Naivety or Cynicism: Our Two Choices

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Has anyone else observed that for many on the spectrum, there are only two choices how to approach people: Naivety or cynicism?

I think that's the human condition overall, really: be used as a tool, or live with the assumption that most people are going to attempt to use you as a tool.

there's a third possibility - being realistic - trusting people with small things first, and if they prove trustworthy, trusting them with more.

If we conceptualise a continuum, with naivete at one end, cynicism at the other end - then what words can we put in to the line between the two ends to describe the states of mind which occur in that middle space? Ideas?

Would the inner words be different for different people here - or the same?

For me, words I would put in between would be: disappointment; discouragement; despair; hopelessness; renewed determination; apathy; hurt.

I don't just swing between naivete and cynicism. There are encounters which take me on a journey back and forth along that continuum, reactions to the type of interactions I have in encounters with other people.

Does that make any sense?

Yes, absolutely, for me it's exactly like that. I have only a very limited ability to balance myself like NTs do so naturally.

Aspies could also be realists.

Both.

A word I seek to include on that continuum is "wisdom".

Both. At the same time. I could tell you a recent experience when both were in play at the same time, but it's somewhat long to explain. Resulted in a mess and chaos. If it's not both though, it's usually naivety.

For me, naivete shows up in my misplaced trust in unreliable or untrustworthy people, I am blind to their hidden agendas and take them at face value. The cynicism is a response to how they go on to damage my trust by exploiting my good will.

I think I am basically a kind person. I have realised, cynically, that in the NT world (where I live unfortunately), there are a lot of users who equate kindness with weakness, and identiry you as an easy mark to exploit. Cynical yes, though true in my own experience. Sob.

How does one choose to be Naive? And have you ever thought that your cynicism is just misplaced arrogance driven by your own naivety? I have.

I'd rather live a life of innocence than live a life of cynicism. I don't want anything to do with the oversexualized world of today's society. I live in the world when I need to, and than I take a break from the world to recharge.

When approaching other people, I have to make a choice of either deciding to trust them enough and risk coming across as very naive, or else I have to put up a front and risk coming across as arrogant. I don't know what is driven by what, I only know I really don't have much other options. If it were up to me I would of course want everyone I meet to just be friendly and openminded, but unfortunately that's not how the world is.

My only choice is naivety because I don't understand people.

Its funny, because when you tell people you are just being realistic, they instantly see you as negative. i get told constantly im negative. Which i dont think. im just realistic. why would i lie to my self ?. that seems kinda stupid.

Naivete will get you hurt--but being polite and respectful is not the same as being naive. If there's one thing I have seen hurt Aspies more than anything else, it's the way some will embrace hatred and come to believe that the world is against them. It's not just that they can't see the good in the world, though they usually can't; the worst of it is that they lose hope that anything can ever become better.

A person simply cannot be happy if they see the world as unvaryingly hostile, and then either hide away in loneliness or to attack in pre-emptive hostility. This response to the risk of being victimized will hurt you much more than it protects you.

Unfortunately, the only solution is to learn to risk being hurt, to face the danger and the pain squarely and realize that the opportunity to make the world better is worth the price.

Sometimes people hurt us. Sometimes people even kill us. That is the truth. We cannot be absolutely safe. It is better to respond with acceptance, to refuse to hate, to help each other and protect each other. Remember that there are people much more vulnerable than we are; those people need us to protect them while they grow up, or get back up after having been beaten down, or find a way to make people listen. One day they may protect us in turn. I'm not just talking about other autistic people here, either. People in general--people who are young, or old, poor, unpopular, whatever. The more you learn to love others, the more your fear of being hurt will fade.

This is not some kind of long-faced martyrdom thing, either. It's not going to make you feel depressed and scared and victimized. In fact, the opposite--To be able to hope, to love, to help, even when things are bad, makes you feel very, very powerful.