in me."
I did not develop oral speech until age 5. Otherwise, I exhibit more the Asperger's phenotype than the HFA phenotype. I am a poor visual learner and memorizer. I respond solely to the written word. I am somewhat clumsy (though I've overcome this somewhat). I have been able to keep a job and to get married. I learned to drive 15 years ago, at age 37. I'm still "clumsy" in social situations--I've developed a "court-jester who cannot be messed with" persona to overcome this. I still become overwhelmed by stimuli, especially when it involves many people within an enclosed space. I can't "do 2 things at once."
Thank you for any input.
I fear your interesting post will get lost in this thread. Can I convince you to start a new thread about this? I have some thoughts I'd love to add.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas
I think I'm the same in some ways. I am huge reader and learn a whole lot from books. I'm also reasonably picky and start or sample many more books than I finish, and that's okay.
And taking it a step further, I think I'm in the category Temple Grandin talked about, of having the preferred cognitive style of story / narrative learning. And I gathered from Temple that this is somewhat theoretical and there probably is overlap between styles.
Before I was diagnosed with Aspergers, I was diagnosed with ADHD. There was never a circumstance if avoid mentioning the ADD. I mean, I didn't go out of my way to throw it in, but if it seemed relevant, I never hesitated.
With Aspergers, I avoid telling people. I've told only family. I've confirmed it to two other people who asked. But, no one else.
I think I am primarily worried that someone I tell will think I cannot either:
-raise my kids
or
-do my job
With proclaiming ADHD, I didn't feel that worry. I'm not entirely sure why.
Over the past 2 years, I've told around 10 people that I highly suspect that I'm on the spectrum. Only one of them flat out rejected the idea. The other reactions were anywhere from "What's aspergers?" to "You totally are!"
I put a lot of thought into who I tell and when I should tell them. If someone asks if I'm autistic, I'll say "Most likely." I'd still feel very weird flat out saying that I'm autistic since I don't have a Dx yet.
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