Abandonement

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Do you ever feel abandoned?

Being unable to connect emotionally to other people. It's easy to feel abandoned. I feel like I have been abandoned by everybody including god and my family. Even trying to connect to other fellow aspies seems imposable.

Nah, not really.

In times of solitude it's been by my choice. Sometimes because I need to isolate myself from others for the good of others (past times of depression), and others for my own benefit - ie when I'm perfectly happy doing something solo and involving others may take away from that.

But I haven't really felt abandoned by people. When I haven't been around people, it's been by my choice, not that they've left.

Every once in a while I feel like maybe a friend has been avoiding me, which they may be, but then I remind myself that I have no idea if they're avoiding me, or what's going on their life, and that maybe they're just busy and time just flies by. Heck, maybe they miss me and have been too busy to keep in touch often. I try not to worry about it at all either way and just take things day by day moment by moment as they are and as they come. When I see my friends next, I'll simply enjoy their company, and then do so again whenever the next time is - whether soon, or not.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I have parental abandonment issues. It's hard to explain, but my mother sort of quit taking interest in my life when I was 13/14, and my dad and I were never really close until he broke up with my mother when I was 15, at which point we were really close until I was about 18, then he started losing interest in me again. It would be long and difficult to explain what exactly happened, and why I feel abandoned by my parents in a lot of ways, but I just do.

I often wonder what would happen if my dad decided to divorce my stepmom, or if my mother decided to dump her fiancee, but truth be told, I don't really see either of them becoming more involved in my life. With my dad it might be easier to reconnect, since he would have better judgement than to go looking for another date, and it would give me a chance to try reconnecting with him, but with my mother, odds are if she broke up with her fiance, she'd immediately find another date, as it's not really in her nature to "go alone". As such, it would still remain hard for me to reconnect with her.

I feel so frustrated with my inability to engage with the world. And at the same time, having AS and having to go through everything on my own.. But the truth is, that life is probably hard for everybody and I shouldn't feel this way, or want anything from life such as understanding, tolerance and respect. I suppose I still feel entitled to my right to feel human, and to receive cultivation from the society as I feel that I have so much to give and share. In this context any *humanity* loses its meaning.. people are such a hypocrites. And I am probably the biggest of all