I'm living in a 15x15x15 cm box inside my head! You?

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Hi,

I fee like I'm living in a little box made of thick opal glass somewhere deep inside my head. (I can literally feel the box) and there is no connection to the outer world.
And it's f-ing boring inside. there is nothing in it. no imagination, no thoughts, nothing. And that's the true "me". everything outside is very distant imaginary bullcrap and I can't even tell how on earth I'm able to somehow relate or react to them. In fact I believe it's a miracle that I react and interact. The fact that I'm writing this here is a miracle. why should I ? why bother? how am I controlling my limbs if I'm completely separate from the world. I dont know. Maybe it's all the year long of denial of being truely autistic, do what I was told to do blindly etc. that has loaded me with a huge arsenal of coping mechanisms and "being-normal-ism".

I'm very much wondering about my place in this world and about myself.

keep the replies comming. Are you feeling the same? maybe you feel the same and are unaware because you always have? think about it.

cheerz
Omid

Not a box but more of a bubble because it is not rectangular, it is round.
It has no definite size. It could be a foot in diameter or infinite and my whole world fits inside.
Inside the bubble there are ideas and thoughts, beautiful landscapes, wild animals and music
It's not boring. It is peaceful and quiet as long as I can block out the fear and noise trying to invade my bubble from the outside.
People I love are inside the bubble. All other humans are outside the bubble but I can let their thoughts and ideas inside the bubble.

More of a bubble and just I'm in it. Like I'm watching everything and can't quite interact with anything outside the bubble. Like on a 360 degree telly.

I feel the opposite. I feel that I'm as free as the wind. I feel free to be my own person and move around.

I need means to make my box transparent, bigger, get stuff in it, or break it and get rid of it completely (ok the last might be a bad idea)

create a door...I know, that sounds trite and silly - but it might feel safer than discarding the box itself.

I know about the box.

I feel like I'm in a permeable cloud that floats all over the place and soaks up whatever is around it. I WANT to be in the box, or a bubble. I wish I could just hermetically seal my mind off from the outside world. I have had times in the bubble and it was very peaceful and wonderful.

I feel more like there's something that keeps me separate from other people (whether I try to overcome it or not). The rest of the world - nature, animals, technology, books/tv/films, all these things I can interact with and sometimes get tremendous enjoyment from (though sometimes they can be intrusive).

But there's no connection between me and other people, and while I wish I could connect with some, what mostly happens is they ignore me, and if not, they want to interact with me in ways and for reasons I don't really understand - which feels as if they were coming up to whatever it is that separates us and banging very loudly on it without caring how much the noise upsets me.

It used to happen a lot with bad stuff, now there is mostly happy experiences (:

Sorry! I just had to do this.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sq8VDXlWQk[/youtube]

Agreeing with marybird, I have more of a bubble. It's sort of infinite, and you don't realize that it actually is a cage until you want to leave. There's a lot of stuff inside there, and it's not all bad. Unless I actually want to leave, it's a pretty nice place.

Have you always been in the bubble, Omid? Or is it something new?

I go in and out of the box in my mind. Sometimes though, I feel I'm in it at the wrong times