What do people really think about us?

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Do you have any stories of what people thought either of you or anyone else with ASD you knew, based on what they said behind your/their back or directly stated?

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This question intrigues me because people seem to always be nice to your face and never say if there's anything disconcerting about your behaviour. I constantly meet NTs who seem friendly and everything seems to be going well with them, but then they suddenly they stop responding to me altogether. I have no idea what they really think of me and it makes me kind of anxious. If I knew, maybe I could do or say something in advance to prevent that.

I'm particularly interested about those of you who have a lot of difficulty reading social cues and come off as somewhat visibly autistic.

people in school used to think i was ret*d or on drugs. people used to think i was weird or crazy, or rebellious.

i really dont want to know what people think of me, too much pressure

I'd be afraid to find out. What if all people think we're all an epidemic and we all should be cured or locked up?

what ZombieBrideXD said

Also they thought I was gay.

I don't worry about these things anymore; I've essentially learned they don't really understand us, so if you stop focusing on trying to get acceptance, and just live/enjoy your life, and really excel at what you love, they get really intimidated. Oh...you were thinking I was bothered by that. You're funny

Interesting responses so far. I am concerned with what others think of me because I don't think I can navigate the social world properly without at least having a vague idea of what others might be thinking of my actions. Life is not just about enjoyment, a lot of it is meant to be difficult and painful, but then you get more in return. I do want to be able to get a job, pursue my interests in an engaging environment, and contribute to society in other ways, and all of these things potentially involve interfacing with NTs. So I feel like I can't just stop caring what others think of me, at least personally...

When I was in elementary school, many people thought I was crazy because I tried testing out ideas I had, and I didn't care about how outlandish they were.

I'm gonna tell you the biggest mistake I see you making, right here:

your exact words are " I don't think I can navigate the social world properly", and you are correct; but here's the thing: that's because our minds aren't designed to do that.

Our minds are designed to excel at a trade/skill beyond belief. We're the architects of society that revolutionize everything.

I actually have a great group of friends now; but I didn't get them by deliberately attempting to socialize. I met my room-mate (and business partner) thru this shady guy I met while I was working 10 years ago. I got into a conversation with him as part of my job (security purposes). The guy kept coming back in to chat with me, and seemed kinda cool, so I asked if he wanted to hang. He brought his friends along, and most of them are still my friends today.

I met my other friends simply thru my trade, and a few thru my now ex-girlfriend, and thru friends of hers.

When you ultimately excel at your trade, you will attract others who want in on it.

Trust me when I tell you: as an Autistic person, you won't excel at socializing. It's a game your brain will guarantee you to lose.

So focus on what you love to do, and the socializing happens naturally.

Worth noting: my crew can't socialize for a damn, but hell if we don't have the best time, imaginable!

^ I agree, and I don't set out to go and socialize. I have my autistic friends and I can socialize with them all I want and that's enough for me, socializing-wise. I actually think I have too many friends; it can get overwhelming at times to keep up with them.

The problem is, to succeed in many things career-wise, you do need to be likeable and personable aside from being professionally skilled. Maybe being a psychology researcher and a worker/therapist is more social than what you're thinking of, but it's been my experience that the jobs where you don't have to "please" people are few and far in-between. For instance, how do you get a regular 9-5 job without an interview? For myself, that is ultimately what I want.

I have an obsession with developmental psychology and am knowledgeable in it, but yet it's been difficult for me to even get along with people well enough to keep up coherent study groups, which would allow me to engage with the material better (I have a hands-on, interactive learning style).

Being an autistic extrovert is difficult. I hate doing solitary stuff for hours. I'd rather work with people, so I've chosen to work with autistic kids. I still can't avoid NTs completely, though.

I really don't like to think about what people think of me. It is a hopeless topic and can be very depressing and demotivating.

I already know that most NT people think I am stupid, insane, drugged, gay, evil, plotting, conniving, perverted, predatory, creepy, antisocial, rule breaking, dangerous, useless, detestable, no good, waste of time, good for nothing, waste of oxygen, needing a good hard beating, just kill it, put it out of its misery, subhuman, neanderthal, thing, nonentity, unfeeling, unworthy, unlovable, worthless, spiritless, it.

I prefer to ignore them and pave my own path, because what others think of me is most overwhelmingly negative and nothing I do can change their opinion, ever.

My dear, I'm not an extrovert, and btw....I'm also a cashier! The trick is to just have fun. I just go to work, and do my job, and at times even play up my quirkiness; I do it to have fun on my job, and to keep myself from going insane.

I also own my own business, which I'm trying to get off the ground, but that's besides the point.

As I've said before, I stopped caring what people thought of me eons ago; if they like what I'm doing, great. If they don't, no water off my back. I joke around with them and all that while I'm on the job, no big deal to me. It was actually when I stopped simply "trying to impress" everyone, and started just having fun being me that I actually got a positive reaction from those around me!

I find that the more advanced the job is, the more constrained you become. I can see how someone could play around a little bit while being a cashier, but it's harder to do that as a researcher. I do have fun when I work with kids, though. I am a really positive person naturally and I typically don't get stuck on negatives or get worried about what others think of me, but I still do care what others think of me. I don't have any sort of social anxiety and am very open about my ASD and any particular quirks I have; I also can laugh at myself and be confident about things. I still care what others think and what about me might repel them because, the truth is, something does repel them even though others think I am an upbeat, confident, and fun person.

I also wonder what people tend to think of us in general.

that's also part of the reason why I mentioned I own my own business; I do want to rise up in the world, but on my terms, not theirs.

Of course you'll repel people; it's part of why they hold us at arm's length. And don't forget: it's not just you that repels them, it's also their own insecurities.

Trust me, if you're confident enough in who you are, you'll see how intimidated they really get.

And here's what it is that repels them: we essentially give off the aura of a registered sex offender/serial killer. Need proof? Watch any of John Elder Robison's interviews on Youtube. I love the man to death, but when he talks, I can f*****g hear it, and I can sense it.

And yes, I think we all give that aura off. It's also part of the reason I say socializing is wasted time, and why our brains aren't really designed for it.

I'm sure many folks here think that when they've "perfected" socializing, they come off as smooth as 007. I say the reality is closer to that episode of Family Guy where Peter and Lois get stoned off their asses, and think they played great on stage...and it turns out they were a total disaster, but were too baked to know it.

Yeah, I'd hate having my own business because I am a very traditional person (i.e. I'm very attracted to the 9-5 lifestyle) and am not into any sort of self-promotion. I also like it when people give me projects and deadlines. I am very bad at structuring my own tasks. What I want to do is not try to socialize like everyone else, but to learn exactly how I come across to other people and advocate appropriately on my behalf. It seems to work when I do it right, but I feel like I still don't have enough knowledge of the subtleties of how people might perceive me in order to do this well all the time.

Let's say you did have the knowledge of exactly how you might be perceived; what would you do with it?

Also, that picture in the profile: is that you?

Typically, if I know that behaviour X evokes a reaction Y from others, next time I do behaviour X, I say "you might have felt Y about my behaviour X, but it was not intended to evoke Y; here's why I did it (and then explain). For example, I often start zoning out in conversation when people switch topic away from my special interest. I would say "I know it might have seemed rude to you that I wasn't listening properly when you were talking about that, I only did this because I find it hard to pay attention to anything that isn't linguistics or psychology-related".

My profile icon picture is not me, it's this girl: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyusha. Here's an actual picture of me: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6019545.html#6019545

major fallacy, my dear: you're explaining yourself to them with the belief they'll actually understand it. No, non-Autistic folks do not currently understand how our minds work. You can explain to kingdom come, and they're not gonna care.

When you say Autism, they think "Rain Man".

However, I can offer a recommendation to help in your interacting: believe it or not, we can read body language, just not in the way you think.

Body language is essentially a series of patterns, as I discovered; and if nothing else, we can nail patterns like no tomorrow.

Start paying attention to patterns, and the results of those patterns; you'll soon make connections as to what they mean with each pattern. That might help a smidge.

And is there any reason you don't use your real picture? I think ya look fine.