Do you have any (real) friends?

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Hi, it's Milanor here and I'm posting to ask if anyone has been through this situation before, I know I certainly have, since I have a bunch of acquaintances, but not many friends at all. Before I delve into the actual issue, so the concern here is what is a friend?

Friend
In my point of a view, a friend is someone who supports you (emotionally or even physically) during hard times, will not judge you for your flaws and would accept you as a person (beliefs, habits, personality, character, etc.), will talk to you (not always when you initiate a convo with them, but they initiate themselves) when you need someone to talk to, and of course, hang out (going to events, going for coffee, lunch, etc.). Friends could either be very close (very good friends that know you very well and for a long time), or even just good friends. Friendship is a two-way street, not a one-way street.

Acquaintance
An acquaintance, however, is someone that you know, but you don't really have much activities with each other and are usually connected via common grounds and interests (e.g. a classmate, a coworker, another person you met at a public event, etc.). They are only in the relationship only when certain criteria exist (being in the same office or workspace, workplace, being in the same class or school, or you do business with them customer and vendor, etc.), and once those elements are no longer there, they leave or just cut the relationship.

Now that I pretty much stated the difference between friends and acquaintances, here is my problem:
Over the years, especially when I was growing up, I don't really have many friends, especially good friends, with the exception of a close family friend that I known for almost my whole life. I'm in my early 20's btw, and more so, throughout college and even into current life, I don't have many friends at all, even my close friend has moved on and we seldom talk to each other let alone visit each other.

I had some pretty bad experiences with what I (presumed) to be my friends throughout highschool and even in college. Unlike most people in highschool, I got into social networking much later than the average teen, rather close to high school graduation. Ok, then the worst part is all those that I manage to get added to facebook (including those who friend requested me) they end up deleting me within months after I went to college, and continued to delete me throughout the years. (With regards to facebook, that would be another topic since that is a whole other issue other than this one.) As a result, this has discouraged me to seek out new friends and try to get a 'real' friend, fearing that I would probably get rejected and constantly go through emotional turmoil endlessly.

So the actual question is what should I do? I feel like just accepting my fate that I would be destined a hermit and my social life is dead and would stay dead

Its always better to have some friends than none, and making them is difficult for people like us. People gain more maturity when school related stuff is done, and our social deficiencies are somewhat compensated for by our own increased experience. Perhaps you could try being a bit more open with some of your acquaintances to move up into being friends?

Based upon your definition, I don’t have any real friends.

Not counting my wife, the people I consider friends (it's less than a handful of people all of whom I have known for > 25 years) are simply people I hang out with. They are not people I look to for emotional support. They are not people I look to when I need “someone to talk to”.

my ex wife is very supportive of me mainly because when she said it was over I accepted it and moved on with my life and she is the only person I really talk to.
I have a son who's 8 but he's autistic to and doesn't really talk much either.....
I have a stepson who's 21 but I don't really talk to him unless it's about gaming or a tv series we both watch.

apart from that I have noone else.

I barely talk to my parents who live 300 miles away and I havent seen my brother or sister in 10 years or so.

my sister has 5 kids and I've only ever met two of them

Hmmm...

Hard to say, really. I know of a few people who really seem to be my friend, but in reality I guess they're all close acquaintances, in that when I talk to them they act all "I'm SO glad you called! We need to do this more often!", but then we go for months and don't talk. When we're talking they show concern for my welfare but don't ever call to check on me. I guess I shouldn't say anything since I don't call either, I don't even remember when someone has told me they're going to have surgery or something, so don't call to check on them. I hope that's either a sign of stress overload or Aspieness, and not just a case of being a selfish ass. At Christmas I got only two "Merry Christmas" texts before I sent mine out, and got only one in response to mine. As for Christmas cards, I sent out a couple of dozen and only got maybe 3-4 back.

So are these people my friends or not? I've been questioning that for a quite a while now.

None whatsoever

all work related acquaintances. I have one NT friend who I have not seen who always wants to catchup with me but it's usually at work and not outside despite the fact we have similar aged children (his kids being NTs). I think his wife may be prejudiced against disabilities.

I had a best friend once, and I have to say. the three years that we were friends were some of the best times I've had in over a decade. never really hung out. just talked on the phone, there to support each other. than I don't know, guess they got tired of it. never stepped out of line, said or did anything to warrant it, and never got an explanation why, but the last time we spoke and I asked why we don't talk anymore I was just told to f*** off.

doesn't negate the good times we had, only cements that they're over and done now. life has gotten a lot harder since, things have changed before I had a friend like that. there are times like right now, that I don't know how I'm going to get through without calling them.

other than that I've never had any real friends. I don't really have anything to offer other than myself, and that's not good enough for most people. I help my buddy work on his race car for a few hours on the weekends, used to have a few drinking buddies that were good in small doses but that's over too now.

friends are mostly over rated, but so is being alone, the absurdity of life.

Based on your definition, I have two friends. Both are guys I met when I was in the sixth grade. Though, I rarely communicate with them one went away to college this year so he's been unavailable a lot of the time. I've been made aware that both myself and the other friend will be arrested if we talk any time within the next couple months. Of course, we were given that deadline years ago.

The police thing has something to do with that friend damaging the windshield of a Volks Wagon in the parking lot of an apartment complex on the opposite side of town. The police aknowledge that I had nothing to do with it, but say that keeping us apart like tis is a neccessary precaution. I say it's BS.

Anyway, those are my two friends (by your standards). I also have a "friend" who I have to put on kind of a macho act for. I mean, physically, I'm a lot stronger than him, but emotionally I'm a lot softer than I let him know. I can climb up a rock formation then pull him up after me and once even jumped through a barbed wire fence to clear a path for him to get out of a situation I don't feel comfortable explaining in great detail. I didn't have time to untangle myself properly, so I chose a faster method that involved some tearing. I also look kind of terrifying when I wear the almost post-apocalyptic looking combination of military, biker and punk clothing that I sometimes wear in his company (a big part of that is the masks though. I have a small collection of intimidating masks that range from a black bandanna with the lower half of a skull printed on it to far more elaborate masks. recently, I've been using a "tactical headwrap" manufactured by Condor Outdoor because it's versatile, easily concealed and extremely soft and smooth)

That's just the side of me he sees though. I have to hide some of my more sensitive nature for fear of being mocked even though we've known each other since elementary school. For example, I love My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic. I think most of the characters are absolutely adorable and some of the jokes are legitimately funny. However, he makes fun of bronies sometimes when I'm around him and I just kind of play along.

At the moment, one friend, and she's sitting right beside me smiling as I type this. The number of friends I've had in the past has been amazingly small, sure, I've KNOWN lots of people but there's no way I would have regarded them as friends.

I went through a similar exercise as you once but it was described differently and known as the 'Titanic' test. You're on board the ship on 11th April 1912 and the passenger list consists of everyone you know. Assume that all of your family are safe and that you have a 12-person lifeboat all to yourself, who do you let on board?

They're your friends.

Right now I got about 3 to 5 I could call 'true friends'. I meet them while having a beer once or twice a month, which satisfies me quite enough. When it comes to acquaintances I have around couple of dozen of them. Most of them are my former classmates, but there are also some friends of my other friends.

I have mostly acquantances or 'friends' that I will hang around with , go out with, but don't talk to much and don't go to them when I need someone to talk to.

I have like three close friends, and my boyfriend.

x

In truth, most humans have few real "friends" throughout their lives.

I'm actually quite lucky in that my quirks have made it so that, although the majority of people can't stand me (despite respecting me, it's weird, I know - they know I'm a good person but they find some of my quirks like fingernails on a chalkboard to be around, especially the super "cool" NT types) those who took the time to get to know and appreciate me love me to death. So I have some amazing friends who have stood by me through thick and thin, from all parts if my life. I think a lot of this is because I look for friends - I'm not a recluse, I'm outgoing, I join clubs and get involved in things and take initiative.

I would say I probably have about a handful of people I would consider "real" best friends, and maybe another handful of real friends who are reliable and there for me but not really bestie material yet.

I think I have some friends, but it's hard to tell.

There are people who seem to like me and have helped me and seem happy that I show concern for and help them.

But I think there is some sort of metering ability that I lack. I am never confident that the people I know well are actually friends. Perhaps it's a rational response to many cases of having been wrong.

I don't think the definition of friend in the OP is completely realistic. Everyone judges to some extent. People helping each other through rough times and sharing pleasure in positive times is pretty much it.

That and some sort of shared something--like attitude or approach or outlook. Somehow you are sympathetic or on the same wavelength and realizing that, perhaps through sharing jokes or reactions to experiences is a key part of it. A very little of that goes a long way.