Posted this status in honour of Autism Awareness Week.

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....and got lots of hate for it from NTs (despite OVERWHELMING support from my AS friends). What gives?

What did they say?

I don't know why anyone would hate you for that, it seems like a nice message. The only possible reason I can think of is that they thought you were attacking them or demanding too much (I forget the word for that).

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

I think it's an legitimate question. I sometimes wonder how I would get along with another autistic person. I try to be as open minded and patient as possible but I'm aware of my flaws as well.

As for the NT backlash, I think people saw it more as an accusation than a challenge.

I would think people would be happy that you want others to treat those with autism as equals. People have always treated me that way. There have been a few instances where family members under estimated my abilities but now they treat me much better. They're very sensitive to my needs but still treat me like I'm an adult.

Maybe I'm being overly cynical but I've think most people say they support things just because it is what the group is doing. When it really comes down to actually doing something personal to show support they consistently fall short or don't even try. I think this is the case with many things. It's easy to click a button on Facebook and say you support something but when it comes time to actually do something in real life it just doesn't happen. Not to say that everyone is like that but I think it may apply to a large segment of the population.

Here are the responses, you'll find this chat interesting. I wonder what you guys think:

Person 1: (background: My high school gym teacher):
I totally love, fully support and agree with every single word you've written here.
Well said!
April 3 at 8:15am · Unlike · 2 likes

Person 2 (background: NT; she's a classmate of mine from undergrad, got into a really prestigious medical school after graduation)
Nice message but kind of condescending to the people you're writing it to tbh
April 3 at 9:11am · no likes

Me:
That wasn't the intention. I just think people need a wakeup call, and that's not something you can do gently. I'm just being honest, because I have a lot of trouble imagining most of the people who post all that autism awareness stuff actually being friends with someone with autism - it's not an easy thing to do and requires you to leave your comfort zone for sure. I hope they take up my challenge.
April 3 at 9:15am · Edited · No likes

Person #3 (background: 4th year medical student at my local medical school, undergraduate track)
Honestly sometimes I suspect I'm either slightly on thr spectrum but the alternative explanation of Cluster B traits seems appealing as well...
April 3 at 9:16am · Unlike · 1 like

Person 2:
I get that but it's not fair to assume people's experiences. If those people are sharing those statuses in the first place then maybe there are experiences that precede them. Autism affects me and my family greatly so I didn't really appreciate the comment
April 3 at 9:18am · No likes

Me:
It affects me and my family as well. We have quite a few people on the spectrum to various degrees. Their experiences inspired me to post this.

I mean this in a positive way, not in a condescending way.
April 3 at 9:20am · Edited · No likes

Person #3: If the hat fits, put it on. If it doesn't, it's not meant for you.
April 3 at 9:21am · Unlike · 1 like

Me: I'm not addressing everyone who posted stuff, I'm imploring people to take a closer look at themselves and really evaluate their motives. I'm not assuming their motives aren't pure, I'm proposing an exercise in introspection. If they wouldn't actually befriend or embrace an autistic person in real life, they have no business posting things for the sake of their image when they wouldn't walk the walk. I'm not assuming most people are like that, but I think some of them probably just jumped on the bandwagon.

I definitely don't think you're one of those people, Isabella, I'm asking people to take a closer look at themselves.
April 3 at 10:29am · Edited · No likes

Person 4 (background: NT; known her since elementary school - I was mean to her in elementary school because she was allowed to skip a grade and I was bored in school because they wouldn't accelerate me in order to "punish" me for my behavioural problems. We then sort of grew up and made up. We went to the same university for undergraduate. While she is way more popular and mainstream, she hasn't been able to get into medical school while I have because her grades aren't high enough. She does volunteer work with autistic adults and strikes me as the infantilizing type - she always posts photos on her fb with them and talks about them as if she were their preschool teacher):
I have to agree with Person 2. the gesture is nice but i feel as though you are off the bat labelling them as being "different" by saying "autistic people", they are individuals, just like any of us. Furthermore, you state that we should take on your "challenge", as if it's a difficult thing to do, to socialize or even befriend someone on the spectrum. "Talk to them like a real person", they are real people. I won't try and poke at everything but I think you are somewhat subconsciously emphasizing the stigma related to mental illness. You do however, make some valid points. Just some food for thought.
April 3 at 9:49am · Like · 1 like

Person 5. (background: not NT. I know he got into an accident as a kid and has brain damage. He went to the same "special" high school as me.)
You need to understand that not all of them can drink because it might be dangerous but I still know what you mean that's the line of work I like doing at John Abbott I volunteer my time to hang with them for a bit it's fun and it's a good feeling R.I.P [name omitted]
April 3 at 10:13am · No Likes

Person 6 (background: AS; good friend of mine, we go way back. We met in the same therapy group when we were 2 and have been friends on and off ever since - we went to the same elementary school and high school) there's nothing physically dangerous about them drinking related to autism on its own …
April 3 at 10:26am · Unlike · 1 like

Me: I'm just using beer as an example. I hope people here knows what I imply.

And most of the autistic people I know like to drink. It makes them more comfortable in social settings, and it also makes neurotypical people more comfortable with them as well. That's why I suggested it.
April 3 at 10:27am · Edited · Like · 1 like

Person 6: Ya i know what you mean AspieMD, but its really ignorant to say that it could be dangerous for them to drink .. its no more dangerous for them to drink than it is for u or me .. u don't need to be verbal to drink ..
April 3 at 10:28am · Unlike · 1 like

Person 6: I'm on the spectrum myself lol and i work with children on the spectrum
April 3 at 10:31am · Like

Me: Person 4 - It might not seem hard, but I have autistic friends and family who have told me about their experiences, and it seems it's way easier said than done. Do you have anyone with autism or aspergers in your circle of friends? I do. I have plenty. And I know that some people are great and wonderful to them and accept and embrace their quirks and others (most people) just roll their eyes and treat them like vermin (it's subconscious, most don't realize they do it! I have been guilty too of the eye rolling and the accidental exclusion, I admit it, accept it, and try to make myself better, more aware of how my actions affect others, and more inclusive). and laugh about them with their friends - this is with or without knowing they're autistic. They seem normal in many other ways, so it does look like they do a lot of it on purpose. I challenge you all to look past that.

Why do you think autistic people and people with aspergers complain they have no friends?

This is more of a wakeup call to evaluate actions (not just talk!) if you do include people with autism, in a context beyond helping out at a special needs center that is separate from your personal social world, then great. If not, I implore you to think of ways you can be more inclusive. Why does everyone seem to feel so insulted by this perfectly well-meaning post?
April 3 at 10:39am · Edited · Like · 1 like

Person 7 (NT; I went to uni with her. She's one of those "flawless" people. She took a year off and is now getting acceptances in droves from top medical schools. She's close friends with person 2): I think people are getting upset because, while the post is full of good intentions, it expresses these really good points while simultaneously putting other people down. It sounds a little self serving to say that because you work hard to be inclusive of people with autism, you're the only one who is deserving of posting on facebook in support of the cause and that because of this, you are "better" than people who just post for likes or popularity. A better way to to express your point would probably be just to leave out the negativity entirely and focus on the positives. I.e. that in honor of Autism Awareness week, we should all work harder to be more inclusive. Just my 2 cents! But I agree with you that actions speak louder than words (or facebook real estate) in this situation!
April 3 at 10:41am · Like · 3 likes (all the likes were medical students who didn't know each other and went to different MD schools)

Me: The negativity is a necessary wakeup call. People with autism complain of not having friends for a reason. If all those people who post stuff about autism actually tried to befriend autistic people and watch how they act and refer to them, autistic people wouldn't feel so alienated from society.

This isn't a point I can get across with all rainbows and sunshine and happiness. Autistic people suffer a lot and we have to take steps to acknowledge and alleviate it. I'm not perfect, I admitted in the comment above that I too have been guilty of excluding and making fun of people with autism. But I'm aware of it and take steps to change it. That's what autism awareness is all about - more than just blue balloons.
April 3 at 10:48am · Like · 1 likes

Person 7: While I think wake up calls are definitely necessary, I feel like having any message be OVERLY negative actually makes people less receptive to the important parts of the message because they get too fixated on the negativity. Either way, kudas to you for making an important point!
April 3 at 10:55am · Like

Me: I don't find my message overly negative. It's positive - it's about embracing people on the spectrum. About how autistic people are smart and fun and have a lot to offer and that we should all give them a chance. That's a very positive message.

My HS gym teacher doesn't have a pessimistic, negative bone in her body and yet she shared this. She moonlights as a life coach, and life coaches don't ever post negative things.

I find a lot of the people criticizing me here are those who seem to find negative in practically everything I say. So I think it might just be the lens they may be seeing it with.
April 3 at 11:04am · Edited · Like · 1 like

Person 4: AspieMD, though I appreciate the explanation to my post, I find it irrelevant to post experiences over statuses. The definition of inclusion is a personal one, referring to each individuals experience with mental illness. "Beyond working at a special needs centre" .... I end my discussion here.
April 3 at 11:05am · Like

Person 7: AspieMD, just pointing out a possibility. I actually agree with the actual intent/message of your post.
April 3 at 11:07am · Like

Me: Okay. But I don't think this status was controversial in the slightest and find

Person 4 - what I'm saying us that autistic people come in all types and all parts of the spectrum. Some are so mild we can barely tell but somehow get ticked off by them subconsciously for not picking up all our cues. Some can't even speak or walk or leave their house without going into sensory overload. Autistic people are people too, I'm sure you know this, but what I'm saying is that it's nice to volunteer with kids with autism - I did it too, and I fully recommend and endorse doing it. I mean expanding - opening up your friend circle to people with autism or aspergers. Inviting one out for lunch with your friends being inclusive in a personal context.
April 3 at 11:11am · Edited · Like

Me: Also why do you think I think I'm the only person worthy of posting this? I encourage as many of you as possible to share this! And stop putting words into my mouth... It's always the same few people who tend to assume the worst of me.
April 3 at 11:17am · Like

Person 7: AspieMD I don't think that. I just find that reading your original post it came off that way. Again, just pointing out a possibility for why people are reacting so strongly. Apologies if it came across as accusatory.
April 3 at 11:19am · Like · 1 like

Me: Weird. Well I modified it because rereading it, it did seem like it applied to everyone, when I just felt it was about some people.

I think everyone who posted the statuses or pics or anything related to autism awareness has noble intentions. I won't discount that. I am just challenging those people, people who claim to care about improving the lives of those living with autism (and I'm sure they do!) to take it a step further. I also don't think people make autistics' lives hard on purpose. I think it's subconscious. And as a result, I'm hoping my post will bring it to the surface, to make people aware. Because this is autism awareness after all.
April 3 at 11:24am · Like

Person 7: Look at all conversation/buzz your status has gotten already. Win win?
April 3 at 11:25am · Like

Person 8 (NT, close friends with Persons 2 and 7, uni friend): I think you guys are analyzing this a bit too much. AspieMD is not trying to accuse specific people of being hypocrites, she is just pointing out that awareness should go beyond just spreading the word over Facebook; it should be put into action. I think this post is wonderful and definitely sends out a positive message
April 3 at 11:28am · Unlike · 3 likes

Person 9 (NT, but history of severe depression, one of my best friends) U spoke my heart babe. Have a good friend who used to have Asperger's. Initially found it hard to communicate with him coz he doesn't take social cues very well e.g. talk to you abt a subject you are not interested in at length without realizing you are not listening. Gradually when we got through to each other, I realized how much we had in common (food! cooking!) and that he actually had a very intelligent mind. Besides he is a very committed person and once he's in on your cause he will fight for you to the end. So I often get very irritated when the very same people who have been educated and should be more open minded to find out another person's situation come up to me in uni and complain he's 'off', without even bothering to find out more abt what made him the way he is. But thank God he's probably having the last laugh at his detractors now. After entering hall in uni, he became so committed to his cause to be a blessing to his hall mates that he has become a kind of legendary stalwart in his hall. His hall mates love him to bits because on top of cooking fine cuisine for them weekly, he doesn't hesitate to help out everywhere- from hall prod to representing the hall for national cny parade to even sports. Now when ppl from that hall speak of heroes they speak of him. I'm so proud of him but above tt, this is to all the people out there who have judged him, hypocritically or not, and never thought he will be capable of so much.
April 3 at 11:45am · Unlike · 1 like

Person 10 (NT but kind of emo, close friend from HS) from one wierdo to another, we haven't been diagnosed with anything but outlandish we are!! ! I am proud
April 3 at 12:29pm · Unlike · 1 like

Person 11 (Either AS or severe ADHD, I was in the high school drama club with him): So after a week the problem goes away? I'm sorry but promoting an awareness week is promoting, "do something nice this week then you have until next year to not give a s**t". Problems don't just disappear, if you're really looking to make a difference in your environment I look forward to more post that will educate me and others about the matter. If not I know where your heart is at.

~just saying...
April 3 at 2:32pm · Like

Me: Person 11 - I totally agree with you, I just felt it would be a good time to share what I had been thinking for awhile, because now more than ever people are showing that they are willing to listen.

Person 9 - that is such an awesomesauce story! Made my day

Sorry, can't read it all. Person 4 makes me laugh. The whole 'they're individuals' thing. They just got stuck on you saying 'autistic people' when really it doesn't matter. They rather you say 'person with autism' to show they are individuals and if you don't then you are turning them into less of a person, even if you have the diagnosis yourself.

Funny thing to me is that these people are telling you to word your post differently, calling you self-serving when you are someone with autism, and the biggest hurdle for us with autism is the fact that we get into these type of arguments with people all the time. People want us to keep an open mind when we speak but they don't keep in mind that we with autism struggle to do this. They treat us like we should just know this stuff, like we're just anyone else. That's a problem when treating people with social skills deficits as individuals; they expect them to behave like any NT person.

I was shocked when someone close to me said these words I'm saying to you now, about me. Finally, here was someone that understood it without needing to be in my head.

I can't even be honest with my friend about why I don't want to go and hang with her sometimes. She won't listen to me unless I'm in physical pain.

Sorry. I'm a bit moody tonight.

I have not read all the responses yet but I will. Anyway, what you wrote was excellent and your responses to the responses that I have read so far are also excellent.

I think one reason why they would get upset is that they do Autism Awareness week to feel good about doing something that makes them feel good. They don't really care, they just want to feel like they put their two cents in. Otherwise they would be advocating Autism Awareness every day all year in how they lived their lives. So when you challenge them it tells them that their 2 cents isn't good enough. But if all they have to give is that 2 cents then they can't feel good about it if it's challenged. And since they don't know you are Autistic they will wonder who you are to challenge them since you are not participating in handing out flyers or whatever they are doing and promoting "Autism Awareness" yourself. And they probably don't know that you have Autistic friends. Even if you may not in real life you have friends here and although we are anonymous we are definitely real people who talk to each other and support each other with our deep and personal stuff. So because they don't know your status on the Spectrum they think you are just criticizing them with no substance behind it. If they knew they might have very different responses.

Also since they don't know you are on the Spectrum they may think they know more about Autism than you do and they may think they know more about what Autistic people are like and what we need than you do. So for you to challenge them like this would be like a slap in the face. Sometimes these people think they know more than they do about a subject or they kind of think of themselves as some kind of authority just because they have flyers to hand out and posters to put up. So you posting what you did challenges their "authority" and "superior knowledge" on the subject. And they need to feel like they have knowledge to share Autism Awareness with others.